TNA makes some creative changes; still sucks.

Ha ha, go fuck yourself Dutch.

Ha ha, go fuck yourself Dutch.

According to Prowrestling.net and various other people TNA has fixed all of their problems and fired Dutch Mantell and Savio Vega. Incredibly enough Savio did have a job with TNA even if no one knew a thing about it. It is just good to see Dixie Carter putting her pump down and making these radical changes. Dutch though should have been retained and given full control of the Knockouts division and once he was finished should have been removed from the building immediately. Now if our daring damsel Dixie would just make the inevitable cuts of Jeffy and Vinny all would be well. Let the inmates run the asylum, pun, and see what happens. Can it be worse than what they produce currently on a week to week basis? Hell, give the book to a llama, a yak and Chester Cheetah for as much as it matters right now.

All joking aside, this is a step in the right direction. TNA sucks, the fans know it and finally it appears Dixie knows it or has at least been told so. Hopefully the moves aren’t too late and they can turn it around. Next up, let’s have her start with a roster makeover as well. -J

The Brian Kendrick The latest WWE release

"It means 'The Bart, The'."

In a surprise to no one (since I suggested this was gonna happen on a recent audio), WWE announced on its Web site the release of The Brian Kendrick. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been checking the “WWE NEWS” tab on WWE.com pretty diligently since Kendrick jobbed to Jerry “The King” Lawler two weeks ago, but it still sucked to read this news. Hey, Brian, get ahold of Gabe Sapolsky and see if he can use you on Sunday, Sept. 6, on the Dragon Gate show. I’d much rather watch you wrestle for 20 minutes on Sunday than job to Hornswoggle in 30 seconds on Monday. -Eric

The Art of Wrestling – Just Say Punk

Stunt Granny is hoping CM Punk didn't steal their sippy time beer.

Stunt Granny is hoping CM Punk didn't steal their sippy time beer.

It’s been too long since trotting out one of these articles but playing catch up on Pro Wrestling Ohio has been fun and allowed the WWE to come out with some new products since I was pretty current when I covered Edge’s shirt. I haven’t bothered to see if those slugs from TNA came up with something new. No one has been on a roll more than CM Punk in my book even if he lost to Jeff “Please sign a new contract, pretty please with a cherry on top, you’re our biggest cash cow” Hardy. For some reason, he didn’t wear his new shirt on last week’s Smackdown but it made it’s debut two weeks ago. I didn’t cover an earlier shirt, but they’re pretty similar.

The shirt is faded black with a brownish yellow graphics. On the front, is “cm punk” in faded gothic lettering. Considering that his stomach tattoo is gothic letter, it’s a good choice. There are faded lightning bolts are under the lettering and blacked out where they intersect with them. I’m not exactly sure why they brought in lightning bolts though because I can’t spot them in his tattoos and they don’t hold any significance for the straight edge community. Above the lettering it the four 5 pointed stars which strikes me as bad since his tights have four 6 pointed stars (Go to this link and go to the third picture). That problem can be easily changed so it’s an unexusable mistake.

On the back is something that is near and dear to the straight edge community which is the two fists with Xs on them. They originated in 1980 when the Teen Idles were going to perform in San Francisco but were almost booted from the club because they were under the drinking age. Management put Xs on their hands so that no one would serve them alcohol so they adopted it as a symbol. The Xs were later brought to more prominence by one of the all time great punk bands, Minor Threat.  The history lesson was needed because it makes sense why Punk uses the symbol for himself and helps to emphasize his recent stance against Jeff Hardy. The design is in the same faded brownish yellow graphics.

I usually preach about how simple is good but it can also go bad and this shirt is bad. They screwed up the stars, added lightning bolts for no reason and made the graphics an awful color. Unfortunately, I’m going to just say No to Punk’s shirt. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #51

Stylin.

Stylin'.

Eric and Kevin return to discuss the goings-on in the past couple of days in wrestling. Shaquille O’Neal helped spike Raw’s rating on Monday; will WWE or Shaq capitalize on the increased audience? And if so, who is best to put in a program with O’Neal? Will Sheamus get a tan? Will Chavo Guerrero, Shelton Benjamin or The Brian Kendrick ever get out of the doghouse? And what will TNA do with Elijah Burke now that they have their hands on Da Black Pope? Click and listen, silly!

Stunt Granny Audio #51

SG Clusterf***: WWE ratings up, Maryse down, Pope signed

Sweet christ.

Sweet christ.

(All of these tidbits are courtesy Prowrestling.net; click the Roman numeral for the original story.)

I. Shaquille O’Neal sure helped Raw’s ratings this week: Raw did a 4.0, up from last week’s 3.5 (with ZZ Fucking Top as the guest hosts). Gee, bring on ZZ Top and hover around the usual number, or bring in someone relevant and pop a big rating. Well, big for 2009. Let’s see if WWE is smart enough to capitalize on this (and if Shaq is smart enough to cash in on this) and get Shaq to wrestle a tag match at Summerslam.

II. ECW did a 1.3 this week in the ratings, similar to TNA’s numbers lately and slightly up from what TNA used to do when Christian was on top there. This confirms one thing: 1.6 million people love Christian.

III. Maryse underwent knee surgery today under the watchful eye of Dr. James Andrews. I wonder if she looks as good lying down. Well, duh.

IV. In a surprise to no one, Elijah Burke has signed with TNA. Da Black Pope tweeted this the other day:

Just went to TheElijahExpress.com to see what all the fuss was about? Everything looks ok to me (I hope my Admin didn’t jump the gun)~ PHS

Yes, your Admin did jump the gun, when he/she posted the TNA logo on your Web site. You’re the Pope, kill him. -Eric

TMZ posts video of Triple H’s post-Raw birthday suaree

(From left) Vince McMahon, Big Show, Triple H and Batista prove the old adage, you can't have a birthday cake in wrestling without it going into someone's face.

(From left) Vince McMahon, Big Show, Triple H and Batista prove the old adage, you can't have a birthday cake in wrestling without it going into someone's face.

Thanks to a post on Prowrestling.net, we who prefer What Would Tyler Durden Do to TMZ.com were linked to video of Triple H being wished a happy (*cough*40th*cough*) birthday by most of the roster, including Vince McMahon and Batista, after Raw went off the air last night. Rumor has it Tommy Dreamer brought a fork and ate all the cake off the mat once the arena was empty. What a perk! -Eric

PWO – Season 2 – Episode 20

The Cuyahoga burning could have been used in two promos.

The Cuyahoga burning could have been used in two promos.

Marshall Gambino, with brother Mickey and agent Aaron Maguire, came to the ring for his match against “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine. Joe Dombrowski and Michael Cash noted that Fontaine should have brougth back up. Cash got booted from color by Sex Appeal, Bobby Shields, Dawn Decadence and Bobby Beverly. They said they should be getting Fontaine’s TV time because they work on their bodies. Marshall got winded doing a criss cross which allowed Fontaine to hit a second rope missile drop kick. Fontaine got in a couple of shots and Marshall slid outside. Fontaine hit a suicide dive on all three. Fontaine tried to whip Marshall into a corner but got reversed. Marshall gave Fontaine a belly to belly suplex. Marshall tossed “The Megastar” outside, distracted the referee and Mickey attacked him. Marshall missed a top rope splash. Fontaine gave a thrust kick, bulldog and second rope moonsault. Marshall hit a side slam and gave him a spinning rock bottom for the win.

Analysis: The match was barely talked about which always irritates me. The talking points were fine and helped fill in the background on “The Obsession” Caleb Connelly. Fontaine got in way too much offense. Marshall is a big guy but after seeing him in other matches, he shouldn’t have been acting winded after the criss cross.

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