Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 4/30/11

1. Randy Orton – He’s the big winner of the draft in my book. Despite being the most popular baby face in the company, he was still living in John Cena’s shadow on Raw. Edge’s unfortunate injury has allowed him to move to Smackdown to become the #1 face on the brand. Good luck finding a suitable opponent though. – Kevin

2. Zach Ryder – He may not have gotten moved around during the draft, but the guy is steadily adding more people to his Zach Pack, which includes the whole Stunt Granny crew. Zach was on Twitter for part of the supplemental draft then joined in the fun on WWE.com. Before he got in there, people were talking him up big time. Top top of Zach’s week, he banged out another good Youtube show. He’s working hard to get himself a spot on regular TV. If he gets enough support from the “internet crowd”, even the WWE will have to start pushing him. -Kevin

3. Triple H – According to PWTorch.com, Triple H’s new title at Entertainment Tower is “Senior Advisor in Chairman’s Office.” This is a promotion from “unfunny juvenile prick” and “second oldest guy who still has his 20-somethings ponytail” (we’ll see if Michael Hayes inserts someone in that position in his own Dok Hendrix likeness). -Eric

4. CM Punk – Is he really going to leave us? PWInsider.com says maybe. My computer virus clean-up guy says, “Stop going to PWInsider.” -Eric

5. Joey Styles – If you’re not following @JoeyStyles on Twitter, you’re missing out on quite a few subversive Tweets that promote sexy-ass pictures of WWE Divas during a PG era, mentions of Team Taz when the little guy works for the competition, and a whole lot of “OH MY GOD!” Oh, and for Earth Day last week, he basically said he was celebrating by leaving the water running and clubbing baby seals. I couldn’t love him more if he knocked out JBL one more time. -Eric

6. TNA Knockouts – Anyone else remember when this was the highlight portion of any Impact broadcast? TNA did its best this week to remind us by including two fat broads and a bunch of other women who aren’t over and don’t draw ratings. Ahh memories. -Jeremy

7. R-Truth – This guy makes for some memorably painful television. You have to appreciate the fact they give him plenty of rope and he knows how to construct a perfect noose. Someone backstage has to love this guy or just how bad these segments are to watch. Why else is this mush mouth half tard on live television? –Jeremy

8. Smackdown – After the draft finished it became clear Smackdown is clearly the B show for WWE now. No more illusions of equality. This also means Smackdown could possibly be the better wrestling show. They have good workers and enough fresh blood to make it way more entertaining than RAW. -Jeremy

9. Michelle McCool – So she’s apparently leaving WWE. It was previously being speculated that she was just taking some time off, but now it is being speculated that she is gone for good. Since we here at Stunt Granny all majored in Speculation (class of 2004, huzzah), we are going to go ahead and “report” that here because what are we without Idle Chatter (minored in that). – Dusty

10. The Undertaker – So does that mean he’s gone too, now? Not that he’s… not already. You know? – Dusty

11. 46 percent – During WWE’s annual Shake Things Up A Bit Extravaganza, 46 percent of their on air talent roster changed to the other “brand.” This gives me severe gas and makes my head explosion. – Dusty

Kurt Angle wants to try out for the Olympics. The real, summer Olympics

Don't quit your day job. But keep up your night life! Especially if there are cameras around! Damn!

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle recently told TV station KTAE that he wants to try out for the 2012 Olympics. Jason Powell quotes Angle:

“It’s not just this old man trying to lash out to get publicity,” Angle said.

Right. Kurt Angle, who has licensed his name to some shitty company called Angle Foods and turned that into his Twitter handle; who lashes out against people on Twitter and then, once the pills go down, recants his statements and claims someone hacked him; who used to frequently badmouth his old employer, the much more successful WWE,  until anyone in the press would pick up on it; and who did this “I want to try out for the Olympics” thing at least one other time in the past eight years (notwithstanding his feeble threats to shuffle his broken-down body into MMA), isn’t saying this for publicity. Yeah, and my name isn’t Rhaka Khan. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #139

The annual WWE Draft took place this past Monday. Eric and Kevin are here to drop some knowledge on who could be the next break out star from who got drafted and even if they weren’t in the draft. Will anyone end up treading water because of their move? The guys go on to talk about CM Punk and the recent rumor of his impending retirement. Do we think it’ll happen? Is his spot in the pecking order the real problem? How about his size? Take a trip with us in your ears and find out.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #139

High Jumping

 

Pictured above: 2003 female athlete of the year, high jumper Hestrie Cloete.

High jumping is very important for future professional wrestlers to participate in. – Dusty

Slow News Day: Hulk Hogan does the Chicken Dance

When a fake blind guy and Hulk Hogan doing the Chicken Dance are the top news stories of the day, it nudges us closer to the ledge as we watch our hits tumble down. So at least stick around for a minute and 43 seconds to see Hogan arrogantly shuffle through a standard wedding reception dance, then turn it into Hulkamania going wild before dancing with a cute little Hulkamaniac. It might have been a midget, I’m not sure. (Posted by the Honky Tonk Man on his very active Twitter account.) -Eric

He Can See Us Too

Joe Champion at his hotel before Wrestlemania 27.

In my Post Wrestlemania Round Up article, I had this to say:

Another outfit that we saw was the gentleman who was “blind”. He had on sun glasses, a tap stick and a sign that read “Even this blind guy can see John Cena.” The worst part of this outfit was the fact that he insisted on his friend “walking” him the whole way through the Georgia Dome. If he was my friend, I would have whooped his ass when he came up with the idea.

As you can see in the above picture, Joe Champion stumbled onto our site and was quite cool about me beating up on him. I love that kind of person. You can also see that my memory was a bit fuzzy because I had the wording on his sign wrong. I wish the friend was in the shot because it would recreate what we saw better.  Joe and a friend are running a wrestling school and shows in Florida so give his site a look and contact them at fpwwresling.com. It’s the least you can do for a fellow wrestling fan and hopefully new Stunt Granny reader. -Kevin

SG Poll: Which WWE draft pick is the dumbest for Smackdown?

Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse! Let us know which draft pick received by Smackdown was the worst, and why. Do they look bad in blue? Do they not fit the imaginary “this is the ‘wrestling’ show” credentials? Was that person firmly entrenched in something so captivating on Monday nights that you’re about to throw a rock through your TV set? Leave a comment and let us know!

Kevin’s Blog: WWE Draft Breakdown

The WWE draft is more of a swap than a draft.

The draft has been a joke for a while now. The WWE actually conducted a draft with the original show by having the general managers make the picks. I’m not sure they’ve used that concept since then. The WWE started conducting their draft like a swinger’s party. Everyone puts their keys in a bowl, you pull them out and one can get stuck with the hot or the fat wrinkly swinger. The WWE draft is the same way, everyone is in the pool, one of your brand members wins a match and then you could get stuck with the wrestler that’s the hot act or that’s probably going to get cut.

After making fun of Todd McShay in my Raw Blog, I felt like needed some dumb stats to lead off the review. I did a quick roster count. Minus announcers (I’m including Jerry Lawler as an announcer) and managers of which there is 11, you have 74 wrestlers. 30 of them got moved around plus one manager in Ranjin Singh who counted with Khali. 2 of the picks were “wasted” on John Cena so really only 28 people got moved around. 16 people went to Smackdown and 12 people went to Raw. There were 14 heels and 14 faces swapped. Let’s go to the basic list to start comparing them.

To Smackdown: Randy Orton (face), Mark Henry (Newly heel), Sin Cara (face), Daniel Bryan (face), The Great Khali & Ranjin Singh (face), Jimmy Uso (heel), Alicia Fox (heel), William Regal (heel), Yoshi Tatsu (face), Natalya (face), Jey Uso (heel), Ted DiBiase (heel), Tyson Kidd (heel), Tamina (face?), Alex Riley (heel), Sheamus (heel)

To Raw: Rey Mysterio (face), Big Show (face) Alberto Del Rio (heel), Jack Swagger (heel), Kelly Kelly (face), JTG (face), Drew McIntyre (heel), Curt Hawkins (heel), Chris Masters (face), Kofi Kingston (face), Tyler Reks (heel), Beth Phoenix (face)

Smackdown Analysis: No big surprise that Randy Orton was moved over to Smackdown. The program needed a number one face with Edge’s retirement. Orton had been hitting the glass ceiling around Raw anyway with John Cena. Give him top dog status. Which I find a little strange though because Christian is almost assuredly winning the World Heavyweight Title with Del Rio moving to Raw. There’s no chance of the WWE Title moving to Smackdown which makes me feel even stronger about that happening. Sheamus, Mark Henry and Wade Barrett will be the top three heels on the brand. One would have to think Sheamus will be dropping the United States Title at Extreme Rules since Barrett is the current Intercontinental Champion even though he doesn’t have a scheduled match yet. Sheamus is the only one of the three that can really get into the World Heavyweight Title picture the easiest. He could be the transition champion between Christian and Orton.

After those names, you head to what I said was “potential central”. Sin Cara (hot mess and moved to stay away from Rey), Daniel Bryan (He could beat Barrett to let him move up), Yoshi Tatsu (Was still over the last I watched Superstars despite limited chances), Ted DiBiase (needs to step it up more on the mic than in the ring but some there would help too), Tyson Kidd (Great ring work, in a bigger hole than DiBiase mic wise) and Alex Riley (It’ll be nice to not see him sucking on Miz’s teet). There are 3 faces and heels each so they can quarrel amongst themselves with some help for the faces from fellow draftee William Regal.

Continue reading

SG Poll: Which WWE draft pick is the dumbest for Monday Night Raw?

As you know, we love to stay positive about things here at Stunt Granny, so in a vast departure from that overarching mantra, we want you to tell us which draft move was the dumbest “pick-up” for WWE Monday Night Raw. Any criteria is valid: They don’t look like they belong, they have no one natural with which to feud, they were in the middle of something on Smackdown, they were just on Raw last year floundering directionless, they were just fucking drafted to Smackdown two hours earlier… all ways are the way! Leave a comment and vote!

CM Punk reportedly considering leaving WWE, I reportedly cry

Yeah, well, we love Punk!!

According to the barely reputable PWInsider.com (but don’t tell them I said that, I don’t want a virus), CM Punk has not signed a new deal with WWE and has been considering leaving once his contract runs out. Reasons cited by the crack staff at PWInsider include burnout due to being on the road full-time for his entire contract besides rehabbing a hip (am I imagining things, or didn’t he take some other time off for an elbow, knee or shoulder?) as well as his perceived value to the WWE roster.

Perceived value. Um, right.

Maybe I’m imagining this one, too, but didn’t Vince McMahon force the writing staff to bend over backward coming up with a role for Punk while he was injured to keep him on TV? And wasn’t that role, approved by the boss, the heel color commentator on the highly rated flagship TV show, Monday Night Raw? Yeah, sounds like something WWE would do to someone they don’t value. The article says he isn’t considered one of the “top 5-8 guys that are promoted or pushed.” I understand how one might perceive things as such, but over his career, Punk has been the only two-time Money in the Bank winner, a three-time World Champion (main-eventer or otherwise), gets to cut promos at every imaginable opportunity, and has had two marquee singles matches at WrestleManias on years when he could have easily been lost in the MITB shuffle. Yes, The Miz has become a bit of a poster boy for WWE, but Punk gets to wear “I (Jew star) COLT” T-shirts on TV with zero reported reprimand, for crying out loud! Honestly, Punk, stick it out, for the kids. At worst, you’ll be treated like Rick Rude at the end of his run: a ex-title contender transitioning into feuds the writers put time into. At best, you’ll be the respected veteran you want to be. And at better than best, if you want it, you’ll be thanked with a lifetime contract, because WWE knows you’ll never croak on their watch thanks to your drug-drink-and-sex-free-other-than-the-sex-part straight-edge lifestyle. -Eric

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