Wrestlelution 3: A Defining Moment Preview

I wish I-71 was this exciting to drive on.

Since I’m going to Cleveland for Wrestlelution 3: A Defining Moment, I figured I’d do a preview since I blew threw the matches in my reviews. I’m going to review them in the order that they are listed on their Myspace page. (I couldn’t find it on their Facebook page and their main website is having issues according to their Facebook page)

“Doctor Monstrous” aka Portia Perez vs. Ben Fruth – This match better not be the curtain jerker because it won’t get the crowd revved up. It will make a nice breather match at some point on the card. Portia is a good wrestler who I wish would have a quality women’s match but that’s not to be. She may be able to teach Ben Fruth a thing or two in the ring. They also are about the same size (I think and I’m too lazy to look up their stats right now) so it shouldn’t be too lop sided. I don’t expect it to go to long. Winner: Ben Fruth breaks his O-fer streak.

Ernie Ballz, Eric Ryan & Corey Winters vs. Brian Bender & the Puerto Rican Wrecking Crew (Isaac Montana & Luis Diamante) – This match is tied together by the former Team Clash (Ballz & Bender) who are feuding over who was the leader of Team Clash, who evidently was far more successful than the one I watched on TV. The PRWC has been off TV for a large chunk of the end of the season due to injuries so they have been a non-factor in the tag division. They did break up Team Clash by attacking and injuring Ballz early in their tenure on PWO. Ryan & Winters have been guided by Ballz the last couple of months with minimal to no success. It’s hard to get into this match or even predict a winner since the feud is so unconvential since Ballz hasn’t been in the ring since the PRWC attacked him and they have been MIA on TV. Winner: Bender & the PRWC.

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ECW old-timers announced for TNA Hardcore Justice (still sounds like porn)

Balls Mahoney

The guy on the right paid $20 for this picture. He later gave Balls another $50 to rake his lawn with his teeth.

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA’s subsite for its Hardcore Justice pay-per-view lists the following ECW originals as appearing at the show. Let’s all hop in the Delorean and see who’ll be there:

-Tommy Dreamer
-Mick Foley
-Rob Van Dam
-Team 3D
-Raven
-Rhino
-Stevie Richards
-Simon Diamond
-Al Snow
-Axl Rotten
-Balls Mahoney
-Johnny Swinger

In other news, I just got my driver’s license, made out with a girl in the grade ahead of me, and drank half a bottle of vodka at my friend’s house while his parents were away. Hey, whose headlights are those?? Oh no, they’re home early! And then I barfed on the living room floor just as they walked in. My parents were tough but fair and gave me an 11 p.m. curfew for the rest of the summer. What a crazy night! -Eric

PWO – Season 3 – Episode 30

Guess who's traveling to Cleveland Sunday for Wrestlelution 3: A Defining Moment?

This episode is the last episode of the season (This past week’s episode was just a big preview of the Wrestlelution 3: A Defining Moment matches) so we should be just putting the whipped cream and cherry on these feuds.

“The Megastar” Marion Fontaine came to the ring and grabbed the mic. He berated the crowd and said that Matt Justice blew all of his chances. He said he had to work hard to get management’s attention. Fontaine called out Justice. Aaron Maguire said that Fontaine will beat Duggan at Wrestlelution to cement himself as a “Megastar”. A slow start led to Fontaine getting tossed out of the ring. Justice forearmed Fontaine in the corner. Justice hit a reverse atomic drop. Fontaine thrust kicked Justice. A leg lariat got a two count for Fontaine. Joe Dombrowski had mentioned Justice’s months long absence. Justice gave Fontaine a DVD. Fontaine shook the ring rope which got Justice to fall. Fontaine gave Justice a Lionsault for the victory. Fontaine said that he’s going to run Duggan in circles. Dombrowski got up from his booth, berated Fontaine and said that people earn their way on their own. Dombrowski said that Fontaine only cares for himself. Dombrowski said Duggan will beat respect into him.

Analysis: Dombrowski and Maguire hyped Fontaine’s match for Wrestlelution well until Dombrowski got up from his desk and berated him. I thought Fontaine did his part with the in ring promo before the match and he won his match convincingly. It clouded the participants in the match at Wrestlelution. Dombrowski isn’t in the match, so he shouldn’t get up from the desk and make himself part of it practically on the go home show. Score: +1 (Grr, I’m not going to go to fractions. Good stuff mostly.)

“Omega” Aaron Draven told N8 Mattson screwed himself over with his stipulation. Draven called Benjamin Boone the “First Lady of Michigan” but then told a serious part about how he realizes what a tough opponent he will be. Draven said he wants to end the near two year winning streak of Boone and defend his TV Title belt. Boone came in and gave Draven a cobra clutch. He told Draven he was going to beat him and take home the TV Title. Boone then tossed him down.

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Stunt Granny Audio #108: Rob Van Sandman Edition

Ted DiBiase

"Hey kid, *I'm* still the one who comes up when you Google Image Search 'ted dibiase'! NYAHHH HAHAHAHAHA!"

Eric and Kevin return with a look at the past few days’ wrestling events. What did the guys think of finally getting to see Tommy Dreamer cry on TNA iMPACT! last Thursday? How many holes (not of the donut kind) in logic does this whole invasion angle have? And what can we expect from the next few weeks of TV (hint: huge matches, PPV-caliber show or not). The gents move onto Monday Night Raw and the usual “dissension among the ranks” angle that crops up every so often. Also of note: What did they think of Nexus’ domination of seven superstars? Of Miz and Sheamus’ interaction? Of John Morrison’s beard? Also, what brilliant idea does Kevin have for Ted DiBiase? All this and Percy Watson if you just click and listen! (72 minutes)

Stunt Granny Audio #108

Eric’s Blog: Ranking the Season 2 WWE NXT Rookies (Week 8)

Percy Watson

OH YEAH!

Once again, WWE has made my job easy for me, not just because they cut one of the remaining seven rookies, but because after last night’s promos and wrestling matches, I found myself scratching my head, wondering exactly where I’d rank the guy who inevitably was cut. Based on their performances, my top four guys shifted, one nose-dove compared to his high NXT ranking, and one has entrenched himself at the bottom. So with one more down, here are my 1-through-6 rankings, with the designated NXT jobber firmly in place.

1) Kaval. I’m not saying this in a markish, “a pro said it so it must be true” sort of way, but the facts that Kaval got Cody Rhodes’ stamp of approval during a pre-taped promo and that WWE was willing to air that commendation by such an arrogant character show WWE’s willingness to portray the indy darling as a legitimate future main-roster member. He again shone in the ring, and his promo this week didn’t suck as bad as last week’s, despite Michael Cole’s protesting.

2) Alex Riley. Yep, Riley was overtaken this week. The shoe-in, the sure thing and the next breakout star… tried jumping on Eli Cottonwood’s back like a little kid at recess. Three times. His mic work was still superb, and he’s pretty much shown us exactly what we need to see in the ring by week 8 to know how well he can wrestle. But he needs to watch out for missteps like diving onto a 7-foot-1 giant who was apparently told to no-sell everyone else. It made Riley look weak, and the show-ending brawl with Michael McGillicutty didn’t help him regain much heat.

3) Percy Watson. Percy’s promo at the start of the show once again proved his talents on the mic and his ability to get the crowd behind him, you know what I’m sayin’? His pre-tape with the pros helped get over how athletic and charismatic he is, OH YEAH! And his match highlighted some of the little things he does well (even just slapping his opponent in the stomach while in a side headlock), even if his finisher is a little sloppy by WWE standards.

4) Husky Harris. Hey, Husky had a singles match where he looked good! His promo at the top of the show was funny and well-delivered, his sneer still gives him a facial expression that makes him stand out (as do the general expressions of the guys above Husky in this list, but definitely not the ones below him), and his T-shirt is bad-ass. Whether or not Husky Harris wins, I’d like to see him on Smackdown or possibly Raw when this competition is over; I may have found my new, albeit a little smaller, Vader!

5) Michael McGillicutty. Another cocky promo at the end of the show from the babyface McGillicutty. Maybe WWE has bigger things planned for McGillicutty after this, like a dastardly heel turn and a scathing promo on the fans. Otherwise, I don’t see how the arrogance of “I’m number one, I’m awesome, etc.” parlays into a successful babyface character at this stage in his young, still-being-exposed career. At least his finisher is cool, he didn’t look terrible against Eli Cottonwood (whose newfound promo ability will be sorely missed by this viewer), and he’s willing to take hard bumps.

6) Lucky Cannon. That promo he cut to kick off the show really zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….. At least Eli Cottonwood amazingly, surprisingly and miraculously showed me two things that would make me want to tune in to see him again: His funny backstage promo with John “Hippopotamus Ziggles” Morrison, and his “MUSTACHE” T-shirt. Lucky Cannon shows me literally nothing, except what a pre-op looks like.

Youtube Wrestling Treasures #5 – Action Packed

It’as been more than 4 months since my last post? Damn.  I am a lazy, lazy man.

With all of the hype behind the new Macho Man action figure, I figured it would be time to take a trip back…

1985 WWF Thumb Wrestlers

LJN Wrestling Superstars

WWF Stretch Wrestlers

1987 – Featuring the Killer Bees Singing!

My Elbow Smash Will Destroy Hogan!

The New WWF Ring

I’LL CROWN ALL OF YA!

New WWF Figures Got the Power!

BONUS

How Would You Like To Bonk Hulk Hogan?

TNA simply does not get it: PPV-like Impact to air in August

Chris Harris

Bring *this* guy back, that would pique my interest.

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA will tape a special edition of iMPACT! on Aug. 9 (presumably to air Aug. 12, the day after Hulk Hogan’s birthday, for what it’s worth) that will feature pay-per-view caliber matches with no promos or vignettes. As of now, the episode will be titled “The Whole F’n Show.” Let’s examine the facts and/or hearsay as we know it:

*Either Eric Bischoff or Vince Russo has said (and I’m sure the one who didn’t say it would be happy to correct me) that a small percentage of wrestling nerds clamor for a broadcast featuring nothing but 120 minutes of wrestling. He (whichever he it was) made fun of that. And now they’re doing it. So not only do they not know what they’re talking about (no one wants week after week of 45-minute matches, dummies), they’re also hypocrites.

*Wrestling, like it or not, is entertainment, and since the dawn of the sport on television, promos have been one of the components of the entertainment cocktail. From Buddy Rogers to some jerks in the 1960s to Dusty Rhodes to Ric Flair to Hulk Hogan to Steve Austin to current TNA champion Rob Van Dam, wrestlers have lived and died off of their ability to cut promos that draw fans to live events and pay-per-view broadcasts. So TNA promising no promos is the equivalent of promising a half-assed show. Believe me, I’d take a five-minute Kevin Nash promo over a 10-minute Amazing Red match any day.

*And when they say “vignettes,” do they also mean “video packages that explain the backgrounds of these feuds”? Without them, that means one or possibly both of two things: They don’t care enough about educating potential new fans about the ongoing story arcs in the company, or this show won’t feature matches between wrestlers who are feuding, which means I don’t care.

*TNA already gives away top-shelf matches every week, so how is this any different? Will some blabbermouth from TNA proclaim in the next few weeks that we’ll get longer matches (as though, if we’re supposed to suspend our disbelief and pretend there’s some sporting aspect here, that can be determined) with more clean finishes (now *that* would be special)? Whoopee! If this show is what you call penance; maybe you shouldn’t be sinning in the first place. Ask AJ or Russo about that one. -Eric

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