Dawn Marie helping raise something in my pants

This post was really just an excuse to post this picture.

Let's be honest: This post was really just an excuse to use this picture.

According to the Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Online, former ECW and WWE star Dawn Marie is asking for help for Hurricane Ike victims sweet jesus she’s a hot piece of ace…

–Dawn Marie is trying to raise supplies for Hurricane Ike victims in Houston.  She is asking people to send food, toothpaste, toiletry items, and towels to Torrie Wilson and Nick Mitchell, who will distribute them to the community, by sending to Wilson at 9595 Six Pines Dr., The Woodlands, TX  77380.  Make sure to donate with your name and mention it is for Wrestlers Rescue.

My friends Merz, Otto, Brad and myself got front-row tickets to an ECW on TNN TV taping in May 2000 in St. Paul, Minn. Dawn Marie was at ringside, and the camera caught me blatantly staring at her hot ass and making lewd comments to Merz. My girlfriend at the time (and current skank) saw me and wondered what I was doing, so I told her I was laughing at a comment Merz — who is by far the most religious person I know — made about Dawn’s sweet, sweet can. And you know what? I would trade in the two years I spent with that piece of filth for one more look at Dawn’s sweet, sweet can. -Eric

The Art of Wrestling – Smackdown’s Men Part II

After doing some more viewing this past week, the men’s side will be a three part series.  I may break the women up by the individual since they all change close to weekly.  Let’s start this series with the King of Kings.

HHH – He always wears his most recently designed t-shirt to the ring.   HHH’s in ring garb starts with his white taped wrists with his right hand being covered.  He wears black elbow and knee pads.  His black boots have the HHH Iron Cross.  HHH sports black tights have a white thin lined iron cross that has a skull in the middle of a circle on both the front and back.  The HHH Iron Cross has been around for a while and is a decent design but the tights seem a little too cluttered with the skull in the middle.  If they separated the designs with one on the front and the other on the back.

The Big Show– Shockingly, he wears a single strap singlet that mimics Andre The Giant’s garb.  Even if it’s obvious, the parallels will always be there because of both athlete’s size so there is no reason to dodge the comparison.  It’s basic black which is nice and simple, just like this review.

Victor Kozlov– The “Moscow Mauler” has a basic look too.  He wears black boots, elbow and knee pads.  He also sports white trunks.  When a Russian character is portrayed, I’m always a little surprised that he isn’t wearing red with a yellow hammer and sicklelike Boris Zhukov or Nikolai Volkoff.  Because they taut him as Sambo champion, they could have given him a ring jacket called a kurtka, a belt and shorts and Sambo boots called sambovki.  Read more about Sambo and their attire here.  With Kozlov’s demeanor, his outfit works so I won’t argue with the fact that it is basic.

Shelton Benjamin– From the bottom up, he has gold on the front and back of his boots with black on the sides, soles and laces.  Shelton has gold tights with a white design with black trim on the left hip and a black design with white trim on the right hip.  The bottom of the short leg has a thin black and white band that overlines the word “Gold” in black letters on the right thigh and “Standard” on the left thigh.  He also has black knee pads and elbow pads.  The “Gold Standard” lives up to his nickname with his outfit.  If they’d only let him grow out that poorly dyed hair, he’d look even better.

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Finally something to say about Jeff Hardy

WHEEEEEE! I wanna get on the fly-fly!

"WHEEEEEE! I wanna go on the fly-fly!"

According to Dave Meltzer’s report on Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Weekly… well here, let me just put it in a blockquote:

Southwest Airlines reported that Jeff Hardy was not allowed to board yesterday’s flight from Nashville after Tuesday night’s tapings, back to Raleigh, because he was intoxicated.

Southwest Airlines spokesperson Chris Mainz reported that Hardy appeared intoxicated and an airlines employee reported it and he was not allowed on the flight.

The Nashville Tennessean web site reported that Hardy was cooperative when asked to leave. Hardy was not arrested, nor was a police report filed on the incident according to Nashville airport security police. Hardy was allowed to wait it out and take a later flight home.

We’ve triple-checked our sources and realize there’s nothing much to talk about here. Jeff Hardy didn’t go cartwheeling off the wagon, tumbling down Snake River Canyon and causing his family to lose three days on the Oregon Trail. There will be no tombstone that reads “HERE LIES JEFF FUCK SHIT HAHA” the next time someone loads the game. OK, he, like many other wrestlers, has a disposition for intoxicating substances, and while we all wish he was “clean” 24 hours a day, that’s just not an option. But if an airline and/or airport security — which is more anal about this stuff than three of Jeremy’s ex-girlfriends combined — didn’t think it was a big enough deal to do more than ask him to wait a little while before boarding another flight, no one else should worry their pretty little water noggin, either. -Eric

Daizee Haze Killer Promo Alert

The New ROH Video Wire has a really well done promo by Daizee Haze around the three-minute mark. Being the resident women’s wrestling guy, this is pretty much what women can bring to the table when not in the ring. Daizee speaks with a lot of passion and seemingly genuine emotion and the entire thing clicks very well. Sure she may repeat herself a bit but when given a real opportunity she absolutely killed. Maybe I am just a sucker and enjoyed that a woman was featured in a prominent role with her clothes on for a change.   Hopefully this isn’t pushed to the side and ROH continues to give their women athletes a stronger role in the company other than just eye candy. Not that there is anything wrong with making a living like that. But then….nevermind, We like women here at Stunt Granny, isn’t it obvious?

Too bad it is wasted on Rhett Titus but oh well you can’t have everything.

One other note, the crowd absolutely sucks for the in ring segments. They only got up for the Briscoes and for Steen and Generico flipping off the top rope. You could hear a homeless guy yelling for a break at one point and he was outside. Can anyone else guess where this took place? If you said Cleveland you would be right. Wait, a bad crowd in Cleveland? No fucking way! -Jeremy

HAHAHAHA, Kurt and Karen Angle divorcing!

One of these days, Karen, POW, right in your fuckin yap, you scuzzy whore. Now make me a sandwich!

"One of these days, Karen, POW, right in your fuckin' yap, you scuzzy whore. Now make me a sandwich!"

This is fucking awesome: The human ashtray Kurt Angle and his skeezy wife Karen are getting a divorce, says Prowrestling.net and announced on Bubba the Love Sponge. This comes after tons of mistakes on both of their parts: Kurt’s affair, a pregnant Karen seen out on the town with another guy, Kurt’s addiction to aisle 6 at Eckard’s, Karen licking the locker room floor clean every night. TNA was even brilliant enough to book their break-up, giving us hours of nonentertainment we’ll never, ever get back. We here at Stunt Granny wish Kurt and Karen the best in convincing someone to hook up with dirtballs of their magnitude. -Eric

Pro Wrestling Ohio – Wrestlelution Ladder Match

When I last visited the fine world of Pro Wrestling Ohio, the programming got bumped because of the Indians extra inning game.  The following week when the replay was supposed to air, Sports Time Ohio aired the Ladder Match for the Heirloom Swords.  Try number three was indeed lucky, so I got to see the finish of the match.  Click on the first link for the review of the beginning of this show.

Dombrowski sent the next segment to the finish of the Ladder Match between V Squared, Virus and Virus Grande, and Pirate Justice, “Bloody” Morty Rackem & Matthew Justice.  After the video package, Domborwski recounted how the Three Way Ladder Match came to be on the Wrestlelution card.  He said that the new season for the PWO will start October the 19th.

A contract was hung above the ring to represent the Tag Team Titles that were to be awarded to the winners of the match.  V Squared were introduced first.  Irish Nothing, Jake Crist & Vincent Nothing, were introduced second.  Pirate Justice came out last.  V Squared and Pirate Justice paired off while Irish Nothing waited for a good oppurtunity to attack.  Pirate Justice cleared the ring and each grabbed a ladder.  Justice tried to grab the contract but was tipped off the ladder and crotched onto the top rope by V Squared.  Virus got a beat down in one corner by Irish Nothing and then double hip tossed across the ring and onto a ladder propped up in the corner.  The ladder bent so it looked like a brutal bump.  Vincent Nothing then gave Morty Rackem an Alabama Slam on a different ladder which bent even more.  Justice came in and used a chair a la Sabu to springboard onto Virus Grande whose back was up against a ladder.  Justice then set up a prone Virus Grande with a ladder in his face and hit a Van Terminator on the short side of the ring.  Nothing hit a sit down power bomb on Virus.  Rackem got up momentarily to hit Nothing with a chair as he was about to grab the contract.

Virus slammed Justice onto a chair and then missed a second rope moonsault.  A ladder got set up on top of the ropes in the corner.  Rackem and Crist teamed up to superplex Virus Grande while standing on the ladder.  A ladder got set up between the guard rail and the ring.  Justice hit a springboard splash onto Nothing on the ladder.  Jake Crist tried to climb a ladder but it was broken and collapsed.  V Squared lodged the broken ladder in between the rungs of another ladder to stabilize it.  Virus Grande was trying to get up the back side of the stabilized ladder when Crist got on the broken ladder and suplexed him on to it.  That ladder was officially destroyed.  Nothing and Justice both climbed the ladder when Nothing took control and gave Justice a DVD from near the top.  That move allowed Crist to grab the contracts.  One of the main sponors of the league then came to the ring and presented Jake Crist & Vincent Nothing with the PWO Tag Team Titles.

Analysis: As I noted before, the lack of a larger number of cameras  made the action hard to follow.  The match was a real spotfest after the opening five minutes.  The recovery time was just too quick to believe that any of these moves were hurting them.  I may make fun of Edge for taking “a coffee break” during their TLC match at Wrestlemania X-7 but it sold how injured he was after taking a big move.  Morty Rackem should have been down for quite sometime before he kept Vincent Nothing from winning the belts.  The belts went to Irish Nothing though which is a good booking decision so that you can have the babyface team, Pirate Justice, chasing them.  At least V Squared collected a paycheck and those two guys deserve it because in both of the recent ladder matches, they took the majority of the brutal looking bumps.

Bob Holly Found!

Stern.

Stern.

Slam Wrestling is reporting that Bob Holly, who has been off television since losing the tag titles, has entered a rehab facility in “Georgia” Now, Georgia isn’t the biggest state in the union but it is plenty big enough that some better details would be nice. What has been nice though is the lack of Bob Holly on my television. How many more years were we supposed to put up with the same bullshit week in and week out? We get it Bob; you are tough and mean. Blah blah, you also are not interesting and are a total fuckin bore.

In the same report his contract is coming up and has yet to be renewed. So there are two distinct positives to this story. One, a wrestler is getting help for his addictions before he dies. The other positive; no more Bob Holly on your television. -Jeremy

Diamond Dallas Page Lives

It's me....um remember me?

It's me, it's me, remember me?

Here’s a real knee slapper. Over at Prowrestling.net Jason Powell is still listening to “The Unholy Matrimony Show.” Why? I have no idea.  Anyway, Diamond Dallas Page was interviewed on the show. Now, the fact someone wanted to talk to Dallas Page is hilarious. What makes this even funnier is the fact that he claims that he gave his blessing for Randy Orton to use the Diamond Cutter as his finisher. On top of that he says that Randy was apprehensive about using it since it was Dallas’ move first.

Knowing Randy Orton‘s history and the level of respect that Page got in WWE/F makes this story a scream.

I can only imagine a young Randy respectfully and soulfully searching for that one finishing move that would get him over. Then, in a moment of absolute clarity he realizes the most perfect move in the history of wrestling but damn it all if it wasn’t done first by Diamond Dallas Page. After painfully wwrestlign with this conundrum, he approaches Vince McMahon and informs him of this life altering conundrum. After explaining himself he looks longingly to him for approval and then, after a moment or two of silence, Vince McMahon looks at him and says,

“Who the fuck is Diamond Dallas Page? Use the move.”

As Randy walks away with a new outlook on his career and a cringe in his bowels he hears Vince yell to him again,

“Really, who the fuck is Diamond Dallas Page?” -Jeremy

Salinas On The Move

Temporarily gone, but not forgotten... she has a permanent place in our spank banks.

Temporarily gone, but never forgotten... she has a permanent home in our spank banks.

This is either the best news in a long while or the worst. Salinas aka Shelly Martinez aka The Hottest Woman in Wrestling, is gone from TNA. She posted on her MySpace page that she is going off to film a movie and has gone through the next open door while another closes. This has a lot of potential to be a great move as the last time she was split with a wrestling company it led to nudity and bondage.

Hey everyone! First I want to say to everyone who ordered my photos sorry for the delay. The printing held it up so I will send those off this week and have a little gift for you guys or gals for the trouble!!

Anywho, this blog is about choices. Sometimes in life you find yourself saying “I have no choice” and you follow your heart even if it seems at the time your heart may be breaking when you do follow your heart and commit to it. I made a big decision recently and when it is time to talk about it I promise I will have a follow up blog explaining. I care about all my fans and appreciate your support. On a good note, when you find it’s time to close a door another door (weather you looking or not) opens right up and I’ve peaked inside and decided to open it and walk right in LOL

Starting tomorrow I will be begin to film an Italian inspired thriller. I had rehearsal yesterday and my costar and I have great chemistry together so it will be grand!! YAY!! I am working on having my camera guy shoot some behind the scene for my new site!! Yes, I am disappointed to lose something important to me for this role but at the same time change, scary change, always seems to lead to bigger and better things. I will keep you all posted, until then remember no matter what 5150 LAX por vida!!!!

Shelly

P.S. For the record this blog was posted by Shelly Martinez on Sept 14th, 2008 at 11:18am PST

We here at Stunt Granny wish her all the best in her future. While the notion that she will be off our television screens for the foreseeable future the possibility remains for more moving pictures of her with little to no clothes on. -Jeremy

Final lineup for tonight’s TNA No Surrender

It wont be half as good as this.

It won't be half as good as this.

Can you feel the excitement in the air?! I can’t! It’s TNA No Surrender, and it’s one hour away! But my predictions are no minutes away. Here’s the final lineup, according to TNAWrestling.com, and totally not taking into consideration the possibility that Booker T might not make it since he lives in the current shitstorm that is Houston, Texas, and can’t exactly be flying all over the country:

MAIN EVENT FOR THE TNA WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
FOUR WAYS TO GLORY MATCH:

Champion Samoa Joe vs. Booker T vs. Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage

Thoughts: Who cares? No matter what, everyone will come out looking worse, and that goes double for Samoa Joe.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Beer Money, Inc. vs. The Latin American Xchange

Thoughts: Who cares? Beer Money fifty-percent sucks, and the other 50 percent might have suffered a concussion at last night’s house show, says the Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Online. And Shelly won’t wrestle me in my apartment. LAX are rad, though. They deserve better than Storm and Roode for opponents.

X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Champion “Maple Leaf Muscle” Petey Williams vs. Consequences Creed vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir

Thoughts: Who cares? I kinda like Consequences Creed, but his outfit is stupid, his Rough Cuts are running too long, and his work name is awful compared to his real name. Petey Williams is ten types of nothing-happening these days. Shaun Daivari is the man, but Abdul Bashir gets his ass kicked by referees.

MIXED MARTIAL ARTS MATCH
“The Phenomenal” AJ Styles vs. Frank Trigg

Thoughts: Who the fuck cares?

TAG TEAM MATCH
Abyss & Matt Morgan vs. Team 3D

Thoughts: Jesus Christ, who in the flying fucking world cares? At least this is addition by subtraction.

KNOCKOUT WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
Champion Taylor Wilde vs. Angelina Love of The Beautiful People

Thoughts: Hot chicks, lots of momentum, OK wrestling, and one woman with a roll-up as a finisher. A mixed bag, but I’ll probably be playing with my bag during this match.

LADDER OF LOVE MATCH
“Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. “The Guru” Sonjay Dutt

Thoughts: Who cares? Jay Lethal is now stuck with this awful gimmick (that I used to love, when I thought they’d show some restraint and cut it off before it was too late), Sonjay Dutt is just awful, and So Cal Val looks like her mom irons clothes with her face. End this shit now.

CHALLENGE MATCH
The Rock N’ Rave Infection (Lance Rock, Jimmy Rave and Christy Hemme) vs. The Prince Justice Brotherhood (Curry Man, Shark Boy & Super Eric)

Thoughts: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking stupid. All of you, go kill yourselves.

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE

ODB vs. Awesome Kong w/ Raisha Saeed

Thoughts: I wonder if ODB ever dumped that doofus who kept standing in the way of my camera while I was taping an indy show she was on?

OK, enjoy the show. I’ll have the car running and the garage all sealed up if you want to join me.

Yell at Eric by writing to eric@stuntgranny.com.

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