JBL should not be his own energy drink’s spokesman

John Bradshaw Layfield recently became the Billy Mays of the pro wrestling/2 oz. energy boost world by filming this hack-ass, public-access-looking commercial for his new product, Energy Plus. One shot of this stuff and you’ll have huge man-tits and be raping men in a shower with a shampoo bottle in no time! Easily the two best parts of this piece of junk commercial are (1) JBL giving some chubby Afa the Wild Samoan student the patented fallaway slam followed by JBL sitting on the mat like a baby that just shit its diaper, and then (2) Bradshaw admitting his fat, dad-sweater-wearing ass ballooned up to 330 pounds until he started doing barbell curls with a haircut that would get him kicked out of a World of Warcraft LAN party. What a fucking toolshed. As if Joey Styles wasn’t already my hero, this sealed it. As I was watching this, my friend non-wrestling-watching friend Most caught it over my shoulder and had this to say: “Hi, this is John Something, and I’m a big douche. A big ol’ doucher. Do you like douches? Well you’re lookin’ at one.” Truer words = never spoken. -Eric

P.S. Don’t skip the audio below this post! Special guest!!

4 Responses

  1. Wait, you have a friend named Most? Elaboration is a must.

    • Well, in college he drank the most beer, something the most something else (can’t get the guy in trouble here; think spaghetti jacket), and beat the most puss. He is rad as shit.

  2. He’s a hot mess!!!!! He shouldn’t be a spokesman of anything. LOL 🙂 I have used energy drinks for years. I used to drink nothing but sugar free red bull, but I stumbled on a much healthier and cheaper version. Energyfizz, this is The Healthy Red Bull. You’ll never drink coffee again, and have all day energy. A combo energy drink and vitamin supplement, the healthiest energy drink on the market. 41,667 RDA of B12 per serving. That is a b12 shot the athletes get” Watch this free video now at http://www.vitalenergytoday.com Purchase some today this will help you balance your hectic schedule.

  3. And you can have dangerous illegal sex with many beautiful women, and snort as much coke as Jake Roberts on a bad day!

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