Awww, did someone eat the last piece of pie, Fatty?

Oh fuck, this is classic. “Wildcat” “Don’t Call Me Braden Walker” “Unless I’m Collecting a Paycheck When You Call Me That” Chris Harris showed up at an NWF show in Podunk, Virginia or something, lugging a microphone and a frown. The sad sack blubbered out a five-minute soliloquy about how his time in WWE “took my passion away for the business.” He also said “the last place for me to be right now is the ring” and that “the last match, I was the most uncomfortable that I’ve ever been.” Yeah, because your singlet needed to be a size bigger, Donkey Lips. And he was seriously on the verge of tears as he was saying this, which makes it way the fuck funnier. If you find humor in watching things more pathetic than me trying to hit on a hot chick from Bangladesh, if you want to laugh out loud at another “man’s” problems, if you want to watch a pile of mashed potatoes in a black dress shirt end his career in front of 49 rabid fans, I implore you, watch this video. Stunt Granny wishes Chris Harris the best of luck in his future Beef N’ Cheddars. -Eric

Cryme Tyme Rebuttal.

We're ill son!

We're ill son!

Over on WWE.com Cryme Tyme has a rebuttal video in response to The Miz and Morrison‘s classic “Dirt Sheet” last week. Seeing Shad totally subdued as John Morrison is worth this alone. Sure some of the boring gay jokes are still around but overall it’s still funny.

Why there isn’t a Cryme Tyme skit segment like this on Raw every week or at the least once a month is beyond me. If it is a matter of show time then cut out all of the Mike Adamle segments and replace them with this. They have worked in “The Dirt Sheet” ion a one hour episode of ECW television so why not this? Since they won’t give Cryme Tyme a reason or an opportunity to talk on Raw these prerecorded bits will substitute fine. -Jeremy

Jack Swazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ha, wrestling's gnarly.

Jack Swagger aka Jake Hager debuted on Tuesday’s edition of ECW. Normally this isn’t newsworthy and would be ignored but this bore some response. His debut sucked. At this juncture, other than his size, there is nothing to this kid and it isn’t his fault.

He has natural ability being a legitimate All-American Wrestler from Oklahoma and is assuredly being thought of in the same vein as Brock and Kurt. Maybe he will turn in to something down the road but given WWE’s patience it isn’t likely. It was an incredibly bad debut and the poor guy looked terrified and hid it behind a half grin, half smirk.

Maybe if he had come out and cut a promo consisting of a zombie tinged,  “Gurble bubble butt murm” this debut could have been saved. Instead the viewing audience was treated to a smug, charismaless splotch of a wrestler. There are many different people to blame for this and the most important person is the agent in charge of the match. They did nothing to help this kid. Well, unless Jack Swagger is deaf and has poor lip reading skills making him think his instructions were to go out, bore everyone to tears and give a smirk that says, ” Do not shit yourself. Do not shit yourself” then they are off the hook. -Jeremy

Rootin Tootin Varmints!

Yippe Yo Yeah.

Yippe Yo Yeah.

Dave Scherer over at PWInsider is reporting that the on sale date for WrestleMania 25 has been pushed back by two weeks. The original date was set for September 20th at 10 am sharp but due to the possibility of storms in Texas, WWE decided they would move the date back. The new date is October 11th at 10 am sharp.

It’s admirable of WWE to make sure that people in Texas can buy tickets for WrestleMania at the same time as the rest of us. Of course if Hurricane Ike hits and blows away a bunch of trailer parks and government subsidized homes won’t the homeless, below minimum wage workers of Texas have other things to concentrate on other than wrestling?  You know, like shooting Mexican border jumpers and putting retards to death? -Jeremy

Dutch, Jeff and Vince Get a Bright Idea

According to this report on Prowrestling.net, Mick Foley may get back into the ring for TNA if all goes well.  I’ll be the first to say that I can hardly contain myself at this joyous news.  I mean, who isn’t looking forward to an out of shape Mick Foley going up against his own rip off Abyss who is also out of shape, can’t wrestle and can’t cut a promo to save his life.  Dutch, Jeff and Vince already have them slated for a Barb Wire Bat On a Pole inside an electricfied Six Sides of Steel Cage Match.  We here at Stunt Granny are so excited about this possible match up that we wouldn’t pirate it even if we could. – Kevin

I'm positive that this gimmick is the only one Vince Russo has recycled.

I'm positive that this was the only gimmick Vince Russo has recycled.

 
I didn't know what a treadmill was in these days either.

I didn't know what a treadmill was in these days either.

The Art of Wrestling – ECW Update II

There always seems to be something new that I notice every week that I watch a show that is roster thin like ECW.  At this rate, I’m not going to get to any other brands.  More changes for these folks –

Evan Bourne – For one week, he had switched to blue pants which have thankfully have not come back.  One change that he did make that week that stuck was a change in his boots.  He went from the arch on the front to an elongated M shape but was still red trimmed in white.  The most peculiar thing I noticed about them was the silver laces on the back side of the boots.  Additional silver trim was on the heel and toe of the boots.    Evan also got his last name added to the rear of his pants that are black lettering layered in red then white.  The other minor change is that he went from wearing silver arm bands above his biceps to a red band that in flanked by red.  I really like the changes in the boots but they don’t need to add the name to the pants.

The Miz– When out lending moral and physical support to his tag team partner John Morrison, the Miz was wearing a new fedora.  The fedora itself was still black.  The band changed to a silver latticed work that was interrupted at regular intervals by a black square that had a red stone in the middle of it.  On the back side of the hat was a giant sequined design that I couldn’t make out but was awful in it’s gaudiness.

Jack Swagger– A new wrestler that went basic black.  He had long, black wrist tape that ran up a quarter of the way on his forearms, black trunks, black knee pads and black boots.  I’m surprised they went this bland with him considering that they billed him as “The All American America”.  I would have expected some type of outfit in red, white and blue.  When going all black and using a last name like swagger, you’d also assume the WWE to give him a cowboy hat.  I guess two cowboys hats are enough for now.  Either way, it’s plain jane.  I’ll hope his outfit evolves as he gets some personality.

Mark Henry – I noted incorrectly yesterday that the dead lifting character had been removed from the thigh area of Henry’s singlet.  It’s on both sides in bright gold.

Matt Hardy– Another comment I made wrongly yesterday, The “MH” design appears to be on the lower left or right hand side of Hardy’s rear pocket.  The location corresponds to the side of the body it is on.  It also appears that there’s a small arced area that houses said logo that is solid rust orange with black lettering trimmed in white. – Kevin

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