Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

This picture came up when I searched for "I can't handle this" because my buddy said that as he left. He had watched almost all of Raw last week. Google is right though, I couldn't handle this. I'd be going off like a sprinkler before she even took a piece of clothing off. Just the act of her closing the bedroom door would do that to me.

I watched the opening segment with my buddy Sean so I’m not going to give the Cena/Punk promos much of a review. Cena’s seemed as joking then suddenly serious as they all do these days. Punk brought the boos with him. Biggest surprise so far, there’s actually a crowd that cheers in Anaheim.

Great match up with a nice suspect ending of the mystery arm. It’s a well executed angle. Punk needs the win more than Cena. Matthews and Cole could knock this out tonight. Digging them already.

They showed a review of the Edge & Del Rio segment from Raw 2 weeks ago. Del Rio comes out on Raw again. I’m starting to gag from them shoving him down my throat. Vickie & Dolph come out. Vickie says Dolph is the new champion and will be crowned on Smackdown. She then cackled about Edge attacking Teddy Long and how he’ll lose his job because of it. They end the segment way too quickly. Did they realize it was bombing?

Natalya versus Eve in a Lumber Jill Match. Lucky us. Eve really needs to get rid of the extensions. Natalya pulls out the surf board again. Cole sucks again. For the most part but they are playing good cop, bad cop. 3 man booths have been a problem for the most part recently. Eve took out the heel Divas. It’s a really pathetic amount of people on the outside. Eve pulls out some funky pin. Cole rejoices too much about Eve’s win. I don’t like Cole’s vindictive side like against Natalya. It’s fine to be the heel and run her down but he makes it close to personal for some people.

The Bella Twins getting a push by arguing with Eve. Gail Kim and Natalya help Eve. Cole segues into “The Chaperone” trailer like Jeremy would. Mark Henry gets attacked from behind by Sheamus. Sheamus cuts a solid but short promo. He kicks Henry again on his way out. Officially an effective segment.

Cole does the Miz schtick. Matthews gets yelled at by cole & Riley. Crowd chants Daniel Bryan. Cleveland, you’re officially the worst crowd in the WWE universe. Riley is not doing it for me on the headset. Matthews pinging Cole well. Riley saying people need to go for the big titles not tiles like the US Title. Nice of someone to admit that in the WWE. Bryan with a running knee on Miz into the barricade. Bryan is doing all of the work and looks fantastic. Cole is being the right amount of smug for this match since he has the most practice defending Miz.

Cole, I shouldn’t be impressed by Miz barely beating Bryan if he’s as terrible as you claim he is. Miz should win in a walk. Matthews gets Cole to say Bryan’s good. They are making Bryan look strong which should make Miz look stronger. Matthews facial expressions are awesome. Is Miz going there? Nope, cool. Matthews says the guest host of Wrestlemania is about and says there is a lot of speculation about who it is. Your credibility just took a hit on the second part Josh.

Morrison & R Truth take on McGillicutty & Otunga. Cole covers for hyping Morrison vs. R Truth earlier in the night even if the explanation didn’t make much sense. Morrison gets a bit of a hot tag and shows fire but his punches look a bit weak. Morrison looks strong. R Truth is still a bitch.

Ariel Winter is introduced. I have never watched Modern Family. Well, at least not with sound. I have caught some at the gym. Sofia Vergara is damn hot. Winter introduces the Khali kiss cam. Yeah us. Regal kissing Ryder gets me to laugh. Hornie comes out for some Ariel.

My reward for not fast forwarding through the Khali kiss cam.

If 2-21-11 wasn’t already obvious enough, they pretty much showed a picture of Undertaker in that ad. Orton takes on Sheamus. Matthews & Cole doing a good job hyping the Elimination Chamber and its brutality while pimping Sheamus & Orton. Orton hits the RKO out of no where for the win. Punk & Nexus take out Orton. Morrison, R Trtuh & Cena join the fray. The ring clearance ends with Cena & Orton standing tall. The announcers also did a good job of noting the Wrestlemania implications of the Elimination Chamber matches. The hype for the guest of Wrestlemania is falling flat even with a nice pair of women’s legs coming out of a limo. Could be a swerve.

I’m not feeling the hype build no matter how much the WWE is selling it. The Rock comes out to a massive reaction. He gets to pimp his movie and be involved in the WWE. Nice of him to have money coming out of his ears. As much as he will almost certainly cut some great promos, he’s still not going to be around much of Wrestlemania so it’s still not worth the hype to me. The crowd is eating him up. Been seven years, huh? Wasn’t keeping track. I swear this is a different Anaheim than the ones from other years. They no sold Mick Foley’s 14 straight chair shots. Dwayne thanks the crowd for sticking with him. The Justin Beiber line kills. They have to bleep ass. Rock isn’t in trouble. Rock questions who his opponent will be at Wrestlemania. If he has a match, this is monstrous. I’m super pumped about going now. The GM interrupts the Rock. Super effective since they didn’t use it tonight before now except for an off air reference. Rock said he wants to meet someone who started talking trash about the Rock. He says he wants to meet Cena. Rock is ripping into Cena really well. So is he in a three way with Cena and Miz then?  Rock really milking the crowd. Rock smells what he’s cooking. Geeked. – Kevin

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