TNAnonymous has a ‘tude on Twitter

Brilliance, captured.

As much as we hate TNA Wrestling, apparently no one hates it more than almost everyone in TNA’s own locker room. That must be embarrassing, running a multi-million dollar company (into the ground) and knowing that so many of the people who collect your paychecks hate your guts personally and are ashamed of your work professionally.

Well, one semi-ballsy wrestler has chosen to enter the Twitterverse anonymously (appropriately, his Twitter handle is @TNAnonymous), and although I’m sure you’ve all been wised up to the existence of this stealthy cyberstud, we thought we’d catch you up on his past few posts. Why now? Because he made fun of Matt Hardy, of course!

“Money that could be spent by boosting Gen Me’s measly wage is now going to be put towards catering in preperation for Matt Hardy’s arrival.”

Now mind you, we at Stunt Granny think Generation Me are f@gs and spot monkeys who are a detriment to the pro wrestling business, but any time someone can take a poke at Matt Hardy (when I think of that, I imagine someone putting a finger in the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s stomach), we’re all for it.

Of course, with social media comes brilliant commentary, including this response from @billyrouth1 (had to stake his claim to being the first one, I guess):

thats bc gen me are a couble of retards

Yep, Gen Me and Billy Routh, a real couble of retards. -Eric

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Eddie Guerrero’s daughter signs WWE deal, Hulk Hogan to cry on TV again

shaul guerrero

Eh, she'll do in a pinch.

According to Prowrestling.net, Shaul Guerrero, daughter of Eddie and Vickie Guerrero, has signed a developmental deal with WWE. I remember seeing their daughters a couple of times on TV around 2005 and thinking, “Yikes! Was I that awkward-looking as an adolescent? There’s a family I wouldn’t want to marry into.” Now, it’s like the ugly duckling has turned into a boring swan that’s about a 4 out of 10. Does WWE feel so guilty about Eddie’s death that they insist on giving his family money every year? Or are they such assholes that they think, “Oh, we’ll give you money, Slimer, but you and your mediocre-looking daughters are gonna work for it, now get out there and yell ‘Excuse me!'”? Maybe other daughter Sherilyn can play a Feo Betty character next. No offense, of course.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan will be featured in an A&E special, “Finding Hulk Hogan,” to air on Nov. 17. I found him: He was backstage in the TNA iMPACT! Zone, looking for change on the floor, recharging his spine tingler and texting Nick to ask him to bring home a college skank for daddy, too. Naturally I’ll be watching this, but isn’t it sad that fat schlubby superfan Chris Sader comes off looking better in his documentary than Sader’s idol Hogan will in his?

"La la la la, I can't hear you."

Stunt Granny Audio #116: WWE Bragging Rights Live Recap Edition

minneapolis

It's bright lights, it's the big city!

Hey kids, it’s a very special edition of the Stunt Granny Audio, as good SG friend Nathan Timm, aka Mr. Mauer, aka Mr. Morneau joins us on a windy Tuesday night to discuss WWE Bragging Rights, a pay-per-view event he attended in his hometown of Minneapolis, Minn. Dusty and Eric grill him on the turnout and the crowd’s reactions to various events during the show. How did Minnesotans react to the likes of CM Punk and Daniel Bryan? Or John Cena and Randy Orton? What did they think of the shenanigans at the ends of the two world title matches? And how much of the crowd would have rather seen the Packers-Vikings game live? Click to listen, silly! It’s for your health.

Audio

And P.S. What’s up with this??

Stunt Granny Audio- Bragging Rights 2010 Recap

Kane Versus Edge and It Isn’t 2005.

Hey it’s 2005 all over again. Spoiler alert if you didn’t read the headline. On this coming Friday’s edition of Smackdown, Edge becomes the number one contender for the Heavyweight title. This wouldn’t be news, but since it is Kane, it certainly becomes news. See, you know how we and other people bitch about no new stars and the same tired feuds in WWE? Well, this is a prime example of that. This match up between Kane and Edge is yet another rehash of a feud from 2005. Will WWE acknowledge this? Probably not in any great detail but it is worth noting here.

Is this the start of a Kane nostalgia tour? He has gone through the Undertaker phase. He is now in his Edge phase. He has the Big Show on the horizon. Then there is the inevitable Undertaker return. Maybe they can pry RVD away from TNA. OK, that was a total joke, because all it would take is a piss supplier and copious amounts of Blue Dragon to get RVD back. Then there is always Matt Hardy, but they released him for being fat and unmarketable now, so that boat may have sailed. Unless they bring him back for a final squash, but Matt wouldn’t know what a squash is to begin with. I mean look at the guy. The only squash he knows is when he presses a marshmallow between two chocolate covered Twinkies. Yes, Matt Hardy fat jokes live on.

You do realize that disguised in the same fat jokes and clumsy logic, WWE has no new feuds? The Kane Nostalgia Tour is evidence of this. Over on Raw they are already underway with Randy Orton and John Cena probably headlining WrestleMania. So as it stands now, WrestleMania will probably be a rehash of Cena/Orton and Undertaker/Kane. Sigh. -Jeremy

WWE “Tough Enough” may return, Jeff Hardy not allowed on airplanes

"Hey kids!"

According to Prowrestling.net, Jeff Hardy appeared on a CBS talk show, appropriately titled “The Talk,” on Tuesday to surprise a little boy (via video; god damn, can’t he take any time out of his busy schedule of wrestling three times a month and building 20-foot-tall wooden men in his backyard to visit this kid in real life?) who’s been bullied in school. The boy will be flown out to Orlando to watch a TNA taping. I thought this was a *surprise*. Then again, a tongue in the ass at 6 a.m. is a surprise, but that doesn’t make it good. The boy was also given a bunch of TNA memorabilia, including Kurt Angle’s little black book of big black women, Vince Russo’s “Pamphlet to Successful Booking, Copyright 1999” and Orlando Jordan’s pasties. Running around school covered with TNA merchandhise, huh? Nope, this kid isn’t getting bullied anymore.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, WWE reality show “Tough Enough” may make its return, this time to the USA Network. The format may feature some tweaks, says the post, which I venture to guess include not being the least fucking bit like NXT and not including Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly as a trainer. USA is also asking WWE to hire a production company that actually knows how to create good reality TV. The only good producers of reality TV are the ones that use my band Hold For Swank‘s music in the background.

MsChif Ascends to Goddess Status

Choosing an arty pic to offset the obvious machoism.

I am getting to this first because  my head may explode soon. MsChif, was featured on PBS’s show “The Secret Life of Scientists and Engineers.” It turns out MsChif is a Microbiologist when not wrestling. Yes, a fucking microbiologist. Now I understand that not all women are complete dolts and I’m not saying I expected her to be one but a microbiologist? Jesus Christ. I didn’t understand regular biology in High School so the idea that a wrestler, male or female understands any of it, let alone a particular study.

This news makes my groin ache as I always considered McChif to be one of the underrated cuties in wrestling. Now it comes out she has brains as well? Not just street smart brains but actual clinical analysis style brains? This news also changes my long standing ideas about one day meeting her. It always played out that I would be cool and star struck like usual but not a total goof. Now, if that day ever comes I may have to bring a change of underwear. -Jeremy

John Cena takes huge leap, will star in action movie about brothers

amy smart john cena wwe

And on top of that, this could have been his.

According to Prowrestling.net, John Cena’s next movie will be titled “Blood Brothers,” and the plot of the movie involves three brothers who barely know each other, all of whom share a dad but were squeezed out of different mothers. The dad dies, and a random sister is thrown into the mix, who brings them all together to let them know they have something waiting for them. What that thing is is a big surprise, and the journey they have to go through to get this big surprise makes “The Poseidon Adventure” look like a lap around the YMCA pool. Whatever. The only thing I got out of the whole write-up at Dot Net is that Amy Smart plays the sister. Then that reminded me of a post Jeremy wrote a while back titled “John Cena is an Idiot,” about how Cena married his high school sweetheart. Dipshit, you’re in remote New Mexico with a hot Hollywood actress, and you have a wife back home to answer to? Good one, dingaling. -Eric

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