Kevin Thorn released. One Person Noticed.

kevin-thorn

Apparently WWE has released Kevin Thorn but hasn’t told anyone else yet but Kevin Thorn. James Caldwell, over at PWTorch.com (Our old stomping grounds), Apparently Kevin posted on his WWEUniverse blog in short order and sentences that he was gone from WWE. After seeing that he posted this private info on their corporate run blog WWE yanked it and he was gone from WWE.com and all related WWE places and sites This is no Matt Hardy style situation but it is indicative of the poor judgment that Kevin has shown in his career. I call him Kevin because I choose to know so little about him.

Anyway, this is the same guy that wrestled in a baseball hat and pissed Jim Cornette off to no end. He was also the guy that played the short-lived but much hyped Mordecai that was supposed to feud with the Undertaker but instead, lost to Rey Mysterio right out of the gate. No matter what he did he never got off on the right foot with WWE.

He was also lucky enough to attach himself to Shelly Martinez’s awesome tits with their vampire gimmick. If you think about it that entire gimmick was based off of her chest and what a great gimmick I was indeed. Unfortunately he never got out of the shadows of those precious, precious mams and he faded back to Deep South or Florida Championship wrestling for more seasoning until he secretively got releases. We can all expect a Facebook or MySpace blog in the near future detailing just what happened but without Shelly’s gams attached no one will be paying attention, probably. -Jeremy

Low-Ki Signs With WWE. Kicks Makeup Lady In Chest.

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According to ProWrestling.net, Low-Ki has signed with WWE. This comes right before all of the current layoffs. It is a good hire for the company if they were pushing 6-foot guys with bad attitudes and a tendency to hurt their opponent in the ring. Sorry, got off on the wrong foot there.

Low-Ki has all the tools to become something special. He has a unique look, he talks like a ridiculously over the top Mortal Kombat character and he looks like a legit badass. Unfortunately for him, no one is going to tolerate his work style. He will instantly become part of the WWE machine that poops out clay forms molded in to 3 part matches with no drama and little crowd support. So, good luck Low-Ki. We here at Stunt Granny are pulling for you but don’t have a lot of hope we’ll see you on anything but four squash matches on Smackdown. When we actually watch Smackdown. -Jeremy

WWE Drops Bomb On Independent Contractors

 

bombers_b52_0008Friday, WWE continued their layoffs and they finally got around to thinning out the roster of dead weight. Since it is clearly the economy and not the fact they present a piss poor product currently all of these wrestlers were released from their employment status effective immediately. The list has no real surprises unless you are a huge fan of jobbers, never would be’s and washed up place holders.

D-Lo Brown- When WWE brought back D-Lo Kevin and I were genuinely happy He has been a long time favorite and we clearly thought he was never given his just due. Then they had him wrestle on Raw and the crickets were riding tumbleweeds as he played to the crowd. After that he never recovered. Creative quickly lost faith in him and the writing was on the wall n faded ink. He made a few more appearances and if memory serves, he went out a winner in his last raw match. If he didn’t, well, who gives a shit he is no longer with WWE. On a bright note, it is tax season so he should be lining up potential customers and clients as you read this.

Bam Neely- Whoever hired Bam Neely should be fired along with Bam. It has nothing to do with Bam’s talent level but everything to do with his look. He never fit in with WWE and that fact should have been made clear before they hired him. He was decent in the ring but he was clearly hired to fit a big man role on a roster of big men who made him look tiny. The fact that he looked like Amish Roadkill didn’t help his cause at all, especially since the latter was not part of  the roster, thus, eliminating the potential tag team possibility.

Val Venis- Everyone remembers Val as the porn guy who said “Hello Ladies.” I remember him as the backstage guy who always talked politics and his far right ramblings. Of the people on the list he had the most tenure but if you aren’t on TV at all does it even matter. WWE has shown that backstage personnel are expendable so how he kept a job this long is a testament to something. What? I am not sure but I am pretty sure there is a testament involved. Pretty sure it isn’t a New or Old Testament but it is a testament of something like sausage or tubesteak. See, I wrapped it all up by going back to porn jokes. Score one for me. -Jeremy

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