Dolph Ziggler: “Hi, I’m an idiot.”

Close enough, just as stupid.

Close enough, just as stupid.

According to WWE.com, Dolph Ziggler, aka Nick Nemeth, aka Nicky from the Spirit Squad, aka Kerwin White’s caddy, has been suspended for 30 days for his first Wellness Policy violation. Here’s a guy who’s been saddled with some of the worst gimmicks WWE has come up with (saying what you will about the Spirit Squad: a male cheerleader is not a good gimmick), and he chooses to do himself a favor by getting himself suspended. I mean, come on, you couldn’t even offer to drive Funaki around in exchange for his piss? The Big Sho (get it?) was a great patsy for Batista a while back. I’d suggest anyone else in the company to help you pass a piss test, but no one else is eligible. Chemistry labs put William Regal’s urine in a centrifuge and pour the separated liquids into clearly marked beakers, never to be combined again. Jeff Hardy’s pee isn’t even visible under black light… it IS black light.

Eh, whatever. Maybe after 30 days, WWE will realize how stupid the name “Dolph Ziggler” is and change it. Were they envisioning Ivan Drago as a porn star or something? Stupid. -Eric

The Art of Wrestling – Beer Money, INC.

I’ve been picking on the WWE so I thought I’d take some time to pick on the red headed step child, TNA. For an appetizer, I will be looking at one of their top sellers, Beer Money, INC.’s t-shirt. The base color is black which is standard for most wrestling t-shirts. They have done a good job of matching the color of US currency on all of the graphics front and back. The color of money is light enough to have all of the graphics create a good contrast with the black base. I like the inclusion of both of their names in the darker green at the top and bottom of the center of the bill because it imitates bills that are going out of circulation. TNA really could have put the cleverness level over the top by replacing the Treasury Secretary’s signature with Jim Cornette’s over the label TNA Management Director.

What Benjamin really looks like.

What Benjamin really looks like.

The center design takes it shape from the Department of the Treasury’s seal so they’re really sticking to their theme. I don’t mind the catch phrase “It pays to be Roode” and the cowboy skeleton drinking is right up James Storm’s and many wrestling fan’s alley.

This cowboy skeleton would not be a appropriate.

This cowboy skeleton would not be a appropriate.

On the back is their joint catch phrase “Mind on my money” by Roode and Storm’s response “Money on my beer”. TNA just couldn’t leave well enough alone. If they just had the TNA logo on the back in the small print as they have, it would have even been fine. Both statements are straight out of Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice” which James and Robert may listen to in real life but certainly doesn’t fit a hillbilly or a snobby character. – Kevin

For any other questions about the Treasury Department, contact me at kevin@stuntgranny.com

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