DiBiase’s million-dollar advice to Orton

Randy, the sheets say you shit up another hotel room! YAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"Randy, the sheets say you shit up another hotel room! YAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

According to the UK Sun (by way of ProWrestling.net), the self-proclaimed Million Dollar Champion Ted DiBiase (who makes his summer residence in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts) recently explained to WWE superstar Randy Orton that Orton might be his own worst enemy. DiBiase told Orton that although Orton is a more natural athlete (what??) than current Vince McMahon favorite John Cena (huh??), McMahon “wants to have the peace of mind that if he is going to invest all this money in this guy, he doesn’t want to have a phone call in the middle of the night that his flag-bearer has torn up a hotel room or done something else stupid and got arrested.” DiBiase was about to explain that a top heel should also occasionally show some mat wrestling skill and emotion beyond grimacing… until he realized he was talking to a mannequin at JC Penney. -Eric

Shimmer! Check Them Out or You Are Stupid

Shimmer Women Athletes

Shimmer Women Athletes

Tickets for the next Shimmer DVD Volume 21 and 22, Sunday, October 19, 2008 at the Berwyn Eagles Club (6309 26th Street) in Berwyn, IL, just outside Chicago (whew), go on sale Monday, August 11. The event starts at 2pm, which is an bell time earlier than their usual tapings on Saturdays.

 Shimmer will be crowning their first ever Tag-Team Champions at the volume Why would StuntGranny openly promote a companies ticket on sale date? Well Shimmer is crazy good that’s why. They offer fresh faces, great matches and has that underground sensibility that makes it feel like wrestling. It also helps the women are tremendous wrestlers that we will probably never get to see on a national scale.

What you expecting us to say it’s because the women are beautiful and give us raging, nerd boners? Well you would be right but we would never admit it. Come on, we may have to interview these wrestlers someday and we cannot afford to ruin our already non-existent reputations.

Brock Lesnar Successfully Punks A Cowboy

That's Not A Knife. That's A Knife.

Now That's A Knife.


Saturday night, Brock Lesnar finally scored a victory in UFC when he defeated some guy that dresses like a cowboy. Apparently his name is Heath Herring and he did a lot of shit talking before the match. He spent so much time talking he failed to prepare for the match. I say this because he also forgot to block the huge punch to the face from Brock that instantly swelled his eye and made him roll over backwards on the mat. The bout was over right there and it was obvious.

After the bout, Brock was the picture of class as he taunted Heath by mocking his ridiculous cowboy gimmick. He even had the audacity to taunt him before the final five seconds elapsed. Nothing like winning your first ever match in UFC and being a total dick about it to boot. Brock, though, did exactly what he should have done, he beat an established UFC fighter and created more buzz for his next bout. It’s a win-win situation for Dana White and UFC. They now have a legit heel that casual customers will buy PPV’s to see get his ass kicked and it will create increased ticket sales for his next bout.

Damn, I really wish he had stayed in wrestling. -Jeremy

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