Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

This picture came up when I searched for "I can't handle this" because my buddy said that as he left. He had watched almost all of Raw last week. Google is right though, I couldn't handle this. I'd be going off like a sprinkler before she even took a piece of clothing off. Just the act of her closing the bedroom door would do that to me.

I watched the opening segment with my buddy Sean so I’m not going to give the Cena/Punk promos much of a review. Cena’s seemed as joking then suddenly serious as they all do these days. Punk brought the boos with him. Biggest surprise so far, there’s actually a crowd that cheers in Anaheim.

Great match up with a nice suspect ending of the mystery arm. It’s a well executed angle. Punk needs the win more than Cena. Matthews and Cole could knock this out tonight. Digging them already.

They showed a review of the Edge & Del Rio segment from Raw 2 weeks ago. Del Rio comes out on Raw again. I’m starting to gag from them shoving him down my throat. Vickie & Dolph come out. Vickie says Dolph is the new champion and will be crowned on Smackdown. She then cackled about Edge attacking Teddy Long and how he’ll lose his job because of it. They end the segment way too quickly. Did they realize it was bombing?

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Jerry Lawler’s sainted mother dies, King may miss Raw

"I'm gonna punch you if you're not careful, Nelson!"

This is a sad one: According to, Jerry “The King” Lawler’s mother Hazel passed away Sunday at the age of 90. Yes, 90, we’re all just as surprised as you are. Surprised that someone in Memphis waited until they were 30 to have a child. God, I’m terrible, I apologize. My sincere condolences go out to Lawler and his family, and I can only hope that the day I meet him, shake his hand and tell him he’s one of my all-time favorites that he hadn’t read this.

There’s also a chance Lawler will miss Monday Night Raw tonight, six days before the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view where Lawler has a WWE Championship match (I’m sorry, “opportunity”) against The Miz. Don’t know how WWE will get around that, unless they simply acknowledge that he isn’t there because of his mother’s death, then have someone like Dusty Rhodes or Sgt. Slaughter come out and take a beating from Miz and Alex Riley. I mean, that’s what I’d do if I were in charge, but who am I to say? I also think Kelly Kelly could be a huge draw, and I once pitched that Ted DiBiase of all fucking people win Money in the Bank at WrestleMania and beat Randy Orton for the title. S-M-R-T. -Eric

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