The Name Game: WWE PPV titles vs. TNA’s crapfest

Hard to beat

Hard to beat.

Sounds like federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

Sounds like federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

Bound For Glory, TNA’s flagship pay-per-view, took place Sunday. I don’t give a good god damn what happened on the show, but the show was an opportunity for the monthly jokes about how terrible TNA’s PPV names are to crop up.

But in comparison to WWE’s PPV names (and certainly Ring of Honor’s DVD titles, which is a blog for another time and dimension and cosmos where I care about them anymore), are TNA’s really that bad? Sure, they sound like terrible Steven Seagal movies, but guess what? So do most of WWE’s. And the kicker, the part a lot of people forget, is Vince Russo, likely one of the people responsible for naming these shows (I believe he was the reason WCW was going to name seven of their PPVs after the deadly sings), used to work at a video store. These awful, cheesy, sometimes straight-to-video names surrounded him all day, every day. I’m sure when he was fantasy booking his league in his trusty notebook (what a nerd, who would do that?), he just looked down the “Action” aisle and gleaned the first 12 blood-spattered, bullet-spelled titles he saw.

WWE’s PPV schedule went monthly beginning May 1995, and it started adding more elaborate subtitles to the In Your House shows during Russo’s rise to power. Now that the dust has settled, and WWE and TNA have an established monthly (or in WWE’s case, a little more often) schedule, which company really has the better collection of names, and which one is worthy of the most ridicule? Let’s compare them, month by month.

January: Royal Rumble (WWE) vs. Final Resolution (TNA)
WWE’s January PPV is named after one of the greatest gimmick matches in history. TNA’s is named after someone’s yearly goal not to bite their fingernails anymore.
WWE: 1, TNA: 0

February: No Way Out (WWE) vs. Against All Odds (TNA)
This is one of WWE’s PPV titles that sounds like a Chuck Norris movie or something that aired after WCW Thunder on, as my friend Scotto would say, “Movies For Guys Who Like Guys.” Unfortunately, TNA’s show sounds too much like a Genesis single. A commercial with Disco Inferno beats a song by Phil Collins every time.
WWE: 2, TNA: 0

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