Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of TNA iMPACT!

TNA cluster bombed us with angles in the opening segment.

They start off with a review of all of the happenings at Genisis spliced in with interviews after the show. Ken Anderson with a dead on description of how well anyone could come up with a better design for a belt than the Jeff Hardy belt.

TNA cameras caught Mrs. Jarrett (I’ve got to admit, still a little weird for me. She’s still kind of hot, but she’s really slutty in a not so good way which is weird since that is almost always a good thing.) arriving at the iMPACT! Zone with Jeff.

Ken Anderson was introduced as the champion to almost no ovation. The sheep boo when he says “The company over there.” Ken complains about getting shafted in the WWE. This promo proves he hasn’t advanced. Thanks for proving them right. You’re not terrible but you haven’t advanced. You can get a crowd to chant “asshole.” I mean, you’re proud you got to act like yourself? Seriously? Anderson wants to thank one asshole in person, Matt Morgan. Morgan wants to go down as the best giant of all time. You’re going to fail. You’re not even close to Kane status yet. They blew each other. Bischoff comes out and said that he has painted a bulls eye on his back because they brought him back. Jeff Hardy says via TV the title will be back around the waist of the anti-christ. OK, I know you allegedly distributed drugs, maybe took a whole lot of them, but what else qualifies you as an anti-christ? Bank robberies? Sodomy? Blowing guys thru glory holes? Murder? If he’s the anti-christ, we’re in great hands with Jesus. RVD assaulted Jeff Hardy. Matt Hardy attacks RVD.  Anderson comes in for the save. Immortal comes in and saves the Hardys. I’ll admit that Fat Hardy looks like he has added some definition in his arms and upper body but his gut has gotten larger. Do abs and cardio my man. And what a cluster fuck of a segment. Why did Morgan help out even if he would have been beat down too? What an asshole.

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Val Venis has choice words for Matt Hardy, other hicks

 

Val Venis, patiently awaiting Matt Hardy's mushmouthed retort.

Please don’t ask me how I ever ended up at a low-rent wrestling site like this one, but according to Wrestling News Source, Val Venis recently posted a video taken from the dashboard of his car (as opposed to the backseat, heh heh heh, amirite, ladies?) where he not just rips on Matt Hardy but totally demolishes him, along with Jeff Hardy, Shane Helms, Shannon Moore, and all of the other “trampoline-jumping goofballs” from Omega Backyard Wrestling. Sorry I can’t embed the video from whatever discount video site this is, but you must go to the link and check it out:

http://bambuser.com/channel/ValVenisENT/broadcast/1323044

You know, the Big Valbowski is kinda like a video blog: One spreads like a virus, and the other spreads viruses. Heh heh heh. Ugh. -Eric

P.S. Jeremy just suggested that Val might be in character, since he doesn’t really talk like this. One (idiot from Cameron, N.C.) might think this post could blow up in my face if this whole thing turns out to be an angle, originating on the Web, between Venis and the Omega losers. The joke, however, will be on them when TNA goes out of business in July 2013. So there.

Short Story News Round Up

CM Punk is not cool.
Eric pointed this one out to me and it just proves no matter how much you think someone may be cool they have that thing about them that just deflates that opinion. Eric also pointed out that this clearly means CM Punk is banging Hayley Williams, which led to me stating the obvious “Who hasn’t?”

Stevie Richards is out of TNA.
Did anyone really care Stevie Richards was in TNA to begin with?

Scott Steiner is back in TNA
Good luck even seeing this link as PWInsider sucks a dick when it comes to pop up ads. So no real need to click it just take our word for it.

Jesse Neal has resigned with TNA

Thanks Bitch

John Cena was fined for saying the word ass.

John Cena is also a liar so whatever.

This cunt is still in the news.

Seriously, fuck this guy. He’ll win though so all of the hate is for nothing and from what I have been told, unhealthy.

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