Stunt Granny Audio #82

Holy crap, it’s the Asshole Edition of Stunt Granny Audio! Yep, Jeremy and Eric team up for the first time in months to discuss the happenings of the day. Hear their thoughts on the three big stories on Monday Night Raw (John Cena-Bret Hart-Vince McMahon-Batista, Shawn Michaels-Triple H, and Randy Orton-Sheamus), plus Show-Miz as the new unified tag champs. The guys speculate on WWE NXT, wax nostalgic about Ted DiBiase, then switch to TNA to make fun of Ric Flair’s new T-shirt and Kurt Angle’s new “food” product. Silly wrestlers. So just click and listen! (72 minutes)

Stunt Granny Audio #82

Desperate Kurt Angle hawking crappy food-like product

(running to local grocer) "*huhhh huhhh huhhh* Oh shit, I gotta get me some of that great-tasting... *gasp* ready-to-eat food!"

As if JBL’s Mamajuana wasn’t bad enough… According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle has begun shilling a new line of… some sort of food stuff. Here, if you can make him out between all the gurgles and pills under his tongue, let Kurt explain:

“Fans and friends always ask me, ‘How do you stay in great physical condition year-round when wrestling over 190 brutal matches and travelling 225 days a year,” Angle is quoted as saying in the UK Sun.

“My secret: I eat great-tasting, ready-to-eat Angle’s Signature Series meals prepared by my personal Olympic training chef and nutritionist.”

Let’s dispel a couple of rumors. One, Kurt Angle is not in great physical condition. Not year-round, not month-round, not between the hours of 10 a.m. and 2 a.m. Two, TNA runs maybe 10 house shows a month in VFW halls and barns across the country, and when he’s not working, Kurt is busy running from the law. That’s not “travelling.” Three, I guarantee you whatever this junk is is not great-tasting. Sure, it may be ready to eat, but so essentially are Smart Ones; just pop ‘em in the microwave, and four minutes later you’ve got some smelly tuna sitting in watery alfredo sauce with a gloppy breadcrumb topping. How breadcrumbs get gloppy, I’ll never know. Anyway, the likelihood of Kurt Angle using a nutritionist not named Dr. Zahorian is low, and the possibility of anything with Angle’s name on it, including a prescription bottle, being healthy for you is even lower. Just make sure you wash it down with some Hulk Hogan energy drink! -Eric

The Scott Steiner Workout Video

So apparently Scott Steiner has a workout video. Thanks again to Miquelio for the tip on this. Here are a couple clips from YouTube to entice you to purchase the video:

Alright, so buy this video immediately or else your life is a miserable failure. – Dusty

PWO – Season 3 – Episode 6

There was an "I" in team but for which team in the PWO Tag Team Title hunt?

They showed the end of last weeks show. Jimmy DeMarco then came on with a caption that the promo was from last week. He said he was out trying to find fulfilment. He said he attacked Johnny Gargano because he’s the best in Pro Wrestling Ohio. DeMarco said the fans succeed through him. Gargano will not help him find his inner good guy. DeMarco is going to make Cross and Gargano play by his rules. He said the thing that will be his fulfilment will be taking the PWO Heavyweight Title from Gargano.

Analysis: The promo was a little meandering but it was well done. It was great to start the show off on a different foot rather than going straight into the theme song and introduction.

Joe Domborwski said that Aaron Maguire would join him soon. He also mentioned that the PWO Tag Team Titles will be on the line later tonight. Nicky Valentino came out with Dawn Decadence, who towered over him because of her heels. Gregory Iron was Valentino’s opponent. Iron punched Valentino while he was posing. Iron then hit a suicide dive through the middle ropes. Valentino reversed an irish whip and threw Iron into the ring post.  Valentino continued to wrap Iron’s good arm around the post. He targeted the arm more after they got back into the ring. Valentino came up empty on a frog splash. Iron winced in pain when he clotheslined Valentino.  Dawn Decadence distracted the referee to allow Valentino to get in a low blow but Hobo Joe came out and used the distraction to punch Valentino with a boxing glove on a pole. Iron hit Handicapped Parking (aka Downward Spiral) for the win.

Maria Sings The Hits

Much props to my eye in the sky from the Torch Forum, Robert Miquelio, for this “story.” (It involves a hot chick and that is going to get us a bunch more hits, so I don’t really care what it’s about.) So anyway, here’s 30 seconds of Maria singing or something. Enjoy.

http://maria-kanellis.org/audio/fantasy30sec.mp3

The Art of Wrestling – Slick Ric

Ric Flair doesn't strut like this. Yes, I'm an architectural nerd.

TNA has finally started to produce some new shirts for their “new” talent. At the top of that list, especially in the Bucks County, PA court, name-wise is Ric Flair. His new shirt is titled “Stylin’ & Profilin’ “.

On the back of the shirt, TNA went non-creative. It just says “Stylin’ “, below that a smaller “And” and on the bottom “Profilin’ “. “Stylin’ ” & “And” are in a bland white text that only has a hint of purple (or possibly silver) in the upper right hand corner of the N. “Profilin’ ” has purple in the P, R, I & N. They shouldn’t have half assed the purple striping. If you’re going to include additional colors, there needs to be a pattern, a reason for it and it should be part of all of the words.

On the front of the shirt, we get some real entertainment. The main graphic is a male symbol. The only thing that could have made it worse was if the arrow symbol pointed down. The words “It Takes a Certain Flair…To Be…” are inside the circle of the male symbol. First off, there’s no reason to have “…” in between “Flair” & “To Be” other than to highlight your lack of knowledge of the English language. For some reason, they added a second circle inside of the male symbol which only helps to leave less room for the words “The Man” in the middle. The text, male symbol and the interior circle all are completely white which makes the highlights of purple on the rear of the shirt even more asinine.

TNA couldn’t have made a worse t-shirt. It’s awful. If someone buys this shirt, they should be held down and branded with an “S” for stupid on their ass. Don’t just take my word for the level of awfulness of this shirt either. Look at the reviews below the shirt but some of the highlights are: “r u serious?? i would think you would sell this kinda shirt at a flea market, not the tna website!! Booooooooooooooo!” and “Boooooooooooo….this would keep out of the arena, i wouldn’t want to get near it !!” These fans may not have a grasp of the English language like TNA, but at least I won’t have to brand them. - Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #81

Jeremy Maes, surprised at having his photo taken during an audio recording.

It might as well be Christmas all over again for you lucky Stunt Grannyites, because Dusty and Kevin deliver everything on your list and then some in this excitement-packed audio update. You wanted them to talk about the Royal Rumble? You got it! You wanted them to talk about Monday Night Raw? Why sure, they can do that. You wanted them to give their opinions on William Shatner’s performance as the guest host? You have to know that you get all of that and then some in this here audio. Don’t believe otherwise.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #81

ECW Gets Replaced With NXT!

Dry those eyes fair readers cause this will make you smile. According to Prowrestling.net, WWE has announced that ECW has been canceled (sad face) and is being replaced with an all new show called….wait for it…..WWE NXT. Yes, the promotion has no vowels and no concept to speak of but it is being marketed straight to douche bags who enjoy butchering the English language for the sake of being hip.

Imagine if you will the meeting with all of creative and this is the best name for the new product they could think of. Was there a deafening silence or overwhelming applause when this name was introduced? Regardless the pillar of cool and hip Vince “MacDaddio” McMahon signed off on this shit name so he is to blame.

Really not sure how this even fits the SYFY brand nam…..never mind. They renamed their perfectly acceptable Sci-Fi Network to the current vowelless trash that makes you even more embarrassed to be watching “Giant Shark versus Giant Squid.”

Now it gets even better, Prowrestling.net is reporting that there is a promotion already using the name NXT. Who knew it would prove so popular? Of course it is in Scotland so does that even matter? Screw the Scots;  they had one good period of history and that was when Braveheart came out on DVD. See, no one gave a shit about that movie when it was released; Academy Awards be damned. -Jeremy

PWO – Season 3 – Episode 5

Two Belts were on the line in this episode of Pro Wrestling Ohio.

Joe Dombrowski hyped the card which involved Aaron Draven versus M-Dogg 20 Matt Cross for the TV Title and Johnny Gargano versus Mike Tolar for the PWO Heavyweight Title. Dombowski introduced Aaron Maguire but the camera forgot to show him. Maguire was sharp enough to make up for the camera gaffe by sliding into the picture even though he was nearly sitting on Dombrowski’s lap.

Bobby Beverly came to the ring with Dawn Decadence to take on Hobo Joe. Beverly upgraded his look by adding the douchebag faux hawk. Beverly extended his hand for a shake but Joe spit in his face. Joe  took over after an even opening couple of minutes. Beverly took a break on the outside. Joe threw him into the guard rail. Beverly hit a drop toe hold to make Joe go face first into the guard rail.  Beverly got a two count after a fireman’s carry driver that was sloppy. Beverly got another two count after a flying forearm.  Joe hit a pair of should blocks to knock Beverly to the outside again. Beverly hit a good looking fisherman’s buster but still only got a two count. Beverly turned a urinogi into a back breaker for the victory. Beverly brought a chair into the ring to curb stomp Joe but Gregory Iron made the save.

Analysis: The outcome was it it should be but was a poorly executed match on both participants parts.

The Rock Show was introduced by Earnie Ballz & Brian Bender. He said that PWO management told them they needed to defend their titles against Luis & Isaac Montana. Bender made a great point by saying it took them two years to get a title shot in PWO. He went on to say that they have a strategy ready for the upcoming match.

(Brilliant) Talks of (brilliant) Santino sitcom (brilliantly) continue

I don't care if this picture looks like it was taken in my dad's basement, she's still hot (and it's not a WWE copyrighted picture, muahahahaha)!

According to PWTorch.com, the talks of a sitcom starring Santino Marella, Beth Phoenix and, yes, Vladimir Kozlov continue. Of course most of the talking has been done by Santino himself, but if it wasn’t true, surely they would have fired him like that big-mouth Mr. Kennedy. Santino said this about his proposed male co-star:

“I’m definitely friends with Vladimir. And in the developmental territory, we were a tag team. Years ago. Before the WWE,” Santino told TV reporters, including IGN, last week. “He’s just one of the funniest people I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I’ll believe it when I see it, but as a huge fan of both Santino and Beth, if what has been said about Vlad is true, this could surpass Tuesday Night Titans as the greatest show ever produced by WWE. Mr. Fuji is gonna die just so he can roll over in his grave. -Eric