Norman Smiley: Teaching the new generation to wiggle it

Oh yeah, got a job, Im a trainer, oh yeah...

"Oh yeah, got a job, I'm a trainer, oh yeah..."

Alex Marvez’s latest column focuses on Norman Smiley being hired as a trainer for Florida Championship Wrestling, WWE’s developmental league. How would you like an excerpt?

Smiley has fought to get into WWE since WCW folded in 2001. He wrestled numerous tryout matches and had strong internal support from long-time friends like Rey Mysterio and MVP, who worked with Smiley on the South Florida independent circuit as Antonio Banks.

Smiley, though, inexplicably couldn’t catch a break.

“Even my mother has told me how strange it is that WWE wouldn’t hire me to wrestle but to teach their guys,” a laughing Smiley said. “But regardless of how you cut it, I have a job there and who knows what could happen.”

I think I know what could happen, and I don’t like the options. Either my homeboy “Screamin'” Norman — who was one of the highlights of Monday Nitro after Vince Russo took over — won’t get a full-time WWE wrestling job, or he will only show up once on Smackdown to do a job to Vladimir Kozlov and then the next week on ECW to job to Mike Knox. Hey, maybe he can team with D-Lo Brown to lose to some tag teams. I fondly remember Smiley doing the silly archer pose in Florida in the ’80s, then on WCW Saturday Night before doing the hilarious screamer gimmick. But my memories of his wrestling skills are equally fond, and while I miss Norm on my TV, I really think this is a good, smart move by WWE. -Eric

Impact Is Going Live In Color

According to PWInsider here and here, TNA has finally been forced to pull their head out of their ass and moved one of their Impact tapings away from that den of retardation in Orlando. They are going to hold their October 23rd Impact taping in Las Vegas. This comes at the behest of Spike TV who must have finally realized this show is showing no potential for growth and clearly needs a shake up. This would have been a great idea if it had happened around the time TNA came to Spike TV. It could have created a generous buzz but now, well, much like everything else TNA does it is being pushed too quickly. They better start promoting it this Thursday and actually booking Impact to be good for a change and not just passable.

The saddest part of this experiment is that if it is a success TNA management can’t take credit for any of it since it wasn’t their idea. What a bunch of dopes. -Jeremy

Arenas we love, arenas we hate

Who liked Caesar's Palace? Or did he hate it? And why? Why was Jim Ross wearing a toga?

Who liked Caesar's Palace? Or did he? And why? Why on earth was Jim Ross wearing a toga?

We here at Stunt Granny think about unique things in unique ways. We try not to put all of our energy into being negative about the wrestlers themselves; we like to be negative about all aspects of wrestling! No, we really do discuss aspects like our favorite and least favorite arenas and crowds, so we collected our thoughts and present this to you.

Dusty likes:
The Brown County Arena (Green Bay, WI):
Maybe it’s because I had a connection with the ticket vendor there and got front row seats each time. Maybe it’s because I prefer County Stadium over Miller Park and am just a mediocre nostalgia nut or something. But I loved going to the Brown County Arena. The good people of Green Bay kept the arena clean, cheered the faces, booed the heels, did all that kind of good stuff that makes it fun to go to a wrestling show. You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go downtown… to Green Bay! Long since replaced by the Resch Center, located conveniently right next to the BCA, the memories still linger.

The Skydome (Toronto, Canada): This arena gets a mention again because I was there. The atmosphere for the Hogan vs. Rock match at WrestleMania was so unbelievable, I felt I had to honor the arena it happened in. A moment I will never forget.

Continue reading

The Art of Wrestling – Smackdown’s Tag Teams

Time to hit the tag team scene on Smackdown.  Granted it’s a paltry three teams with Zach Ryder & Curt Hawkins, Jesse & Festus and the newly formed Colon Brothers, Primo & Carlito.  Let’s start with the team I may be able to tell apart now that I’m doing this article

Zach Ryder – The WWE has finally decided to differentiate the Edgeheads to the extreme here recently.  Zach is now wearing a pair of silver sunglasses with black tint.  He wears a black vest with silver stripes on the front that goes halfway up from the bottom and…  In the ring, Zach has white wrist tape that goes a third of the way up his forearm and black elbow pads.  If you didn’t know by now, he is the one who wears the black pants with an double eye shaped that has a combined ZR design in the middle. The design and lettering is purple with a white outline.  He has a silver front on his black boots.  I don’t mind the design but they use a dark shade of purple that is a little too close to black for me.  They try to make up for it by adding white on the outline but they should use silver since it’s on his boots and ring vest.  The wrist tape should be black to fit the outfit better.

Curt HawkinsTo the ring, he wears a black hoodie that has blue lining.  Hawkins adorns the front of the jacket in blue with silver trim, three stars are stacked on each other on each sleeve with the same color combination and on the back he has white wings and a bird leg with a blue design below both of those all trimmed in silver.  Curt sports black wrist bands with silver stars and blue trim along with black elbow and knee pads.  His trunks are blue with the wings…  Curt’s outfit matches better and because blue is used instead of purple the contrast is much better.  The wings are too literal for me but aren’t designed poorly.

HAWK-ins, get it?

HAWK-ins, get it?

Festus – Recently he has been wearing the dark blue coveralls with MyMoving Co. on the back.  I really wouldn’t mind Festus sticking to this look.  Most of Festus’ ring time has been spent in plain black trunks with black wrist tape halfway up his forearm, a black elbow pad on his right arm, black knee pads and black boots.  The big guy knows how to keep it simple which is perfect for the character who is shown as simple minded.

Their coveralls are a little darker, but it's a look they could continue to use.

It'd be a decent long term look.

Jesse – Before his coverall days, he wore a blue singlet that has gold and black designs that are vertical in appearance almost like a flame.  Black trimmed the entire singlet with a horizontal gold ban with a diamond pattern above the black trim on the thigh.  As opposed to Festus, this outfit seems a little too over the top and slick for a good old country boy who took about two months to find Smackdown.

Primo Colon – One of the newest aditions to Smackdown wears a black ring vest that has red designs with white trim on both lapels.  A similar red design with white trim is on the back that has a ball in the middle.  In the ring, Primo sports blue tights that have a red stripe on the interior of his leg with the vest design again slightly modified on the exterior of both legs.  He has some white tape a third of the way up his forearms.  Primo wears white boots with the foot being black.   Primo certainly embraces his Peurto Rican heritage with his color design but the red interior stripe on the interior of the leg could be removed.  The bottom of the boot could also be color coordinated by making it blue or red.

Carlito – Last but not least, we have the longest reigning roster member who has changed his look during his short stint back on Smackdown.  Carlito used to have purple trunks but he’s moved to wearing baggy pants that are orange with a black stripe with white trim wrapping his left leg.  On his right leg it reads Carlito in black with white trim.  It’s a simple look and I think it’s better than his previous look but it still doesn’t jive that well with his brother.  If he kept the design but changed the colors to match his brother, it’d be a real winner.

You'll remember what it looks like when it's the fifty first state.

You'll remember what it looks like when it's the fifty first state.

 Next week, we move on to the divas who may need to be tackled one at a time because most of the change outfits weekly. – Kevin 

If you have any design questions before then you can reach me at kevin@stuntgranny.com

Adam Pearce gooey… excuse me, gone from ROH

Hey, dont fuckin touch my donut, Ill be back there in 10 minutes!

"Hey, don't fuckin' touch my donut or I'll beat your head in!"

PWInsider.com triple-checked their sources and reported that “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce and Ring of Honor have parted ways as a cost-cutting measure for ROH. I have this weird thing about Pearce in that I can’t stand him, and it’s completely irrational, but I would pay to see him get beat. Am I a mark? Duh, of course. The stories CM Punk and Colt Cabana told about Pearce on their ROH shoot DVD almost make me want to hang out with him, but he’s like that friend in your circle that makes the dumb comments and jokes, and you just kinda laugh out loud because another of your friends likes him more, and you just don’t wanna be the brunt of him calling someone “Butthead” all night. That’s it, he reminds me of fucking Jason Hervey’s character on “The Wonder Years”! All of that being said, he’s probably the greatest guy on earth and I’ve completely read him wrong, but that just means he’s doing his job well. I mean, he wouldn’t hold the prestigious NWA World Heavyweight Championship if he wasn’t. -Eric

Frankie Has Surgery Putting Suicide On Hold.

The Character Suicide dumbasses!

The Character Suicide dumbasses!

In what should shock nobody who has Kaz as a friend on MySpace (We do), the Wrestling Observer by way of Prowrestling.net , is reporting that Frankie underwent surgery to repair a torn triceps. Now I would like to call him a TNA Superstar but he clearly quit the company so this falls under the miscellaneous task. He was rumored though to be the “Suicide” character that TNA has been slipping in to their broadcast like the fourth penis a sorority girl feels on rush week.  Why TNA couldn’t just work out an injury angle for Kaz and let him go off for surgery is beyond all of us here at Stunt granny. It really continues the tired storytelling of TNA. Having him come back under a mask is no better and then calling him Suicide, sweet tits on a pig ghost is that dumb. Oh well, he won’t be seen for a while now so who cares. – Jeremy

We know who wears the dress in Vito’s family

Pfft... dummy.

Pfft... dummy.

According to Prowrestling.net and this rap sheet, former WWE, ECW (and I think TNA, but I don’t care enough to look it up) wrestler Vito LoGrasso was arrested Sunday for battery (domestic assault). He was released on his own recognizance, after which he read Jim Ross’ blog, saw that JR actually talked about him, and then realized he’s a fucking idiot for (allegedly) beating someone in his house. Good one, bonehead, someone important remembered who you were (albeit for wearing a dress), and now this happens. In other news, doesn’t he kinda look like if Carrot Top shaved his head? And I also like how he’s listed as “unemployed”; even indy workers who get arrested call themselves “professional wrestlers.” -Eric

See! We told you! (Win a date with Salinas on eBay)

Were not the kind of guys to say we told you so, but we... told you so! HAHAHAHA!

We're not the kind of guys to say we told you so, but we... told you so! HAHAHAHA!

Alright, kids, start sending your UNICEF pennies to me: Shelly Martinez, aka Salinas, aka Ariel, aka Jeremy’s boo, has put herself up for bid on eBay:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls … Have we got a very, very special auction for you! Up for your bidding pleasure is a chance to sit down, eat great food, talk and enjoy an afternoon/evening with one of the hottest ladies in professional wrestling … Shelly Martinez! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity deal! You don’t want to miss out on this one…

This auction includes lunch/dinner with Shelly at the world famous Mr Chow restaurant in Beverly Hills, California. Art, celebrity and superb cuisine all blend together in this internationally renowned restaurant under the direction of Michael Chow. The MR CHOW in Beverly Hills very quickly became a hangout spot, and exhibition space for some of the biggest stars in Hollywood’s Cafe Society. (more information about this historical restaurant can be found at http://www.mrchow.com/therestaurants/beverlyhills/)

I’m Mr. Chow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Chow…

And just to be sure everyone is clear, they reprint this important information:

This offer cannot be transferred into any other offer. (SG Note: I’m assuming this is directed toward us and means if we win, we can’t make a sexual offer. Nuts.) If date and time has been scheduled and winning bidder does not arrive, you cannot receive any type of refund.

Winning bidder will get the following:
– Lunch/Dinner with Shelly Martinez (date & time to be determined by both parties)
– Your photo with Shelly, which she will autograph for you!

She needs to autograph my crank and chow down on my balls. She is so hot… but doggone it, there’s just something in me that won’t allow me add to the THIRTY-EIGHT OTHER BIDS which have gotten up to $12,800. I mean for fuck’s sake, people. She’s not even gonna sexify you. She made that abundantly clear when we offered to pay for an apartment wrestling match with her: Shelly Martinez’s services are not up for sale! Oh… -Eric

P.S. To fully get my “up for bids” reference, check out my band Hold For Swank’s song “Does She Realize?” available on iTunes now!

GLOW Coming Back For No Reason

So Much Sexy

So Much Sexy

In yet another piece of evidence that American media has no original ideas left, PWInsider has some news up about possible resurgence of G.L.O.W. You remember G.L.O.W. right? It was the promotion that was in heavy syndication in the 80’s and featured random women “wrestling.” They wrestled somewhere and they called it Las Vegas even though there was no actual proof of wrestling being done other than climbing in the ring and flopping around like an epileptic wiener dog.

If this comes to fruition this could set back women’s wrestling all the way back to 1950 again. No women’s wrestling is not setting television ratings records but having a promotion centered around women wrestling poorly on a national showcase could be incredibly damaging to the small inroads made by TNA’s Knockout division. I am begging, yes begging, Jason Deadrich and Dave Prazak to do whatever is necessary to get their legitimate promotions, ChickFight and Shimmer, a national TV deal with a large amount of market saturation. Please, just a legit television deal so that people can be exposed to actual wrestling with actual wrestlers. If that sounds snobby then tough shit. Jeremy

Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup to raise money for child

2004 + 4 = 2008

2004 + 4 = 2008

Hmmm, maybe getting e-mails from that goon Shannon Rose isn’t such a bad deal, if it means we can tell you about this:

In November, 2002 independent wrestling phenomenon Jeff Peterson lost his long battle with cancer. May 16-17, 2003 saw the beginning of the Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup, a sixteen competitor tournament in honor of the fallen star. Each year since the event has grown to international levels. Previous winners of this prestigious tournament are “Reckless Youth” Tom Carter, Justice, Chris Sabin, Milano Collection AT and Chris Hero. If you have never seen it in person or purchased a DVD of the event we highly recommend this year is the year you become a part of the Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup.

This years Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup will be a fundraiser with ALL proceeds going to little boy named Devin Deschaine. Devin is a 2 yr old Port Richey boy with stage 4 Neuroblastoma. His form of Cancer is one of the most rare, & aggressive pediatric cancers. Only about 600 kids in the USA will be diagnosed with Neuroblastoma each year. About 70% of them will NOT survive. Devin is very close to our hearts & there is no other option for him but to SURVIVE. He’s a born fighter. He was a little fighter long before he was diagnosed. Neuroblastoma shouldn’t be any different. He just needs a little help with this fight.

The Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup in conjunction with the Tammie Hamaoui Foundation, Pro Wrestling Riot, World Wrestling Network & Floridawrestlingfans.com will be running this year’s tournament as fundraiser for Devin & his mom. She is single & needs help getting the bills paid during his treatment. Not to mention that he has a few procedures coming up that his insurance won’t cover. This family needs our help!

Friday, September 26, 2008
The New Lakes in Regency Park Civic Center
8330 Civic Drive – Port Richey, FL 34668
Doors Open 7:00 PM – Bell Time 8:00 PM

First Round Matches:

Erick Stevens vs. Chris Jones
Jigsaw vs. Kenny King
Sal Rinauro
vs. Chris Gray
Larry Sweeney
vs. Tommy Taylor
Jaison Moore vs. Rhett Titus
Nooie Lee vs. Brad Attitude
Gran Akuma vs. Craig Classic
Jon Davis vs. CJ O’Doyle

Also Featuring:
“The Marquee” Bruce Santee versus Kory Chavis w/ “Hardcore Giant” Ron Niemi
Dogmatika (Sideshow and Dany Only) vs. Francisco Ciatso & Shawn Osbourne w/ “Hardcore Giant” Ron Niemi

Saturday, September 27, 2008
Brooksville National Guard Armory
16386 Springhill Drive – Brooksville, FL 34604
Doors Open 7:00 PM – Bell Time 8:00 PM

Featuring the 2nd Round, Semi-Finals and Finals of the Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup 2008!

PLUS:
Tag Team Gauntlet: The Loggers versus The Heartbreak Express versus The Lifeguards
War Games Style Match: Bruce Santee, Sideshow, Sedrick Strong, and Black Market versus 911 Incorporated of Kory Chavis, Shawn Osborne, Francisco Ciatso, Mike Shane, and Ron Niemi

Two Night VIP Package (Limited Availability) – $50
Includes: Ringside Admission, Two Night VIP Meet & Greet & A Limited Addition 2008 JPC Poster

Two Night General Admission
Adults $25 and Kids 13 and under $15
Single Night Ringside $20
Single Night General Admission: Adults $15 and Kids 13 and under $10

For more information call 813-960-8412
To purchase tickets or to make donations go to: http://www.jpc2008.com

Damn, Stunt Granny is full of good news today. It’s like we’re doing all of this charity ourselves!

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