PWO – Season 3 – Episode 20

Who could form the Karate Kontingent? I'm cool. I spelled contingent with a K.

Doctor Monstrous warned the evil doers of Pro Wrestling Ohio to beware because she debuts soon.  Joe Dombrowski then asked for Portia to come to a photo shot. Doctor Monstrous mumbled that she wasn’t Portia. Analysis: This was the same segment as last week except they changed the time of when she’s debuting. What crap. Score: -1.
 
N8 Mattson came to the ring with Benjamin Boone & Ben Fruth for a match in the semifinals of the number one contendership. Mattson told the crowd that Ben was officially a member of The Sons of Michigan. Mattson made him take off his “Where is Mike Tolar?” shirt for a Michigan shirt.  Jason Bane was Mattson’s opponent. Maguire announced that he was raising the bounty on Jason Bane to $50,000.  Bane used his size advantage to knock Mattson out of the ring a couple of times. Dombrowski mentioned that the Sons of Michigan hope to be the finalists for the contendership. Bane chopped Mattson hard. Bane hit some basic offense including a side suplex. Mattson turned it around with a poke to the eyes.  Mattson got blocked and reversed on a suplex. Bane took a swing at Boone on the apron which lead to him being cop blocked. Mattson began working over the leg with elbows and punches. Dombrowski said they have an interview with Johnny Gargano asking him about his possible role in the ambush attacks.  Mattson was still working over Bane’s leg. Boone interfered while the referee was distracted by Mattson. A figure four was applied by Mattson. Bane reversed it by pushing off the mat.  Bane gave Mattson some heavy shots.  The official got hit when Bane went for the F5.  Bane spine bustered Mattson. Boone jumped on the ring apron and got punched.  Bane went for the “Baneline” but was hit in the back with the TV Title by Boone. Mattson hit the Code Breaker for the victory. He slid out of the ring exhausted and beat up. Maguire and his bodyguard Mr Brinks went down to ringside to taunt Bane when the camera abruptly cut back stage.

The Matt Hardy Confessional

I have a confession: I love, love, Matt Hardy’s videos on Youtube. I actually subscribe to his Youtube channel. It’s not that they are any good, quite the opposite actually. They are low brow, low budget and embarrassing for the viewer as well as its creator. Of course, Matt Hardy is delusional and probably believes these are the greatest vessels to get himself over so I am only half right.

What’s worse is that I routinely catch these new videos at work. So I have coworkers, who do not know me from the next guy repeatedly walking by as I watch videos of some fat redneck pretending to be a wrestler.  I can’t muster the energy to explain that he is an actual wrestler. It is easier to take my lumps and solidify my already poor standing in the company.

Matt Hardy’s videos are proof that retards are not photogenic. It does help that he is delusional and believes these are actually effective in getting himself over. The real victim in most of the recent video posts is poor Drew McIntyre. The guy didn’t ask to be in an angle with a developmentally challenged fat kid and now he is saddled being the invisible source of his tard rage. Drew McIntyre may be a charisma less vacant vessel of a wrestler but he doesn’t deserve this.

It’s like being an only child for five years, then your parents accidentally squeeze out a mongoloid; now you’re left holding the bag the rest of your life, but you didn’t ask for the retarded brother!

“Look I can watch myself toot on the bzzzz box.” (Licks television)

Ok, so maybe it isn’t that bad but still. These are the funniest one to six minutes you can spend on Youtube. In an effort of good faith I am posting my five favorite links. Number one is my very favorite, hence the number one, but it embodies everything that is wrong and gross about Matt Hardy.

So enjoy the top five and make sure and subscribe to MATTHARDYBRAND. You will derive hours of enjoyment. -Jeremy


#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

Stunt Granny Audio #104

Too many dicks on the audio!

Stunt Granny Audio proper is back with Kevin and Jeremy bringing the opinions. Join the guys this week as the yet again talk about the new season of NXT. Who looked good; who looked bad and who just doesn’t matter (Hint: He’s the tallest guy on the roster.) They also discuss the ongoing NXT angle and how it played off once they apologized then beat down Vince McMahon. They also go giddy when discussing Evan Bourne and his mini-feud with Chris Jericho. Plus, as a bonus they still refuse to talk about TNA and instead give a quick rundown of the “Too much Kane for anyone to stomach” Smackdown. So join in the fun and listen. We recorded it so you owe us that much. Well, at least download it to make us feel like you care.

Stunt Granny Audio #104

WWE partners with YouTube to show full-length programs

kermit the frog

Kermit isn't watching "Two Girls, One Cup," he's watching ECW!

(PROGRAMMING NOTE: Don’t miss out on our three-part King of the Ring retrospective audio series! We’ll re-post it in a little bit to bump it up to the top, but since we have the chance to scoop other sites with some real news, we had to post this now.)

According to Advertising Age, WWE has agreed to provide four of its TV shows (one of which doesn’t actually exist anymore) in their entirety to YouTube. Good, my old-ass browser at work won’t play stuff on Hulu. The article states that WWE “will make a handful of its popular pro wrestling shows (“Friday Night SmackDown,” “WWE NXT,” “WWE Superstars” and “ECW”) available for streaming to U.S. users.” WWE will also sprinkle YouTube with more clips from old Monday Night Raws and, if my finger-crossing works, Coliseum Home Videos. Kamala bowling~!

“Wrestling is enormously popular on YouTube,” said Chris Dale, a spokesman for [YouTube]. “A large demographic of our community loves to watch these videos, and both [YouTube and WWE] saw the opportunity to provide that community with content that would really resonate with them.”

Oh, I was joking a second ago; I don’t watch any wrestling videos on YouTube during work at all, so this is in no way a huge deal to me. This does kind of beg the question as to whether or not WWE will sound the alarm even louder anytime a YouTube user posts copyrighted material, but,

Mr. Dale said protecting and controlling content is something any content producer can do with YouTube’s Content ID system, even without a premium partnership.”Regardless of whether the WWE was putting full-length episodes on its channel, it would always have the option to use Content ID to block, monetize or track the engagement of its content,” he said.

Good, maybe they won’t take down the “Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior” DVD that gets me through my day. Anyway, now I can watch Smackdown guilt-free and fast-forward heavy. And not at work, I swear. -Eric

SG Audio: WWF King of the Ring Retrospective

king of the ring

King of the Ring was ichiban!

It’s June, and a few years ago, that meant it was the time of year for WWF’s King of the Ring spectacular. These days it’s just time for the Fatal Four-Way… or Badd Blood… or whatever. Dusty and Eric are joined by Dan, aka zourah, aka Stunt Granny’s nostalgia expert, for a journey down the royal path of the King of the Ring, from its humble beginnings in 1985 as a house show gimmick, to 1993 and its debut on pay-per-view, to its return on free TV in 2006 and 2008. The guys share some good anecdotes, including Jerry Lawler’s lawsuit over the “king” moniker and stories behind Harley Race’s connections to St. Louis during his reign. They question some decisions (and even agree with others) made during the PPV years, and debate the possibility of success should the tournament-based format ever return to pay-per-view. (Three parts, approx. 45 minutes each, all well worth it!)

King of the Ring Retrospective: House shows to 1993

King of the Ring Retrospective: 1994 to 1999

King of the Ring Retrospective: The remaining years

Video: What happened after WWE Monday Night Raw went off the air

Check this out: After WWE Monday Night Raw went off the air last night, a fan captured footage of Vince McMahon being carried out of the ring on a stretcher, the NXT rookies attacking John Cena again, and Randy Orton and more Raw wrestlers banding together to even the odds. Quick, watch this before it gets taken down! -Eric

People for the Eating of Tasty Animals sides with Daniel Bryan

peta cow dog

Is this ethical?

I saw this on some hack site yesterday and thought nothing of it until I saw it on the Torch and Dot Net, sooo… according to Prowrestling.net and PWTorch.com, PETA director Dan Shannon reached out to WWE and Vince McMahon to get animal-friendly free agent Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson) back on the WWE roster.

I might not personally carry the same clout as other Bryan supporters like John Cena or Shawn Michaels (although I do consider myself “The Showstopper of PETA”), but I am, along with many of my colleagues, a huge Daniel Bryan fan, not only because he humiliated The Miz and Michael Cole a few weeks back on Raw but also because he’s vegan.

Shannon also suggested “there could even be a storyline romance between Bryan and the gorgeous vegan Tiffany!” Well, that’s the last we’ve seen of Tiffany.

OK, how do I put this nicely…….. you see, PETA is full of fags. They take themselves way the fuck too seriously, going so far recently as suggesting Punxsutawney Phil, the famed groundhog upon whom we lay blame for six more weeks of snow every Feb. 2, be replaced with a robotic groundhog because Phil is being abused every year. You know what? Fuck you. I do my part: I don’t kick stray dogs, I cry during “Animal Cops: Houston,” and I stopped tearing the wings off of bugs months ago. I love all living beings, but I do it during my real-life time, not my escapism. I don’t need you interfering in my enjoyment of pro wrestling. If and when Bryan Danielson comes back to WWE, it’s not going to be because of you queers, or because he took a reusable bag back to the co-op grocery store, or because he planted a tree while John Denver music played in the background. It’ll be because he’s the best in the world. (And so is a nice, juicy rib-eye.) -Eric

Batista to either be torn apart, make tomato sauce with Strikeforce (VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!)

batista asthma

In case of smoke, asthmatics should get as low as possible.

Well, it’s official(ly stupid): According to Prowrestling.net, Batista will fight for MMA company Strikeforce. Yes, the 41-year-old, very brittle, very water-logged former WWE Champion.

The TMZ cameras caught up with Batista over the weekend and he said he is finished with WWE, and intends to fight for the MMA promotion. “I’m done with WWE,” he said.

When asked if he will be fighting for UFC, Batista responded, “Strikeforce.” When asked who he will fight, Batista said, “I know, but I’m not telling you.”

Well fine, I’m not telling you who I think will win this match. I’ll give you a hint, though: It’s not the guy who tears muscles, tendons and ligaments on a morning-ly basis, who gets winded making his way toward the ring and who’s only six months younger than my brother, to whom my mom gave birth while she was in high school. (I swear that, 12 years later, I wasn’t an accident.) Strikeforce would be smart to put Batista’s first match, ideally against a tomato can, on free TV, because any wrestling fan with a brain in his head knows Batista’s 16-second fight won’t be worth any PPV price tag, and they certainly wouldn’t subscribe to Showtime for the “privilege” of seeing Old Balls fall apart in the hexagon. On a positive note, maybe he’ll get to bang Gina Carano. -Eric

gina carano

And more power to him if he does.

OMG U’D BETER FUKING REED THIS UPDATE: According to Prowrestling.net, Batista has NOT signed with Strikeforce. In other news, I didn’t have oatmeal for breakfast. -Eric

Eric’s Blog: Angles that were better than WWE NXT/Raw invasion

john cena

"God damn, can't I do *anything* right?"

If you’re a PWTorch.com audio listener, you know that Wade Keller’s soapbox has been sold out for days, and for a pretty good reason: the Pro Wrestling Torch editor is up in arms because John “Preacherman” Cena proclaimed in an interview with Sports Illustrated that the NXT invasion of WWE Monday Night Raw two weeks ago was the fourth greatest angle in wrestling history. In fact, Cena listed Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III as the best (not an angle itself, just a match), Hogan vs. The Rock at WrestleMania X-8 (also just a match, and the lead-up to it, including Hogan talking to a cardboard Rock cut-out and ramming an ambulance with a Hummer or something, was awful), Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WM25 and WM26, and the formation of the Four Horsemen (assuming he means Arn Anderson making one lucky comment during a group interview).

The ludicrousness here is obvious, not just of including a two-week-old angle (featuring Cena himself) in a small, elite list of all-time wrestling angles, but of playing WWE butt-kisser by listing four cookie-cutter corporate answers (I know Hogan is with TNA these days, but these are still WWE moments that Vince McMahon probably dreams about while rolling naked on top of his money). Somehow, I was able to list about five dozen better angles right off the top of my head, and Dusty added a few to the pile. Do me a favor: Check out these angles and leave a comment on this post a) correcting any of my inaccuracies, b) ranking the real top five angles, and c) tacking on some of your own. Here we go:

NWO forms (Scott Hall appears on WCW Monday Nitro, followed by Kevin Nash; Hulk Hogan joins at Bash at the Beach 1996)

Freebirds turn on Kerry Von Erich (Dec. 25, 1982, Terry Gordy slams Kerry Von Erich’s head in cage door during Von Erich vs. Ric Flair NWA World Title match with Michael Hayes as special referee)

Bruno Sammartino bodyslammed on arena floor by Stan Hansen (April 26, 1976), legit injury turned into angle with rematch (June 25, 1976, same card as Ali vs. Inoki)

Larry Zbyszko turns on Bruno Sammartino (Jan. 22, 1980), draws huge crowd to Shea Stadium (Aug. 9, 1980)

Steve Austin confronts Mike Tyson (Jan. 1998, night after Royal Rumble)

Hulk Hogan returns to WWF, wins WWF Title from Iron Sheik (Dec. 1983-Jan. 1984)

Three-match series with Dusty Rhodes vs. Superstar Billy Graham (1977)

Roddy Piper shoves Cyndi Lauper, leads to WrestleMania (1984)

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Eric’s Blog: Where are Bryan Danielson’s better marquee matches?

bryan danielson

"Are you still talking about ME?"

In a recent PWTorch Livecast, Wade Keller and Jason Powell discussed Bryan Danielson (of course, we all are) and the possibility of him landing in TNA. A caller asked what it would take for Danielson to jump ship (even though he’s not really on a ship right now), and although Keller has said numerous times that Danielson is not interested in working for TNA, he and Powell did mention the names of some current TNA wrestlers with whom Danielson could work. Upon suggesting “Joe, AJ, Angle, even Nigel,” my brain started churning: How good would those matches be? Some of those matches have been done and done again in Ring of Honor, but TNA would give them a greater national platform. And what matchups await Danielson in WWE that would make me part with my money, if any?

Well, let’s run through some possibilities:

TNA main-eventers: Rob Van Dam (I almost worry there would be a clash of styles here, and I don’t know which one would have to adapt his approach to work well with the other), Kurt Angle (oh my god, these two would put on a wrestling clinic; it would be like revisiting the Angle vs. Benoit matches of WWE 2001-2003), Jeff Hardy (Danielson would need to go into this match as a strong heel, which is fine, but Hardy is so sloppy and flip-floppy that their styles could clash as well; their match would almost have to be character-driven, with good wrestling a happy accident/by-product), AJ Styles (I like this match, although I’m continuing to tire of Styles atop TNA).

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