Stunt Granny Decade-End Awards: Dusty’s Picks

This picture is lying to you. Find out who the real winners are by reading below.

The older I get, the more I question why I still hang around with wrestling. Wrestling is the old friend who betrays your trust time and time again, but you keep forgiving him because of all the great times you had together 20 years ago. You keep giving him more and more chances, and he keeps letting you down. This was a snoozer decade at best for our old friend, but I’ll try to find the cream of the crap anyway, or else I wouldn’t have a column.

BEST WRESTLER

Shawn Michaels: I like the Shawn Michaels of the 2000s almost as much as I dislike the Shawn Michaels of the 1990s. After a five year sabbatical, Michaels came back and basically reinvented the wheel. No longer would he be the Mexican jumping bean doing highspots with no discernible psychology, being a bad influence for a decade’s worth of indy wrestlers (1990s Shawn Michaels is to wrestling what Led Zeppelin is to music). He now works smart *and* hard, and has provided us with a full palate of memorable and exciting matches and storylines. I would spend many a minute arguing that this Shawn Michaels is the best wrestler ever, no matter what the decade.

Runners-up: Kurt Angle (A sad case if ever there was one, a guy who couldn’t keep his shit together outside the ring, and who couldn’t turn the corner inside the ring to take his work to the next level. As it stands however, he’s still head and shoulders above most everybody else from the decade, and was TNA’s biggest squandered opportunity.) John Cena (The best wrestlers draw the most money, so whether you like him or you hate him, the Marine belongs on this list. He is probably the most identifiable wrestler of the past decade for the casual or non-fan. That means something.)

BEST TAG TEAM

MNM: The ascension of MNM is sort of like the Stone Roses at their heyday. For a very brief period of time, they were the absolute best, and if you weren’t around to witness it, you probably wouldn’t believe it. They were fresh, they were new, they were hip, they were young, they were beautiful, they could talk, they could work, Melina was hot, and they put the world on its ear. And just as quickly as it happened, it ended. You just had to be there, man.

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Best of 2009- Jeremy Edition

Best Promotion:

WWE. This wasn’t nearly as easy to choose as I first thought. Monday Night raw is a diarrhea diaper. ECW is akin to your parents in the nursing home. You go see them only because you feel obligated. Then there is Smackdown; the best wrestling show in the world. So 1.5 out of 3 isn’t so bad. Not like TNA’s zero batting average for their product.

Runners up:

ROH: Cary Silkin correctly booted Gabe Sapolsky and eventually brought in Jim Cornette to “hang around: In the meantime the promotion lost talent left and right but it is still a good promotion. It found its legs after a few months of being lost but nowhere near the train wreck that comes in third.

TNA: By default they are third. I can’t consider Lucha Libre since I don’t understand Spanish and that shit looks choreographed beyond belief.

Best Injury:

Mickie James’ implant busting. Now, Mickie James is at the top of my list of women’s wrestlers I would sleep with despite the fact they may have an incurable STD. I love this injury because it gives me spank material thinking about how she would need to massage her breasts to soften up the new implant. Even if that isn’t how it works its real to me. Excuse me, be back in 3 minutes. Oh and this story may not even be true but I don’t care.

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