Kurrgan KOs Robert Downey, Jr. for poor SNL stint

This is MY movie, mother fucker! Jude Law, youre next!

"This is MY movie, mother fucker! Jude Law, you're next!"

According to Prowrestling.net, the former Kurrgan accidentally knocked out Robert Downey, Jr. while filming a fight scene for the new “Sherlock Holmes” movie…

Actor Robert Downey Jr. required medical attention after he was decked by Robert Maillet while filming the movie Sherlock Holmes. Maillet, who played Kurgan [sic] in WWE, caught Downey with a punch during a fight scene. “Robert was accidentally caught on the chin by a thundering hook,” a source told IMDB.com. “He went flying and was out cold. He didn’t want to go to the hospital and kept trying to get up. He’s a trooper.”

Downey has been the comeback story of 2008. Leave it to this big dolt to potentially derail the Downey train. Speaking of which, in his salad days, how many trains do you think Downey ran with his co-stars on unsuspecting prostitutes? I hope the answer is “many.” Also, remember how Downey was in “Natural Born Killers”? And do you remember the scene when Rodney Dangerfield is watching Tatanka wrestle a jobber? See, everything comes full circle. It’s like Six Degrees of Reno Riggins or some shit. -Eric

What The Hell is This?

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I have never had the venom for Greg Helms the way some here at Stunt Granny seemingly have in endless supply. I really liked the Hurricane gimmick until it was run in to the ground. I was even willing to give the Hurricane Helms gimmick a chance. Unfortunately, all of my goodwill has been splashed away like a sterile load in the face of a homeless man due to this pic on his MySpace page.

 Look at this dumbass tattoo. Unless Helms is going to wear a singlet the rest of his career he can never go shirtless without looking like a total fucking tool. I never go the whole tattoo thing anyway but something like this is ridiculous. It’s his last name. Why would you do that and really, why on your back? No one cares who you are. It isn’t a sign of strength or confidence it screams “Hey ladies, take a walk on the wildside. WILDSIDE! Then we can get in my Iroc Z and cruise around in all my manliness.” -Jeremy

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

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We here at Stunt Granny would like to send out all our best to you, our loyal readers on this joyous day of over indulgence and prosperous gluttony. So get back to the television and watch The Lions get their asses kicked. Fucking Fords. -Jeremy

Well Look Who’s Coming Back

I warrant a better mold then this.

I warrant a better mold than this.

According to The Wrestling Observer Newsletter and found over at Prowrestling.net, Tyson Tomko, late of an aborted Japan run, has signed with the WWE. This is fantastic news if it was the beginning of 2008 and not the end. Tomko was TNA’s rising star back in those days and they subsequently ruined him. He didn’t do himself any favors in the political games but then how is that possible in TNA anyway. Seriously, they have a dog in a skirt on a beach ball as a main event act and he couldn’t keep himself in the spotlight?

Anyway, Tomko is going to make a welcome addition to the Smackdown roster. Well, he should at any rate. Smackdown sucks and has recently gotten better with the return of Edge.  Now if they bring in Christian Cage Smackdown may be worth watching again. Oh yeah, they would have to bump down Triple H to the midcard and bump up MVP but this isn’t about Smackdown, it’s about Tomko. You know, the guy that just got signed. Wait, he isn’t irrelevant already is he? -Jeremy

Maven Makes A Return

Here’s a video we all can appreciate. We all remember Maven right? He was the guy that won Tough Enough and then we never really saw much of his ability after that on WWE television. Well, he has resurfaced ads a pitchman for the QVC. This video is great for the fact that Maven is in full wrestling promo mode throughout. He not only lies and says he has a cat but he furthers it with exaggerated mannerisms and a tight shirt made for clubbing.

Pay special attention to his cat condo or whatever it’s called. Unless it holds all of his one-night stands and scorned women notches then I don’t believe he has a cat at all. What single man owns a cat? Gay men and fat lonely women own multiple cats not just one so that rules Maven out of that scenario.

By the way, who the fuck owns a cat nowadays? Better yet why? Those pieces of ungrateful shit arte worthless and more than half of the damn population is allergic to them. I have a better idea for cat litter boxes so I may as well share.

Instead of letting the animal shit in your house, how about smacking it around and tossing it outside to do it’s business? This way your house doesn’t smell like dried feces and no one has to pop even more pills before entering your abode. -Jeremy

The Art of Wrestling – The Beautiful People Boutique

Robert Miqueli, of the PW Torch message board, brought a great link to my attention.  Kip James is selling his own merchandise which is terrible and does provide for some good mocking.  He uses the same picture on multiple styles of t-shirts for both adults and children, home and office supplies like a mouse pad and even for the ladies, a thong

I could sit here and mock this stuff, but the thong actually got me to thinking, how much merchandise do the Beautiful People move?  I went to TNAshop.com and went to the Knockouts section and they don’t have a single t-shirt or any other item.  They have a hot act that clearly has a fetish for clothing and looking beautiful so why not have an on air show and call it “The Beautiful People Boutique”.  It could easily replace the segment that ODB has started for herself and be a much better version of Karen’s Angle because both Angelina and Velvet Sky can talk.  They could come out sporting their first t-shirt and help to advertise for ShopTNA.com.  One can think of it as a better way of doing what Degeneration X has done before.  If they didn’t want to be quite that blatant, they could run a crawler advertising their new products while the segment is airing.

"You can not be one of us, but you can imitate us..."

"You can not be one of us, but you can imitate us..."

The Beautiful People could even come up with a different product for each week that would specifically insult their guest.  Going back to their feud with Roxxi, they could have invited her on the show and offered a wig to her.  I’m not sure the wig would sell well but certain things would catch on easier than others. 

The spray that they use in their matches to blind people could be marketed to help bring in more women or an over obssessed man who wants his girlfriend to smell like his favorite female wrestlers. The spray could even be different products from hair spray to perfume.  In any of these situations, they could use a new catch phrase “You can not be us, but you can imitate us.”

"You can't be us, but you can imitate us by buying our new lace underwear at ShopTNA.com

"If you buy our new lace mini skirt or underwear at ShopTNA.com." Thanks to TNAwrestling.com for the picture.

After getting the word out on TV, they could even make “The Beautiful People Boutique” part of TNAShop.com.  They could even sell a sexier version of a thong that women might actually wear. – Kevin

Honky Tonk Man’s WWF debut… as a face

From the Random Stuff Department: It’s no big secret that the Honky Tonk Man debuted in the WWF in 1986 as a babyface, but I’d never seen his first match until now. Oh man, this was a terrible idea all around. His look was awful, the commentary was hilariously awful (Jesse Ventura making fun of Honky AND Hulk Hogan, and Vince McMahon trying his best to keep up), and the crowd silently shit on the whole thing. Good times. -Eric

Ted Dibiase Is Going To The Pictures

ted-dibiase

I'm A Marine.

So for all of you who have been wondering what happened to Ted Dibiase, well look no further than PWInsider.com. Teddy boy has been off getting married but more importantly he is starting to film “The Marine 2.” Since the first “The Marine” was such a hit and was made with such care and quality, WWE has indeed sanctioned a straight to DVD sequel. Apparently John Cena tossed his weight around and wants nothing to do with this possible cash cow.  He must have gotten wind that Kelly Carlson will not be in this one so why bother being part of the sequel.

Ted Dibiase is a strange choice to star in this since he is hardly a household name. WWE could have used any number of wrestlers for this project and not stunted the momentum Ted was showing on Raw. Wrestlers such as……….forget it. No word yet on Robert Patrick’s involvement but more importantly no word is out about the black guy who got fingerbanged at camp. If you saw the movie, you know exactly who I am talking about. -Jeremy

Mick Foley Has A Hit On His Hands

Just send me the checks.

Just send me the checks.

Our old employer, and now part-time employer, PWTorch.com has an article up about Mick Foley‘s new sitcom in development with Spike TV. The show will feature Mick Foley, Joey Kola, whoever that is (If he is good I don’t care since he agreed to this shop), Rupert Someone from Survivor (A show I have never watched) and porn relic Christy Canyon (Her of the stretched and battered vagina and probable gaping asshole.)

How this show is appealing to anyone with sight, hearing and fingers is a mystery. This is a Spike TV program so there is no chance of seeing those saggy 36DD titties getting Joey Kola off in the opening credits so what is the point. Really, unless it is a four-man double anal gangbang every episode there is no possible interest whatsoever.

Making this story even better is the fact they were going to call the show “Hey Dude” and since it didn’t test well (Hint: No one tested the show’s title) they changed it to “Have A Nice Day.”

Of course the real reason behind switching the name is because “Hey Dude” was already taken by a far superior show. In case you missed it  “Hey Dude” featured a bunch of queero kids working on a dude ranch in the fictional town of Iamnotgettingassrapedbygaycowboyseventhoughgaycowbysisredundant. It was a huge hit with future Emo kids and pedophiles. -Jeremy

Hey Another WWE Roster Cut!

Unemployment starts there?

Unemployment starts there?

WWE has released yet another contracted independent contractor. This time, Armando Estrada is the victim. You remember him from such matches as….um……yeah. He was also the General manager of ECW for a spell and ended up losing control to Teddy Long. He broke on to the WWE scene as the manager of the “monster” Umaga. This was his best spot as he complemented the silent Umaga and actually got Umaga over before even wrestling.

This is no big loss for WWE as they will eventually fill his role with another “ethnic” character who will use stereotypical mannerisms and fake accents while bugging their eyes out like a Lemur. Armando will just have to take his cigars, his fantastic abs and his snazzy sense of style to another promotion. May I suggest ROH. -Jeremy

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