Kevin’s Blog: Mostly Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Pop art that inspired Frank Miller, probably.

I am way ahead of schedule on my TV watching. Chuck is already knocked off and the only thing remaining from the weekend is a PWO profiles of the Homeless (Hobo Joe) Handicapped (Gregory Iron) Connection and An Idiot Abroad. If you haven’t watched it, try and find it. The last two episodes in Mexico and Egypt are gold mines of hilarious. It’s on the Science Channel in my neck of the woods although I think the BBC broadcasts it too. Anyway, starting my blog at 9:20 so I’m bound to catch up at some point.

A Stunt Granny note: I was working on a preliminary design for a t-shirt for the trip to Wrestlemania. If we got extra made, would you buy one? Put an answer in the comments section.

HHH comes to the ring to start the show. Ahh, just like old times. I didn’t get to make fun of his marriage weight. A little soft around the middle, almost thought it was Matt Hardy. I do dig the shirt. Has a very Sin City/ Frank Miller look. Hey, Art of Wrestling for the first time in more than a year! The promo is closely worded to not degrade the Titles. I won’t be surprised if people bitch about it though. HHH kicks Wee Baby Sheamus right in the junk. Sheamus is getting his ass handed to him by everyone and this is just the topping on the cake. Matthews already lost his head set. Sheamus gets Pedigreed through the announce table. That might be a record for least time in a broadcast an announce booth lasted.

Everything gets pimped for later in the show.

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Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word

He looks like he's gonna squeeze one out here.

And while I’m posting about Canadian pro wrestlers, according to Prowrestling.net, Bret “Hitman” Hart has launched a Twitter page, http://twitter.com/HitmanBretSHart#. It already has 6,40o followers, and it’s only been up for about three hours. That says to me that there are 6,400 people out there who need daytime jobs and could probably stand to retire their Hitman T-shirt from 1994 before the whited-out pit stains become so hard they can’t even move. Oh wait, I think the white comes from deodorant, never mind.

And, OK, I know the mind reads what it wants to, and I know Bret’s middle name is Sergeant (that Stu was a weird bastard), but does he even realize that his Twitter handle is Hitman Bret Shart? I mean… Shart. Again, back to those 6,400 unwashed losers, I’m sure someone in that group has already planted a flag at “HitmanBretHart,” “BretHitmanHart” and “14thOf13Children,” thinking they’re paying some sort of homage. But Shart? Was “BretHitmanClark” taken? What about “TheBretHart” with an underscore after it? Something, geez. -Eric

Chris Jericho cast for ABC “Dancing With the Stars”

 

These boots were made for dancing! Right? Right? Hello?

If you haven’t had enough Chris Jericho news lately (I’m looking squarely at you, Dusty, while you stand in line at the DMV), according to Prowrestling.net, Chris Jericho will be a cast member of the upcoming season of ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.” This brings together two of my favorite things: Smart wrestlers who know to step out of the ring when they should and can still earn money doing other things, and Jeremy making fun of me whenever he’s on audios. -Eric

UPDATE: Jeremy played nice for a minute and alerted me to this: According to TMZ.com (the link to that article is the longest fucking URL ever), Kirstie Alley will also be on this season of “Dancing With the Stars.” Well, it looks like Jericho just got overshadowed! Rumor is Alley’s publicist told her the show was “Dancing With the Stars, Moons, Clovers, Diamonds and Purple Horseshoes”! I hope Tom Bergeron narrates her dances like “America’s Funniest Videos” when the fat grandma at the wedding falls down! They’re gonna have to re-name the show “Dancing on Stars”! As in, real celestial bodies, stars! Because she’s so big!

Oh shit, John Cena’s best friend

Things that make you go hmmm.

From the Observer:

A lot of the top stars who are making big money, like Show, Undertaker, HHH, Cena, Edge and Mysterio are traveling in tour buses like rock bands travel in. It’s all tax deductible as a business expense. For TV’s Cena travels with Michael Cole as the two are best friends.

I’ll file that last sentence in the Things I Never Thought I Would Read department. – Dusty

Oh shit, Jerry Lawler’s girlfriend

Information hacked directly from the Figure Four Weakly board:

FCW Name: Sonia
Real Name: Su Yung (I swear I am not making this up, that really is her real name)
Date of birth: June 30th, 1989
Hometown: Seattle, WA.
Likes: Taco Bell, Value City, cartoons

Outright mentioned as his girlfriend in Lawler’s exclusive interview on his career in this months’ Fighting Spirit Magazine. Lawler also mentioned that he’s recently signed a new 3 year contract with WWE.

So basically what we learned here is that the person who will be Jerry Lawler’s girlfriend 20 years from now has just celebrated her first birthday. – Dusty
 
Edit: There’s moar!
Coming from a mixed ethnic background, I am a very open minded person…..I do not drink, smoke or do drugs. It’s yucky!…..My favorite colors are red and green!…..I love any kind of music people throw at me!…..I am forgetful, so please don’t ask me to remember much! Hehe!…..I am pretty diverse and I like to talk about pretty much anything. Just some info if you ever get to chat it up with me!…..I strongly dislike body hair and the Easter Bunny!…..I am an animal lover. I have a pit bull and a kitten that looks like a girl version of Nermal, both of which I love very much!….I like to wear things not a lot of people would or could pull off and make it cool…..I love Red Bulls, Jones Soda and Starbucks!

Stunt Granny Big 11- Week Ending 2/26/11

1. Smackdown Elimination Chamber – Even though the individual performer medals went to John Morrison & CM Punk in the Raw version, the Smackdown version was the better of the two matches. It was the best multi-man match I’ve seen in quite some time. I don’t think it’ll be a match of the year candidate by the end of the year, but it was a great surprise on the Road to WrestleMania. – Kevin

2. No Word Promo Heard Round the World – Triple H interrupting the long hyped return of the Undertaker was just what the Wrestlemania card needed. Considering they did this without saying a single word tells you how important Undertaker’s streak is at the event. Now if only Undertaker could really live forever. – Kevin

3. Tough Enough – After Rima Fakih was the first contestant to be officially announced for Tough Enough, Val Venis and my sources revealed that “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross was another contestant. After watching him for 3 1/2 seasons in Pro Wrestling Ohio, I’m wishing him good luck. – Kevin

4. Fetuses – Jillian Hall and Candace Michelle both announced that they’re pregnant. (Candace might have been last week, who knows and who cares. And it might be “Candice,” whatever.) (Dusty edit: It absolutely is “Candice” and from this point forward, I’m editing it every single time.) I guess don’t know what trimester the women are in, so I maybe should be giving credit to “zygotes” or “embryos.” Really what I need to do is give myself credit for letting two women I did not impregnate take me back to fifth-grade science terminology. Next up: I’m going to dissect a worm. – Eric

5. Sting – After all of the hype about him possibly being the Undertaker’s opponent for WrestleMania, Sting goes back to TNA and wins the Title. Sting is much smarter than anyone has given him credit for being. He just bilked more money out of TNA based off of rumors. Way to go, kid. – Jeremy

6. TNA – So let’s get this right. They take Impact on the road and then proceed to tape two weeks of television? They recorded a live show instead of forking over for a live broadcast? On top of that they have Sting return at this show that was taped? So, they had a major surprise happen on an episode that was recorded instead of airing live in the same night that Impact airs. If this makes no sense at all it is because it doesn’t. – Jeremy

7. Mistico/Sin Cara – Okay, I don’t get it. I watched CMLL for a while on Telemundo or Univision or whatever, and never saw Mistico. Maybe I did and didn’t realize it since they don’t run the shows in English. So I went to YouTube and looked up some videos of Mistico. Um, I don’t get the appeal. He is just another spotfest Mexican wrestler that wears a mask. How is he a huge star? This isn’t a criticsm of WWE for signing him but why is he such a big star down south? – Jeremy

8. Chris Jericho – The new media gadfly (move over Mo Rocca, you huge nerd) released his epic second book last week, but I read it over that weekend so it still qualifies here. (Note: Buy it, check it out from the library, steal it, I don’t care, it’s great.) And he’s still making the rounds through the media to promote the book, while still making himself look smarter about the business of professional wrestling than 10 Triple Hs. – Eric

9. Hacksaw Duggan – It was recently announced that he will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year, along with Shawn Michaels. It’s sad that the first thing that comes to mind when I see the name “Hacksaw Duggan” is that he had snot coming out of his nose after his WrestleMania 5 match against Bad News Brown. It’s too bad he turned into such a comedy act in the WWF because his work in Mid South/UWF for Bill Watts was very good and he was probably one of the best brawlers in wrestling history. If you are a member of the PWTorch VIP Forum (and if you’re not, you need to sign up immediately!!!), be sure to check out Stunt Granny Nostalgia Expert zourah’s blog about how Duggan’s work for Watts shaped his wrestling fandom. It is an excellent read. – Dusty

10. Austin Aries – Peep and weep:

Dusty

11. Randy Orton – Apparently some kid recently did a doorbell ditch on Orton’s home. Since Orton has a home security system, he was able to post some pictures of the kid with the message being that if someone can catch him, Orton will provide them with free tickets the next time WWE is in St. Louis. I understand that Orton is coming off here like the old man yelling at the punk kids to get off his lawn, but I will always side with the athlete in situations like this. He deserves the same privacy as anyone else, and I hope the kid who did this to him gets humiliated for his effort at 15 seconds of fame.

By the way, how many godfucking times in a row can Eric put up a piece about Chris Jericho? We get it, you like him. We really truly get it. – Dusty

Sting wins TNA Title, Demott to train on WWE Tough Enough, Flair is old

The big green "V" is for, uh, "Vere the hell have you been?"

According to Prowrestling.net, Sting won the TNA World (heh) Title at last night’s TV tapings in Fayetteville, N.C. Man, when the record books are written and the almanacs show that the icon Sting (at age 51) came back to TNA with unparalleled fanfare (from their 1.2-rating audience) and beat the fallen hero Jeff Hardy (druggie) in the mecca of sports entertainment (for hillbillies), professional wrestling will have finally come full circle. And I’ll puke.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Bill Demott (aka Hugh Morrus) has been appointed as a trainer for WWE “Tough Enough.” I bet the way he trains will be no laughing matt….zzzzzzzzzzz…….

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, today is Ric Flair’s birthday!  Now, don’t get him any gifts that can’t be split in fourths, or else three parts of it will go directly to his ex-wives. WOOOOOO! -Eric

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