Stunt Granny Audio #113

We are going to battle folks.

Yes that’s right, after weeks vacation Stunt Granny Audio is back and its long. See, we make up for our absence. Jeremy & Kevin bring some noise on this edition and there is little to no talk of TNA so be happy. They start off with a lengthy discussion on the downfall of Matt Hardy. So if you aren’t a fan, skip to the 30 minute mark or something. They then discuss the blandness of Chad Johnson and what may be the reasons behind it. Then they get all over this past edition of Raw and how it leads up to Night of Champions. Who did they like? Who gets a loud groan now? You have to tune in to find out.

Stunt Granny Audio #113

Chad Ochocinco to host tonight’s WWE Monday Night Raw

Chad Ochocinco

"Grrr, I'm Chad Ochocinco, and I'll be flexing my muscles as guest host of WWE Monday Night Raw!"

In case you hadn’t heard yet, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco is hosting WWE Monday Night Raw tonight. Now, of course, we wouldn’t post Chad Ochocinco’s name in our headline about WWE Monday Night Raw guest hosts, and then post a picture of Chad Ochocinco at the top of this post about WWE Monday Night Raw guest hosts, and then mention the name of Chad Ochocinco multiple times in a post about WWE Monday Night Raw guest hosts just to increase our page views and hits. That would be downright dishonest! In other news, gas mask ferrari mickie james naked. -Eric

Fat Matt Hardy is Clearly Fibbin!

Double fisting fried chicken is healthy.

Ok so just to dispute what Dusty reported over the weekend. Matt Hardy did not get sent home from England. As you will see from the vid below he is still in England. You know, because people are driving on the wrong side of the road, there is a lift instead f an elevator and he is still ridiculously fat. Oh, he also had his entire intestine explode and this caused the doctors to find that he can’t eat red meat.


So real quick, he was not sent home because he is still in England and is leaving on the same date he was scheduled. I don’t; want to sound like a negative Nancy in this but if you get sent home from the arena and scratched from the card, didn’t you get sent home? Then to not be scheduled the next day…..um….just sayin. But I know Matt Hardy couldn’t possibly be fibbing to all of us. I mean why else go through the expense of changing plane tickets and making accommodation changes when you can just stay one more day and not have to deal with the airlines, right?

Now here is a personal observation; Did someone hit this idiot in the right side of the head with a shovel? Why the hell is his face drooping. Stroke victims have less facial paralysis then this bloated idiot. Did eating red meat cause your face to bloat so bad that your eye went crooked? Fuck, look at me when I am talking to you. Maybe, just maybe, Vince and company know what the hell they are doing with this guy after all.

Imagine a Summerslam poster with Matt Hardy’s giant face with, as Kevin pointed out to me, too well manicured eye brows, and lazy eye staring back at you. It screams county fair and not a multi-million dollar company funded program. Matt isn’t marketable for major promotions. He has a horrible drawl that makes me sound intelligent and is clearly annoying to other wrestlers. Just look at the following video. -Jeremy

RIP Mike Shaw

Word going around the internet water cooler is that Mike Shaw, aka Bastion Booger, aka Norman the Lunatic, aka Makhan Singh, passed away over the weekend. He was 53 years old. We here at Stunt Granny offer our most sincere condolences to his family and friends.

On a personal level, I always had a great deal of respect for Mike Shaw. He obviously cared a great deal about what he was doing, and he was different. God forbid in this day and age that a wrestler not be a goddamn interchangeable head. Keep truckin’, Norman… – Dusty

Matt Hardy Is On Drugs

Credit PWI:

It is being reported by PWI that Matt Hardy has been sent home form the current WWE European Tour today. Mike Johnson reports there was some concern over the “condition” of Hardy at the live events. Hardy was scheduled to team up with R-Truth against CM Punk and Luke Gallows but after a discussion with WWE officials he lefts the buildings and never returned for his match.

I noticed lately on Smackdown that they’re trying to do the Shelton Benjamin-esque slow bury with Hardy – that is, job him out, make him look as bad as possible for a long period of time, and then let him go to TNA. If he keeps this up, they won’t be able to do it slowly, he’ll be turfed in no time. No big deal though, he’s already completely useless. – Dusty

ROH to Air in France.

Dog with a Beret, get it?

Rejoice, wrestling fans! Frenchies can now sit around chain-smoking with a baguette in hand espousing how ROH’s visual style is reminiscent of early French existential films in that they are both overrated pieces of shit but since they are not well known, only douchebag film snobs like it and look down on whoever hasn’t heard of them. But hey, much like all ROH fans, French people think they’re better than everyone else, yet don’t wear deodorant. All of this according to Prowrestling.net.

This isn’t the worst thing for France. It now gives their national soccer/football team something to watch when they refuse to practice. I can’t imagine there is much else to watch in France other than Jerry Lewis and Yahoo Serious flicks. Have you ever tried watching French porn? That garbage is near unwatchable. Not only can you not understand anyone, you can barley see a chick’s vagina behind the thicket that runs from the lower ass cheek up to their friggin belly button. Hey ladies, it’s called a BIC; look in to it, for Christ’s sake.

This isn’t exactly great news for ROH, however; when a good day consists of TV in France and Eddie Edwards re-signing, you might as well cash in your chips. Remember this, kids: France gave the U.S. the Statue of Liberty. ROH gave TNA Desmond Wolfe. Thanks for nothing. –Jeremy (with an assist from Eric)

Remember! No TNA Impact Tonight

Lobster Dog is unmoved.

Bad news if you are eager to watch some wrestling tonight; Impact isn’t on and it isn’t Friday. Yup, Spike TV has deemed the NFL and ESPN College Football too big to put little old Impact on tonight, At least that has to be the reasoning, right?

Impact and especially TNA rank so high on Spike’s importance scale that reruns of “Gangland” bumped it. They removed Impact for repeats even though TNA is coming off of a PPV. So, this clearly kills all of the credibility of Dixie Carter. You know, the chick who runs or owns or cameos or bigfoots or whatevers Impact and TNA. She constantly spews about how Spike loves TNA and blah blah blah and then they get treated like an episode of “The John Henson Show.” You remember that right? That’s what I thought.

So to make up for the fact that their only show got bumped for reruns, they are putting on a web show of…….wait for it……. a live Q&A with Dixie Carter. Yes, instead of taping some matches or putting on a best-of show or interviewing wrestlers or getting over angles, they are having a question and answerzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

This bitch is everywhere now. Remember when she wasn’t on TV? Well, Impact still sucked but she wasn’t on so I am not sure what my point is here. Anyway, I have a suggestion for Dixie Carter that will make this web show at least passable and it involves her being naked and her playing with her vagina. There, that I would tune in to for about three to five minutes.  -Jeremy

Eric’s blog: On a slow news day like today…

lanny poffo

"I hear tonight I'm teaming with the Honky Tonk Man, I'll be surprised if we get paid; I only see 8 fans!"

… is it sad that Jeremy says, “someone needs to die already”?

… is it wrong to wish for 7-8 WWE “superstars” to get canned?

… would it help if a major financial backer (read: money mark) for an upstart wrestling promotion (read: crock of shit) ended up dead, naked and face down in a hotel bathtub, covered in Vaseline, with a hooker sobbing uncontrollably on the bed?

(Would the hooker really still be there, or would she have taken the money and ran?)

(And who’s to say the hooker would have been a “she”?)

(Speaking of which, any Mexican midgets die lately?)

… is it sad that Samoa Joe yelling at Jeremy Borash would be a welcome piece of news?

… would it be too much for Shawn Michaels to tweet something on that Twitter account that he savvily ended with an underscore?

… could John Cena accidentally call Stephanie McMahon a “cunt” on the radio? Now *that* would be legendary.

… could Lanny Poffo and Honky Tonk Man at least team up to DVDA that hooker from earlier?

… could Spike TV announce that it’s pre-empting TNA iMPACT! for the duration of the show’s contract in favor of showing two-hour marathons of “That’s My Bush” and old episodes of “Police Squad”?

… could Dixie Carter just come to her fucking senses?

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

A better looking version of what I was doing today.

I’m starting late today because of clean up after dinner (mmm, smoked, dry rubbed catfish) and watching the Virginia Tech versus Boise State game. I’m going to start watching Raw when I catch up. I have a shot riding on this game so it’s important. My ass clown of a buddy thinks the ACC is good simply because he went to The  U aka Miami. Even though I go to a lot of Ohio State events, I’m not really a fan. Who am I to turn down a big party and free beer every Saturday? I’d feel like a communist. I’m going to laugh if VT continues to get blown out and Miami does this coming weekend in the Horseshoe. Fuck, VT made it a game right before half time.

On to Raw. And flipping back to the game when I get a chance.Wade is taking his grand, old time starting this promo. They’re in DC just like the game? How would you decide? This crowd has a right to be restless. What a slow start to the show.  Otunga was better than he has been since the show ended.  Tarver is just good. I’m still baffled by his awful performances on NXT. Slater annoys me in a bad way.  I’m still surprised that Cena got pinned. Gabriel is doing pretty well on the mic. ice topper with Barrett.Orton gets the crowd to wake up. Orton has a nice goal for the PPV. I’ve got to admit when I read the story Dusty posted, I started to wonder more seriously on the fact that the GM really could be HHH. The mid-main event and the main event sound like they could be good. Nexus might get more help from others outside the group.

The GM has developed into someone that is fairly even keeled. They show up less than anyone who would be on TV even if the emails are sillyess personified. At least Morrison still has one fan in the crowd.  They head to commercial so that I can come close to catching up before half time is over.

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Triple H Gets Office Gig

Pictured above: Triple H, helping with the construction of his new office.

From Wrestlezone:

WWE headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut is undergoing a slight renovation as an office is being built for Paul “Triple H” Levesque, who was recently promoted to an executive role within the organization.

According to a company source, the multi-time wrestling champion now officially serves as WWE Chairman Vince McMahon’s creative advisor.

While Triple H has had Vince’s ear for the past several years, it was always in an unofficial capacity. From this point forward, he will have a much more authoritative voice in regards to the company’s creative direction and its many performers.

I don’t even want to vocalize what I hope this means, for fear of jinxing it, so I’m going to leave it at this. – Dusty

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