Twitter and YouTube work! Matt Hardy released! He got his wish! (Nerd.)

Wait, see what I did with that picture?

According to Prowrestling.net, Matt Hardy has been released from WWE. Good riddance. If you’re so god damned adamant about not being a company man for the people who put you on the map… if you’re so full of yourself that you Tweet and YouTube about yourself 12 times a day… if you’re so self-loathing that, as an athlete, you fail to go to the gym for months and then fake an injury (*cough*GilbertArenas*cough*) or OD or whatever gets you sent home like a huge baby, then you deserve to be released, not because you want to go help your brother make TNA the best garsh-darneded rasslin’ company they ever was, but because you’re complete trash and have no place in the biggest company in your field. Have fun continuing to toil in mediocrity, which, if Google Latitude is correct, is located somewhere within your drug-addled brother’s shadow. -Eric

The TNA Roster Game 2010

It’s that time of year again grand kids. The leaves are changing and beginning to fall. The air is a tad crisper. Chilean miners are wearing dark shades even at night. You know what that means? It means it’s time foe the fourth annual Stunt Granny TNA Roster game. Yes that’s right; all four members of the crew get together and give the thumbs up and thumbs down for their imaginary TNA promotion. Give it a listen as some of the choices are not as clear cut as you think. So give a listen to the HD version of The TNA Roster game. We make it worth your time, promise.

TNA Roster Game 2010

What TNA Did Right This Week

 

My fellow Italian descendant J-Woww on the right if you have somehow avoided the virus known as Jersey Shore brought to the world by MTV.

 

I’m stealing an old Jeremy bit and mentioning what TNA actually did right this week. After reading the spoilers, I’m positive TNA is doing 2 (more like 4) things right. TNA is finally using a reality TV star that still has some power with J-Woww from the Jersey Shore. The second (set of) thing(s) TNA is doing right is bringing in the hotness known as Cookie aka Becky Bayless. It has scored TNA publicity on TMZ (according to our news source Prowrestling.net).

Unfortunately,  everyone that visits TMZ.com and watches this train wreck of a program (just read these because they are sure to create an extra rant or two during the TNA roster game spoilers), they’re going to realize it’s a bigger pile of trash than Jersey Shore is because Bayless can’t act like a Guidette and whatever the fuck his name is isn’t a proper Guido. Can we all agree that whatever fate South Park has in mind for the cast of the Jersey Shore should be executed? TNA is going to run itself into the ground sooner rather than later so I’ll enjoy the slow motion crash of their demise. – Kevin

 

What, do you think I'd skip a chance to post a picture of the other good set of things TNA is doing?

 

Matt Hardy Has A Low IQ

Courtesy of Meltzer:

Matt Hardy is now claiming that all of his weird behavior, including getting sent home, was part of an elaborate work to get a release from WWE, which he still doesn’t have.  He said he was so convincing in being sent home on the European tour that everyone was fooled, except Christian saw through him.  And everything since then has been a work.  And he’s apparently mad at what Lita said about him and wants to address it.  He claimed he made the decision six or seven weeks ago that he wanted to leave and everything was a plot to get a release.  I was figuring he would say that.  He claimed that he reached a deal with WWE and has held up his end of it, that he has the WWE right where he wants them, and when they hold up their end, something big will happen.

So where do I start with this. First of all, why is the video quality so low? This is 2010, there exists technology to make sure that Youtube videos are not this poor looking. Matt Hardy himself has made videos that look much much better than this. Everything is moving backwards in time. This is very bizarre what is happening here.

In any event, Matt Hardy has a tremendously, mind bendingly low IQ. He thinks he has WWE right where he wants them, yet is complaining about how they have not yet held up their end of the deal. Uh, call me crazy here, but that sounds to me like *they* have *him* right where they want him. I’ve been saying this for months now; this is the slow bury, executed to perfection. WWE is making Matt Hardy completely useless. It is a happy accident that he is helping them in their pursuit to entrench him in complete irrelevance.

It’s the same thing that happened to Charlie Haas, for example. WWE could have let him go at any point over the last couple years. They chose the time they did to finally let him because it was at a point where he was totally irrelevant and would mean very little to TNA if they were to bring him in. (Luckily, he is actually intelligent and went to ROH, where his talents can be utilized properly.) WWE will use and abuse their talent in any way they see fit, and that includes running certain people into the ground for however long they see fit before letting them go.

From a basic psychology standpoint, what Matt Hardy is doing here is pretty straight forward. As he sees his life slipping away from him, he is creating an alternate reality where he can pretend that he is in control of his destiny, that he is calling all the shots in his life. Unfortunately for him, it simply does not ring true. He is claiming to be running his own angles and trying to get himself over, but the reality is that WWE owns him and controls him, and for as long as they do so, they can destroy his career whichever way they choose.

Matt Hardy is a sad case because he has become a very poor pro wrestler, through a combination of food and drug addiction, coupled with a low IQ and a delusional psychological condition that prevents him from seeing reality. His arrogant ignorance makes it hard to feel bad for him in what would otherwise paint a sympathic picture, and so I just wish him pain and suffering for as long as he insists on soiling something that I love. – Dusty

TNA Disappoints Insane Clown Posse

The tears of a clown...

From the Melt:

Violent J of ICP wrote “I usually love all wrestling, especially TNA, but last night’s Bound for Glory PPV was the worst written show I have ever seen in my whole life.  The boys worked hard, the stories were fuckin trash.  The worst ever.  I want my money back.  It was insulting to fans like me who support them.”

I have never known Violent J to be anything other than a man of the most discerning tastes. If he is disappointed, I am disappointed. TNA, you have some splainin’ to do! – Dusty

Eric’s blog: Scum. Absolute scum. (Roster page and sign spelling update @ 3:50 p.m. central time)

jeff hardy abyss jeff jarrett
(L to R) A druggie, a masochist and a delusional hick. Start printing the money.

(UPDATE: I just looked at the TNA roster page — and you can guess why — and the world champion still says “TBD” as of 3:50 p.m. central time Monday. You’re telling me the fucking Web master couldn’t update the fucking page during the FUCKING PPV?? Jesus tap dancing merciless christ… Also, good call on Jeremy: Whatever idiot made this sign [*cough*Russo’sKid*cough*] used the wrong “they’re”…)

 

Look hard, I promise it says 3:50 p.m.

 

(My thanks to Dusty for finding this picture, and my apologies to Jeremy for also writing what almost amounts to a blog about TNA Bound For Glory.) So what we have here are the leaders of TNA (and we know this because one of them has the TNA World Title), Jeff Hardy (a WWE guy), Abyss (a loser, a dirtball and total bush-league hack who would get booed out of IWA-MS), and Jeff Jarrett (a simpleton who couldn’t draw a dime with a fucking dime-shaped stencil). They are feuding with “Slow and Steady” Sting, D’Angelo “Better Than This” Dinero, Samoa “Don’t Call Me the New Sting” Joe, and “Twittering” Kevin Nash WHOOPS KEVIN NASH IS LEAVING.

I wonder if they’ll get into an altercation with Fortune, featuring some of the once-brightest acts in professional wrestling — AJ Styles (no longer a dork, that’s Eric Young), Matt Morgan (from that Fox show that might get canceled), Douglas Williams (who lost to Jay Lethal at Bound For Glory as a backdrop to Dusty’s favorite angle, the Shore) Kazarian (the modern-day Paul Roma; you can put a suit on a jobber, but he’ll still be a jobber) and poor, poor Beer Money, all led by “I Don’t Wrestle Clerks from Walmart… At Least Not Current Ones” Ric Flair.

But who would want to wrestle those chumps after they lost to EV2, a bald/balding/bleeding/barf-inducing group of aging, degenerating former hardcore wrestlers (being shown up each week by Abyss, who doesn’t even do anything that hardcore, hence the aforementioned IWA-MS boo-fest), led by Mick Foley (the original Abyss in almost every category of consideration, other than Wade Keller fawning on him) and consisting of Tommy “Do We Have Any Spare T-Shirts?” Dreamer, Sabu, Chubby Raven, Stevie “Can’t Pay the Bills With Potential” Richards and “Not Even Good Enough to Team With Jesse Neal” Rhino. And I guess Rob Van Dam, for whom people still chant, because he’s awesome.

These are the men fighting for control of TNA, all with Hulk Hogan On Crutches leading the way and Eric “Is It Sturgis Time Yet” Bischoff pulling the strings, except he’s really not. Is it sad that the best news to come out of Bound For Glory is that Generation Me got new outfits? -Eric

Random Questions After Bound For Glory

 

Matt, the cake goes here but you knew that already.

 

So I actually watched “Bound For Glory” last night and have a few questions that maybe, just maybe, some of you loyal readers or listeners can answer.

Why is Gen Me challenging for anything other battling out of a paper bag?
Do the Motor City Machine Guns get a bonus for continually being the curtain-jerkers?
What does it take for the “next Hardy Bros” to make themselves seem legit?
This is the best they could do with Mickey James?
Does Tara in a full body suit still give you funny feelings?
What happened to the Knockouts and is Dutch Mantell still available to book them?
Who was the worst wrestler in the Ink Inc/Orlando Jordan and Eric young match? Trick question they all suck.
Why is it only unattractive people cover their bodies in tattoos?
Is it wrong to root for Hepatitis C during a tag-team match?
Jay Lethal and Doug Williams…..why?
If Becky Bayless was any hotter I would move to Florida or New York or New Jersey or wherever she goes. Is that stalking or true love?
Is The Shore just another gimmick for TNA to showcase their lack of hipness?
I guess the t-shirt fad is catching on in TNA?
Do they have a stash of extra-extra large t-shirts on stand by?
If you fall in face first in to barb wire and do not get sliced up immediately is it real barb wire?
If it isn’t barb wire then why show close ups of it?
If you can see a turn coming during entrances shouldn’t the match just be skipped?
If part of your in ring gear is a T-shirt and your name is not Tommy Dreamer, isn’t it time to call it quits?
Especially if you lazily walk around the ring and show little to no fire while everyone else does the work?
Which of these is not like the other?
Why bother booking Samoa Joe at all if you constantly squash the guy?
Shouldn’t the audience just be pissed off at Sting for not coming out and saying what was up?
If a worker is the guy who makes money does The Brooklyn Brawlers name enter the argument for greatest worker of all time?
Can The Pope please get back to brushing off scandal and renouncing his Nazi affiliations already please? Huh? Wrong Pope? Oh, um, well, nevermind
Why is it supposed to impress people if you have held a title 24 times?
How does TNA write themselves out of two bad retirement angles?
Why is Dixie Carter sitting front row when that seat could be used to ….wait for it…..make money?
If black is slimming why doesn’t it work on anyone n TNA?
Why is Tommy Dreamer wearing MMA gloves?
What happened to that big dude? You know the guy that used to be Matt Morgan, future break out star.
Is it really a cage match if you can open the door and leave it?
Why weren’t Flair and Foley involved in the actual Lethal Lockdown match?
Did you ever think you would see Brian Kendrick meditate on top of a cage during a cage match?
Is Fortune the worst heel stable in the history of wrestling?
Why is Jeff Hardy a heel now?
Why, if a group of babyfaces join together does that make them a heel faction?
Why would a group of babyfaces let a lump of shit heel like Abyss joing their cool guy group?
When did it become acceptable to stand in the ring kicking a referee while he is counting a pin?
Does Kurt angle still have to retire?
Do they have a plan for him to get out of it?
Does it entail him defending TNA’s honor?
Does anyone give a shit?
Is it true there are no fresh ideas in wrestling now? (This isn’t at TNA directly but damn did you see the end of the show?)

Feel free and add your own. The possibilities are endless. -Jeremy

TNA Likes Spending Money

We've got quite a Situation on our hands.

From Meltzer:

Jenni Farley, “JWoww” from Jersey Shore, is scheduled to appear at the Impact tapings tomorrow for Thursday’s show to do an angle to get Robbie E and Cookie over with “The Shore” gimmick, according to TMZ.

They reported she will receive $15,000 for the appearance.  It’s also reported they are looking for return appearances by her.

I have long since given up on TNA and life in general, but let’s sort this one out real quick. TNA is spending $15,000, no small coin, in order to bring in a “celebrity” who isn’t a celebrity, to get over an angle that has no chance of getting over, even if booked 100 percently properly. This is an unmitigated disaster on so many levels, I don’t even feel like covering all of it.
In other news, I wish TNA was a real live female. I would leave Becky for TNA so fast, it would make your head spin. Goddamn right, man, give me the rich chick who spends money like it carries STDs. I want TNA to flush some of that money down the toilet for me! I’m in massive debt! Help a brother out!
Idea: TNA should debut a grandma character who does stunts to try to impress human crash test dummy (emphasis on dummy) Mick Foley. The Stunt Granny. In order to get her over, they bring me in, world renowned for my work here on StuntGranny.com, to do the stunt angle with her. Count the money. And then give it to me. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio #115

I put ion homecoming queen funny in google and this popped up.

It’s that time of week and that means there is a new audio posted. Yes indeed, Eric finally comes back and lays down some opinions. He is joined by Jeremy and later Kevin as the trio discusses the bigger stories in WWE. What does the Kane/Undertaker remind the guys of? Could it be cocaine and herpes? Possibly? They also spout off on the unfortunate circumstances around Daniel Bryan and how his character can recover. They then discuss Edge’ move to Smackdown; should he go with the face turn or remain heel and if he is what Smackdown needs right now. So give it a listen. It’s painless and forgettable for the most part and Jeremy even makes fun of retarded homecoming queens. So if that doesn’t sell ya nothing will.

Stunt Granny Audio #115

Mick Foley prattles on about himself, the sun rose today

mick foley

"My mom says I'm cool." (Photo courtesy BaltimoreSun.com)

In an interview with Kevin Eck of the Baltimore Sun, Mick Foley talked about his favorite subject — himself — and some media coming down the pike about his favorite subject — a book about himself and a movie about himself. (Do me a favor and stick with me here, I do some amazing math at the end…)

About WWE plugging the book:

Did you know that WWE was going to plug your book on Raw? What are your thoughts about them doing it?

I had a vague idea because I had gotten an e-mail from my publicist saying that someone from WWE had requested a copy of the book and asked me if I was OK with that. I said it was fine, and I received a phone call from someone who was not Vince McMahon telling me that they really appreciated the time I had spent there and that they were going to be mentioning my book. It was one of those things that I had to really see to believe. So even with a little bit of a head’s up it still caught me by surprise when it came on the air.

About an “open letter” he writes to every wrestler out there:

There’s a chapter in the book titled “An Open Letter” in which you speak to “every wrestler: past, present and future” on the subject of wrestlers dying young. Have you gotten any feedback yet from anyone in the business?

I have not gotten any feedback about that chapter. I’m interested to see what the reactions from younger wrestlers might be. I had addressed the developmental guys in WWE’s two developmental territories at the time – Ohio Valley Wrestling and Florida Championship Wrestling – and I wanted to do a chapter that would have the potential to reach anybody who was in the business or thinking of breaking into the business. I would like to think that trainers would be making this one chapter mandatory reading, even if they go run it off on a Xerox machine. I’m not suggesting they buy a copy for each wrestling trainee. But I think it’s a pretty good perspective from a guy who’s been around a long time and that it should be part of a conversation that other wrestlers should feel free to join in on. I don’t ever claim or feel like my thoughts or answers are the only ones that are important, but I do think when it comes to these really timely discussions that I do have a voice to add.

And about the movie:

The news broke last week that your life story is going to be made into a feature film. Tell me about that.

I had met with the director Christopher Scott several years ago and he convinced me that he had a unique way of telling a story that would lend itself to the big screen. I think I was really hesitant because until “The Wrestler” came out I don’t know if I believed that any wrestling story could be well told or accepted by an audience. So when I received another call from him out of the blue several months ago, I was very open to working with him. Together we worked out I think a really good way of telling a story that will appeal to wrestling fans and non-fans alike. I’m very involved in the process and will be writing the script for Scott over the next several months.

Will you play yourself in the movie?

Oh, man, those things have not been decided. I’d have to lose a ton of weight. So if you hear of me employing DDP’s YRG routine you’ll know that there may be a place for me in the movie.

I’ll be honest: “Countdown to Lockdown” is on my short birthday list, right behind the Chris Jericho DVD, some nice end tables, and herpes. And I’ll watch any movie about pro wrestling (I’ve viewed “Body Slam” at least a dozen times). But the main reason I wanted to post this interview is because of the embarrassing number of sentences Mick Foley starts with the word “I.” No, this interview wasn’t about Terry Funk or Vince McMahon or Dixie Carter, it was about Mick Foley. But at some point in your life, you’ve got to get tired of riding that tall mother fucking high horse, don’t you? Seriously, go look. In fact, I’ll even do the math for you: 24 out of 85. That’s almost a third. Does that sound like much to you? Because I can put it into greater perspective: He says “I” 77 times in those 85 sentences, plus variations of “I” (“I’d,” I’m,” “I’ve”) 19 times. Ninety-six references to himself in 85 sentences. The only way he could be more full of himself is if it was his face on all of his empty Chef Boyardee cans. -Eric

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