TNA Disappoints Insane Clown Posse

The tears of a clown...

From the Melt:

Violent J of ICP wrote “I usually love all wrestling, especially TNA, but last night’s Bound for Glory PPV was the worst written show I have ever seen in my whole life.  The boys worked hard, the stories were fuckin trash.  The worst ever.  I want my money back.  It was insulting to fans like me who support them.”

I have never known Violent J to be anything other than a man of the most discerning tastes. If he is disappointed, I am disappointed. TNA, you have some splainin’ to do! – Dusty

Eric’s blog: Scum. Absolute scum. (Roster page and sign spelling update @ 3:50 p.m. central time)

jeff hardy abyss jeff jarrett
(L to R) A druggie, a masochist and a delusional hick. Start printing the money.

(UPDATE: I just looked at the TNA roster page — and you can guess why — and the world champion still says “TBD” as of 3:50 p.m. central time Monday. You’re telling me the fucking Web master couldn’t update the fucking page during the FUCKING PPV?? Jesus tap dancing merciless christ… Also, good call on Jeremy: Whatever idiot made this sign [*cough*Russo’sKid*cough*] used the wrong “they’re”…)

 

Look hard, I promise it says 3:50 p.m.

 

(My thanks to Dusty for finding this picture, and my apologies to Jeremy for also writing what almost amounts to a blog about TNA Bound For Glory.) So what we have here are the leaders of TNA (and we know this because one of them has the TNA World Title), Jeff Hardy (a WWE guy), Abyss (a loser, a dirtball and total bush-league hack who would get booed out of IWA-MS), and Jeff Jarrett (a simpleton who couldn’t draw a dime with a fucking dime-shaped stencil). They are feuding with “Slow and Steady” Sting, D’Angelo “Better Than This” Dinero, Samoa “Don’t Call Me the New Sting” Joe, and “Twittering” Kevin Nash WHOOPS KEVIN NASH IS LEAVING.

I wonder if they’ll get into an altercation with Fortune, featuring some of the once-brightest acts in professional wrestling — AJ Styles (no longer a dork, that’s Eric Young), Matt Morgan (from that Fox show that might get canceled), Douglas Williams (who lost to Jay Lethal at Bound For Glory as a backdrop to Dusty’s favorite angle, the Shore) Kazarian (the modern-day Paul Roma; you can put a suit on a jobber, but he’ll still be a jobber) and poor, poor Beer Money, all led by “I Don’t Wrestle Clerks from Walmart… At Least Not Current Ones” Ric Flair.

But who would want to wrestle those chumps after they lost to EV2, a bald/balding/bleeding/barf-inducing group of aging, degenerating former hardcore wrestlers (being shown up each week by Abyss, who doesn’t even do anything that hardcore, hence the aforementioned IWA-MS boo-fest), led by Mick Foley (the original Abyss in almost every category of consideration, other than Wade Keller fawning on him) and consisting of Tommy “Do We Have Any Spare T-Shirts?” Dreamer, Sabu, Chubby Raven, Stevie “Can’t Pay the Bills With Potential” Richards and “Not Even Good Enough to Team With Jesse Neal” Rhino. And I guess Rob Van Dam, for whom people still chant, because he’s awesome.

These are the men fighting for control of TNA, all with Hulk Hogan On Crutches leading the way and Eric “Is It Sturgis Time Yet” Bischoff pulling the strings, except he’s really not. Is it sad that the best news to come out of Bound For Glory is that Generation Me got new outfits? -Eric

Random Questions After Bound For Glory

 

Matt, the cake goes here but you knew that already.

 

So I actually watched “Bound For Glory” last night and have a few questions that maybe, just maybe, some of you loyal readers or listeners can answer.

Why is Gen Me challenging for anything other battling out of a paper bag?
Do the Motor City Machine Guns get a bonus for continually being the curtain-jerkers?
What does it take for the “next Hardy Bros” to make themselves seem legit?
This is the best they could do with Mickey James?
Does Tara in a full body suit still give you funny feelings?
What happened to the Knockouts and is Dutch Mantell still available to book them?
Who was the worst wrestler in the Ink Inc/Orlando Jordan and Eric young match? Trick question they all suck.
Why is it only unattractive people cover their bodies in tattoos?
Is it wrong to root for Hepatitis C during a tag-team match?
Jay Lethal and Doug Williams…..why?
If Becky Bayless was any hotter I would move to Florida or New York or New Jersey or wherever she goes. Is that stalking or true love?
Is The Shore just another gimmick for TNA to showcase their lack of hipness?
I guess the t-shirt fad is catching on in TNA?
Do they have a stash of extra-extra large t-shirts on stand by?
If you fall in face first in to barb wire and do not get sliced up immediately is it real barb wire?
If it isn’t barb wire then why show close ups of it?
If you can see a turn coming during entrances shouldn’t the match just be skipped?
If part of your in ring gear is a T-shirt and your name is not Tommy Dreamer, isn’t it time to call it quits?
Especially if you lazily walk around the ring and show little to no fire while everyone else does the work?
Which of these is not like the other?
Why bother booking Samoa Joe at all if you constantly squash the guy?
Shouldn’t the audience just be pissed off at Sting for not coming out and saying what was up?
If a worker is the guy who makes money does The Brooklyn Brawlers name enter the argument for greatest worker of all time?
Can The Pope please get back to brushing off scandal and renouncing his Nazi affiliations already please? Huh? Wrong Pope? Oh, um, well, nevermind
Why is it supposed to impress people if you have held a title 24 times?
How does TNA write themselves out of two bad retirement angles?
Why is Dixie Carter sitting front row when that seat could be used to ….wait for it…..make money?
If black is slimming why doesn’t it work on anyone n TNA?
Why is Tommy Dreamer wearing MMA gloves?
What happened to that big dude? You know the guy that used to be Matt Morgan, future break out star.
Is it really a cage match if you can open the door and leave it?
Why weren’t Flair and Foley involved in the actual Lethal Lockdown match?
Did you ever think you would see Brian Kendrick meditate on top of a cage during a cage match?
Is Fortune the worst heel stable in the history of wrestling?
Why is Jeff Hardy a heel now?
Why, if a group of babyfaces join together does that make them a heel faction?
Why would a group of babyfaces let a lump of shit heel like Abyss joing their cool guy group?
When did it become acceptable to stand in the ring kicking a referee while he is counting a pin?
Does Kurt angle still have to retire?
Do they have a plan for him to get out of it?
Does it entail him defending TNA’s honor?
Does anyone give a shit?
Is it true there are no fresh ideas in wrestling now? (This isn’t at TNA directly but damn did you see the end of the show?)

Feel free and add your own. The possibilities are endless. -Jeremy

TNA Likes Spending Money

We've got quite a Situation on our hands.

From Meltzer:

Jenni Farley, “JWoww” from Jersey Shore, is scheduled to appear at the Impact tapings tomorrow for Thursday’s show to do an angle to get Robbie E and Cookie over with “The Shore” gimmick, according to TMZ.

They reported she will receive $15,000 for the appearance.  It’s also reported they are looking for return appearances by her.

I have long since given up on TNA and life in general, but let’s sort this one out real quick. TNA is spending $15,000, no small coin, in order to bring in a “celebrity” who isn’t a celebrity, to get over an angle that has no chance of getting over, even if booked 100 percently properly. This is an unmitigated disaster on so many levels, I don’t even feel like covering all of it.
In other news, I wish TNA was a real live female. I would leave Becky for TNA so fast, it would make your head spin. Goddamn right, man, give me the rich chick who spends money like it carries STDs. I want TNA to flush some of that money down the toilet for me! I’m in massive debt! Help a brother out!
Idea: TNA should debut a grandma character who does stunts to try to impress human crash test dummy (emphasis on dummy) Mick Foley. The Stunt Granny. In order to get her over, they bring me in, world renowned for my work here on StuntGranny.com, to do the stunt angle with her. Count the money. And then give it to me. – Dusty
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