Maryse Injured; Will Still Get Naked

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Newly crowned WWE Diva’s Champion Maryse Oulette was injured this past Saturday at a house show in Raleigh, North Carolina according to WWE.com. She dislocated her knee during the bout and remarkably did not tough it out like the rest of the he-men in the company according to this report on ProWrestling.net. She simply fell to the mat in pain and allowed someone else to do what was right for business. For those of you who do not know who Maryse is due to MyNetwork TV’s awful affiliate availability, she is the incredibly hot blonde that started off as the commercial girl for WWE Smackdown. Then she appeared on TV and then became a wrestler after some time in Deep South Wrestling. We here at Stunt Granny wish Maryse a speedy recovery and pray that this injury will not interfere with her seemingly monthly lay outs Playboys specialty magazines. Really though, Playboy isn’t all about the vag like it should be, so they can do a bunch of knee high shots featuring her airbrushed hairless cooter and beautiful hard fake taters. -Jeremy

Yes She Is Still Alive.

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You can file this under, “Wait, she’s still alive?” Joanie Lauer, or as the rest of us know her, Chyna, was taken to the hospital Saturday morning after her “alcohol did not mix well with her prescription meds” according to TMZ. You know, the bastion of all things proper and right with news.

The best part about this story is that she was too drunk to even pass a pysch evaluation. I’ve had plenty of those moments but they usually end by chasing Kevin down the desolate and dirty streets of Columbus as he peels off his clothing. It’s never a pretty site.

Back to not so pretty sites, PWInsider is reporting that this may have been a suicide attempt on her part. If so, well, this isn’t an “attempt” it’s a cry for attention. If she wanted to off herself there is one sure fire way of doing so. Shoot yourself in the head. But then, there are the instances where people survive and are horribly deformed afterward. So, did Chyna already try shooting herself? I mean look at that monstrosity. What the fuck happened to her face? It’s like a dog chewed on her lips for a few hours and then pissed bleach in her face? -Jeremy

Merry Christmas!

A Secret Touch Is A Gift Polly

A Secret Touch Is A Gift Polly.

Merry Christmas everyone, We here at Stunt Granny would like to take this moment to step away form our much cherished family time and give a big thank you to all of you whop visit this site on a daily basis or just sometimes. Posting will be a tad infrequent over the next few days due to the probable binge drinking on Eric’s part; the forced isolation Dusty performs every year; Kevin’s yearly gallivanting in Altoona and my mental spiral after too much family time and lack of hard drugs. So relish your time left on this planet and to all a Merry Christmas.

 

In the meantime, check out Eric’s Christmas video treasures as well as Stunt Granny Audio #22 and 23. All of this should get you through the Christmas weekend. -Jeremy

Merry Christmas, Grandkids!

Professional wrestling and Christmas have a long history. I don’t know any of it, but I remember this hunk of garbage. As his Million Dollar Corporation whittled down to nothingness (no offense to the Ringmaster), Ted DiBiase confronted Savio Vega at the December 1995 In Your House to proclaim as he strolled into sight that Santa Claus had sold out! But wait, it wasn’t the real Santa Claus, it was XANTA KLAUS! The future Balls Mahoney was officially saddled with the third-worst holiday-themed gimmick in history (with the Gobbledy Gooker being No. 1, and if you count the jingle bells attached to the Ding Dongs’ outfits, they can be No. 2; and I’d love to hear other people’s terrible holiday/wrestling memories), and Scott Taylor was his first television opponent. Check out the future (and now former) Scotty II Hotty, mullet and all, be taken apart by a man whom Good Ol’ J.R. could only say was “330 pounds” and “unethical.” Blecch. -Eric

P.S. OK, how about some better memories? Three guys that may collectively be the SG staff’s all-time faves: Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper forcing Bobby Heenan to play nice as Santa Claus. God, this was great.

PWO – Season 2 – Episodes 3 & 4

To kick off the second episode, Bobby “The Body” Shields came to the ring first.  His opponent was “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine who was accompanied by Noj.  Basic moves were exchanged early in the match.  Fontaine took over with a monkey flip.  Shields kicked the ropes when Fontaine went for a Lionsault.  Shields hit a suplex and chops.  Fontaine executed a bicycle kick and then a flapjack.  Shields went for a superplex but was thrown off and Fontaine hit a missile drop kick.  Shield’s tried to hit Fontaine with Noj’s bone but Fontaine ducked, hit a thrust kick and then a Lionsault for the win.

Analysis: A solid match that will keep Shields on the lower rung in the PWO.  I’d like to see new guys win more when they first arrive, but someone has to lose.

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Batista Injured, Will Miss Road Ass.

Yes Way Dave.

Yes Way Dave.

 

This comes straight out of the “This had to happen sooner or later” file, ProWrestling.net, is reporting that WWE Star Batista has a hamstring tear and will be out through WrestleMania next year. This comes as an absolute surprise since big Dave has avoided injury for nearly three months after constantly tearing his triceps. His absence will be felt big time by the countless pieces of ass he allegedly tears up on the road and behind the scenes. So the road is now safe ladies as Dave and his monstrous appetite for pussy will be shelved until at least June. So whip those battered beef smiles back in shape as the hunter will be on the prowl before you know it.  -Jeremy

Sorry Fellas She’s Taken

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That’s right gang, according to Michael Johnson over at PWInsider.com, Traci Brooks is now an engaged woman. She and current TNA Superstar Frankie Kazarian are taking the plunge and we here at Stunt Granny could not be happier. Traci brooks is one of my favorite womens wrestlers on the planet and the reason is simple; look at those huge boobs. Seriously, they are magnificent and it makes me sad another man, yet again, will be all over them.

On a brighter note, at least Traci won’t give up as soon as she is married and get the “wifey” short style haircut a week after the honeymoon. It also means she won’t lose the implants since she has roped in some dope to pay the bills and buy her anything she wants. Well, maybe the second half may not pan out. They do work for TNA after all. Also, as a word to Mr. Kazrian; if your matches start getting longer but your push remains the same, that smell of penis on your woman’s nether region is not normal.

So let’s send out a hearty congratulation to the happy couple and hope for some break up nude shots in its wake. -Jeremy

Ron Killings detained at Canadian border, can’t rap

Nah, its cool! BABY, TELL EM WERE COOL! AMERICAAAAA!

"Nah, it's cool! BABY, TELL 'EM WE'RE COOL! AMERICAAAAA!"

Oh, that “can’t rap” part has nothing to do with this story. He’s just a poor excuse for a rapper. Anyway, according to Michael H.W. Johnson of PWInsider.com (by way of Prowrestling.net), Ron Killings was detained at the Canadian border for yet-to-be-disclosed reasons and won’t make the TV tapings tonight. I’m not going to speculate what those reasons were, because I don’t care. I’m just pissed that those rotten Canucks ripped me off from the chance to see Ron Killings wrestle. You sons of bitches! Now how will I get my “completely unnecessary spins/flips/dancin'” fix this week? Oh yeah, I’ll just give some meth to a stripper. -Eric

WWE Finds Replacement For myNetworkTV

These are supposed to be WWE superstars or so it said.

These are supposed to be WWE superstars or so it said.

Our old friends at PWTorch.com had a breaking news story about WWE and WGN striking a deal to broadcast a new show starting in 2009 a few days ago. Why are we just now getting to it? Well, we are all insanely busy and popular and don’t have to answer questions like tat so, screw.

WWE, who is still on a nostalgia kick, has named the show “Superstars” in the thin attempt to market their lackluster roster as such. Let’s be honest though; this new show is nothing more than tryout period for WWE on WGN. If it goes well they will pull Smackdown in a heart beat as their current network sinks faster than a Russian sub in the Barents Sea.

The move to myNetwork TV was such a bad idea that the fledgling network’s only highly rated show is Smackdown. It has no other marketable shows and no sports coverage to speak of. It gets no penetration in some major markets and when it does no one knows where to find it. It was a ridiculously bad move to change a highly rated program on a failing network for another network with a horrible name but then it is WWE and their decision making over the last, oh, four years has been suspect.

Seriously, they moved to a network that plays a C.O.P.S. rip-off and glorifies “movie of the week” broadcasts. This wouldn’t be so bad if the movie of the week was an actual Hollywood movie and not a piece of shit made on a camcorder with the locals and then digitally enhanced to make it look real like it was filmed on film.  Trust me,I would know. -Jeremy

How to build a wrestling ring… I dare you to try this at home

Don’t ask me how or why I came across this video. (I mostly don’t want you to ask me because I’m super drunk right now and I don’t remember. In fact, I’ve had to type this sentence four times to get it right.) It is embarrassingly bad in pretty much every way you can imagine. The video is hilariously awful, and the ring is cringe-inducingly side-splitting. And as usual, the comments are gems; I mean it, click on “view all ## comments” and read what these fools are saying to each other. These guys are really, genuinely proud of this abortion they call a wrestling ring. Hey, if I can sell plasma to buy my groceries, you guys can sell more pictures of your sister’s boobs to your friends and get a real ring from Highspots. Ooh, is your sister 18 yet? -Eric

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