Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

A very long segment makes me think of long legs, to keep my sanity.

So I watched the mid-main event of Cole/Lawler/Christopher/JR/Swagger so I won’t be able to review it properly. I’ll do a Clif’s Notes version later. I am watching the Rock almost live though. His skit isn’t funny either. You’re just making more money pal. The little child gag is overplayed even by WWE standards. The director cuts to some awful shot. Wow, saying your best guy isn’t talented. Great idea. That’s sarcasm by the way. This segment is brutal. Rock finally turns to talk about the Miz with ominous Undertaker like music. The guy laying down the sound beds needs to be fired. Rock still doesn’t have an answer for the Via Satellite line. I decided to stay up to review this? I made a mistake. Cole Mine. It’s funny but it doesn’t help me take him seriously. Lordy, this segment is going to go longer? I’m one of the few idiots that didn’t think any of the Lord of the Rings movies were too long. This is longer. The Miz doing better than the Rock less than a minute in. Solid work by Miz. Great goodily, moodily. More? Lawler takes over reading the GM’s email. Cena takes on Del Rio tonight. The Miz gets to take on the Great Khali. No Josh, this is not must see. At least they’re going to commercial. One of the longer 21 minutes in my life.

Riley takes the beating so that Miz can whack Khali with a chair. The Great Indian jobber. Another yawner of a segment. Cole hyping the segment I already saw. Christopher didn’t shock the world. Except for how shockingly terrible and bloated he looked.

Wow, none of these live shows are without replays from the other show. I feel like I’m being cheated next week. I’m going to be sitting watching Raw while at Smackdown for at least 20 minutes. Morrison gets a good pop from the crowd. He’s with Snooki. Vickie makes no sense and Dolph has a bad suit on. KSU only taught me good taste.

Sheamus takes on Daniel Bryan for the US Title. Gail Kim is ridiculous. The crowd isn’t doing much for Bryan. Glad he got a sign in the crowd. They’re calling attention to a King of the Ring curse. Nice. The match was OK up until the commercial break.

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Hulk Hogan Tweets about Jeff Hardy, screams “It’s a work, brother!”

"I gotta clean this place up, brother!"

For those of you like me who think this stupid Jeff Hardy thing is a work (awfully convenient that he shows up to yet another PPV too fucked up to dance, as if that’s the one day per month he does all of his drugs at once), according to Prowrestling.net, even Hulk Hogan is Tweeting out his frustrations about all things TNA.

Brother, we’re trying to get everything straightened out. I feel bad about some of the situations that have to be (dealt) with.

I ran this through the Alta Vista Babelfish Hulkster-to-English translator, and it read:

I’m a team player for now, but that Vince Russo brother is an idiot who tried working you fans with this Jeff Hardy ga-ga, and I feel as though he needs to be fired.

And in the time it took me to post the above info, Prowrestling.net (via that Mike Johnson brother) posted that Jeff Hardy was sent home from the iMPACT! tapings today. It’s 1:21 p.m. EDT (or is it EST?); are you seriously telling me that anyone from TNA, roster or employee, is at the iMPACT! zONe right now to even make that decision? This sounds like fake leaked news to stir the pot (from which no one’s eating, so who gives a fuck?), and I only hope the 0.2 drop in ratings this bull honky is sure to bring is enough to “straighten out” TNA’s problems, brother. -Eric

Sting Defeats Jeff Hardy at Victory Road

If you ever wonder why there is such disdain for TNA on this site, we proudly present to you the results of TNA’ Victory Road main-event between Jeff Hardy and Sting. watch it while you can.

Sting defeated Jeff Hardy in one minute and twenty-eight seconds in the main event of TNA’s Victory Road PPV.

One minute and twenty-eight seconds.

Eighty-eight total seconds.

1:28

-Jeremy

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