Kevin’s Blog: Mostly Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Pop art that inspired Frank Miller, probably.

I am way ahead of schedule on my TV watching. Chuck is already knocked off and the only thing remaining from the weekend is a PWO profiles of the Homeless (Hobo Joe) Handicapped (Gregory Iron) Connection and An Idiot Abroad. If you haven’t watched it, try and find it. The last two episodes in Mexico and Egypt are gold mines of hilarious. It’s on the Science Channel in my neck of the woods although I think the BBC broadcasts it too. Anyway, starting my blog at 9:20 so I’m bound to catch up at some point.

A Stunt Granny note: I was working on a preliminary design for a t-shirt for the trip to Wrestlemania. If we got extra made, would you buy one? Put an answer in the comments section.

HHH comes to the ring to start the show. Ahh, just like old times. I didn’t get to make fun of his marriage weight. A little soft around the middle, almost thought it was Matt Hardy. I do dig the shirt. Has a very Sin City/ Frank Miller look. Hey, Art of Wrestling for the first time in more than a year! The promo is closely worded to not degrade the Titles. I won’t be surprised if people bitch about it though. HHH kicks Wee Baby Sheamus right in the junk. Sheamus is getting his ass handed to him by everyone and this is just the topping on the cake. Matthews already lost his head set. Sheamus gets Pedigreed through the announce table. That might be a record for least time in a broadcast an announce booth lasted.

Everything gets pimped for later in the show.

Sheamus even gets carried off. The GM assigns Evan Bourne to take on the battered Sheamus. Bourne gets less of a reaction than I thought he would. And the WWE just reminded everyone in quick fashion of why they should love Bourne. Baddest ass finisher. Sheamus is getting buried.  What the fuck? Bourne gets interrupted for Cole? Kiss my ass, WWE. And they cut to the commercials. Bite me. Wait until after the break. Let Bourne shine.

A commercial reminds me that I’m going to a Smackdown taping in 22 days. They recapped last week between Lawler & Cole. The Raw announce table is back up. Doesn’t that make you officially know that it doesn’t hurt to go through the table? Cole would make a great heel manager. The WWE will never take him out of the booth. Too bad for us. Cole agrees to a match but he gets to choose the ref and have his corner man. A-Ri, come on down! Jack Swagger getting a pimping. Weird. Matthews sells this as a good decision. Swagger gets the Angle Lock.

Cole is being a dick. Orton grabs the mic. Talkfest tonight. Orton says he should have kicked Punk harder. People cheer. Weird. Punk is going to put Orton into the ground. Matthews gets a shot at the podium. GM declares Orton vs. Punk for Wrestlemania. Orton has to take on all of Nexus separately. If they win, they’re in at WM. If they lose, they’re banned. The second match goes to commercial.

Orton letting McGillicutty have some offense. I’m saying Punk only has Mason Ryan in his corner. RKO does in Mr. Hennig. Everyone is cheering for a concussion. The crowd satiated their blood lust with a punt by Orton. Cole has an easy one to defend. Sin Cara’s signing is show on TV. I guess he’s not going to toil in the minors for long.

Cole lauds Miz. Miz lauds Miz. I’m drinking beer to make it better. Yuengling, mmmmmm. Miz notes that he won the Tag Team Titles & Cena lost them. Miz makes a good point that Cena should only worry about the Miz. Miz Can beat Rock & Cena in one night. I guess he wants to pull a Chris Jericho. Cena comes out. Cena makes horrible jokes but A-Ri makes an even worse one. Touche. Cena tells him to drop Riley. Good point. Miz gets his stipulation. Cena gets his. I hate the Miz’s tie look. Cole looks dapper. So does Matthews. Nice, cage match that escaping is the only way to victory. If they only kept the door locked. One can dream.

Eve gets on commentary. The Bella twins get her wrath. Divas elimnations matches are so boring. Eve calls shenanigans on Twin Magic. Eve gets the beat down. Wow, they are buzzing through wrestling tonight more than normal.

I go live with the Rock’s appearance via satellite. No, you didn’t come. The background is so fake. Rock mocks the rap gimmick. Rock was insulted and so was his family. Rock cites his family ties. What, that’s a real room? It looks so fake. He helped open the door for Cena. Huh? No big stars came before the Rock? Or after Cena? Oh, early on Rock thought rapping wasn’t an appropriate medium to respond with. Why, because Cena is white Rock? Are you Racist in my opinion? Rock says he’ll address Cena face to face sooner rather than later. Another good promo but he’s leaving doors open. Still can’t shake the thought that this helps Cena in the long run. HBK talks next. Yeah, more talking. Packed show. Spread this shit out guys.

HBK looks like he’s in a real room. Shawn says he has mixed emotions. Shawn talks up both wrestlers. I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure how they’d hype another Undertaker match to make him feel threatened. HHH is the last guy in that category. I don’t know how they’ll do it next year. Miz attacks Daniel Bryan from behind. Bryan doesn’t bleed after Miz digs his heels into his forehead. Weak. Cole doesn’t even condone the attack.Miz did it because he can. He said welcome to the Miz show.

At least they saved Stone Cold for next week. See Rock, you can go on to bigger and better things (sort of) like Austin and still maintain ties with the wrestling community without waiting seven years. Just sayin’. Miz is tweeting a picture of Cena. Time to hop on Twitter.

Cena locks in an STF and doesn’t let go. Good idea. Miz threatens Cena with a chair. A-Ri  gives Cena an electric chair for the commercial break. Still don’t see the picture on Twitter.

Matthews calling out Riley’s drop kick. Wow. It was terrible. Riley taking his grand time getting out of the cage. Top rope bulldog by Cena then an Attitude Adjustment. Miz loses the strength battle (should be the case) but Miz slaps on the Skull Crushing Finale (nice recovery). Good segment. Good show even if it was way talk heavy. – Kevin

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