Speaking of shitty movies: Kurt Angle in “End Game”

This is Dusty's future if Charter Communications keeps fucking with him.

This is Dusty's future if Charter Communications keeps fucking with him.

(CLICK HERE — http://www.northshore-pictures.com/video/EndGame_Trailer/EndGame_Trailer.html — FOR TRAILER)

Just as John Cena’s movie “12 Rounds” is wallowing in its own filth, Robert Miqueli unsheaths this piece of artistic embarrassment for us. Yep, Kurt Angle, your Olympic hero, is now a Hollywood star. If by “Hollywood” I mean “a few crew members’ houses and an office set featuring a Gateway computer from 1998.” That’s right, it’s “End Game,” the film that stars Angle as a serial something or other (murderer? rapist? pill-popper? oh, that’s real life) who cons his way into various homes as a birthday clown. Now, don’t get any ideas, Lenny Lane, because I’m sure that gruff police chief is gonna hunt Angle down despite a few miscues, outsmarts and red herrings. The cinematography in this piece of shit is bottom-notch as well, with less motion than that dead hooker I fucked last weekend. Well, come on, let’s be honest here; if I’m gonna make fun of Angle, I might as well make fun of myself. And given the rumors circulating about Karen Angle’s love life, Kurt has been fucking a dead hooker for years!

Back to the point at hand, this movie looks terrible, has terrible acting, the camera shots are amateur, and the story is pretty much every single other contemporary murder-mystery, except the producers scored a real coup landing Kurt “Just Call Me Brando” Angle. One of the actresses plays a stripper, so we might get to see some tits. Otherwise, this is a drunk-movie-watching-night-only rental.

Please stay tuned for a little background on North Shore Pictures, because I figured something was fishy here:

Bruce and Bryan Koehler grew up in the Pittsburgh area both attended Clarion University of Pennsylvania for Broadcast Communications and Speech Communication and Theater…. (Editor’s note: That’s where Angle went to college.)

Producer Dave Hawk is a former body building champion holding the prestigious titles of both “Mr. USA” and “Mr. World”. As manager/agent for Olympic Gold Metalist, world Wrestling Entertainment, and TNA Champion Kurt Angle, Dave has over twenty years experience in the sports entertainment, managemant, and media relations industry.

And no, I did not proofread nor edit that. It’s straight from their Web site. “Metalist”? Christ. If Kurt Angle is the brains of this operation, I’ll eat my hat. -Eric

3 Responses

  1. This is awful, if it were one day later I’d be convinced it was an April Fool’s joke. I think you could make a case that both Kurt Angle and Jenna Morasca are over-qualified. It’s sad when you watch a movie trailer and realize that the production values aren’t quite good enough for the film to air late night on Cinemax.

  2. So TNA has decided to corner the market on shitty movies from WWE. What’s next, ” the Passion of Jeff Jarrett”?

  3. And speaking of shitty, you guys need to check out on youtube the Wrestlicious promo videos. It’s GLOW reborn. So campy and bad, but got enough hot chicks to distract you.

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