The Ongoing Saga Of Sean Waltman

I am very happy that he had a good weekend, as I had a good weekend as well. A weekend filled with WCW shows from 1994, old clips from Howard TV, and chop suey. On the real real, it’s nice to see how good his penmanship is after all the drugz. – Dusty

Smoke Smoke Smoke That Cigarette

Listen. We here at Stunt Granny certainly do not advocate smoking (although you’d be a darned fool to ignore its rich delicious flavor and cool soothing effect it has on people), but we exist to report the news and therefore we know how rare it is for someone to actually be allowed to smoke at ringside.

There was my personal physician, Dr. Havey Wippleman.

There’s the most hardcore wrestler in ECW history, Sandman.

And of course I would be remiss to not mention the hottest female in wrestling  history (in my opinion, which is the only one that really matters), Terri Runnels.

And now WWE has chosen THIS TIME to unveil a new smoking character. And that character is none other than friend of the show, ol’ Kwik Trip himself, Ron Killings!

While I find the first three people listed hella rad,I somewhat question the validity of R-Truth being in such esteemed company. When I expressed my doubts to my super secret insider source, he insisted to me that this was the right man at the RIGHT TIME. – Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I started watching Raw really late.

I don’t act to reinvent the wheel around here but I hope that rolling some of my personal life will bring interest (positive or negative) to my column. I watched the Boston Bruins vs. Montreal Habs, Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning and Pirates against the Cincinnati Reds. All results went went my way tonight. Let’s hope that Raw treats me well. I’m watching with my skeptic buddy Sean so it’s a good time.

The questioning of R-Truth’s water is weird. Everyone in sports does it but for some reason it’s forbidden in wrestling. Weird. What is wrong with this shit? Sean questioning Morrison’s line of attack. I was thinking the same thing. Morrison is dying out there. R-Truth isn’t doing himself any favors. A match ensues and everyone is shocked, including me. What a weird start to Raw. Oh my gawd, they’re going to make this a gimmick? Water drinking?

The announcers bickering is awful. Starship Pain finishes a match much faster than I imagined. Does Morrison turn heel to help himself out? No, not after Truth attacking him. Truth could use not having the “What’s up?” gimmick. I started FFing thru the segment then saw Truth smoking and had to stop. Is this company turning into one giant PSA? How fucking weak.

I approve of the new look of my boy Dolph Ziggler (Obligatory Kent State reference.) Good win but I still wish Bourne would lose less.

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PWO – Season 4 – Episode 8

This episode went by quickly. Find out why beneath the jump.

Joe Dombrowski (quietly) said that Johnny Gargano will be out of action indefinitely because of an attack after the show last week. He throws it to a clip. They showed the end of the match between Gargano vs Bane vs. Fontaine. A man with a ski mask attacked Gargano’s neck after the match. the assailant ran away as Dombrowski practically no sold the assaulter. Oh no, Dombrowski is acting like he doesn’t know if they’re on. I understand the angle. Dombrowski does somber voice while Gargano stays down.

Analysis: I fast forwarded through the end of it. I was bored. I understand the angle but it seemed too scripted. Score: 0.

Bobby Shields came out to take on Louis Linden. Aaron Maguire talks up his man “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine winning the PWO Heavyweight Title. Dombrowski apologized for not concentrating on the match but I was pretty bored. It kicked up a notch just after that with a moonsault by Linden onto Shields on the outside. Shields rammed Linden into the ring post then tossed him back inside. Shields got a two count after a neck breaker. Maguire kept on mentioning old acquaintances of Fontaine’s for possible number one contenders. Shields missed a moonsault which allowed Linden to recover. Linden chopped Shields down. Shields connects with a thrust kick but only gets a two. Linden pump kicked Shields in the face for the victory. Bobby Beverly and Nicki Valentino attacked Linden. Michael Facade and Flip Kendrick make the save after Linden got a triple thrust kick.

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Edge: Absolutely Underappreciated

Edge retiring was one of those “what the hell?” style moments but the signs were all over the place.  In hindsight, of course, his win at WrestleMania should have been a head turner. All signs pointed to Alberto Del Rio winning his first championship and set the mood for the rest of the event. Instead Edge was given one last moment to shine if you will.

Edge had also had a post match speech in Toronto a few months back  telling the crowd he wasn’t sure when or if he would be back again. Yeah he made a small splash on the net but again in hindsight it should have been a bigger deal. Edge is only thirty-seven years old and should have at least four more years in him if you base it off the typical main-event talent in WWE.

The problem with Edge is that he was woefully taken advantage of and thus we all figured he would be available seemingly forever. Kevin said we grew up with Edge and he is right. Edge started during the “Attitude Era” and has been around ever since. WCW soon folded and TNA was never an option so here the fans had a dependable, strong character on television almost all of the time. On top of that he put in good work and his mic abilities grew through out.

Remember the mute Edge? The Brood Edge? The babyface Edge? Remember all the doubters after Edge gave a solid but unspectacular promo at the Raw Tenth Anniversary show? WWE soured on him a bit because of it and that was all from presenting a fake award for a fake awards ceremony. It was at a bar for god sake. You know what else are given out at bars; puke kisses, small tips, herpes, gonorrhea. This has nothing to do with Edge but consider it a public service tip kids.

The best thing that ever happened to Edge was, at the time, the worst possible thing, banging out Lita behind Matt Hardy’s back. Regardless of the waste Matt Hardy has turned in to now that was a rather low thing to do to a self described friend.  He started hitting it with Lita and that made the fans mad at her and in turn it rubbed off on him. This forced him to get stronger on the mic. They had a juicy issue they could get behind even though it was based off of real conflict and real emotions.

Wait, isn’t that what wrestling sort of always does? Only if the talent involved is the right fit. Hell in entertainment for a story to hit on that emotional level you have to have the right people. Imagine Darth Vader played by Meatloaf wearing a biker helmet telling Luke Skywalker played by Gilbert Gottfried he was his father. It fails miserably.  (Why hasn’t then been filmed actually?)

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Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Jeremy and Eric, April 18, 2011

ric flair eating

"Hehehe, you guys are nuts."

Eric: So R-Truth getting a title shot in a three-way has to be a slight on John Morrison, right?

Eric: I mean, Cena vs. Miz vs. Morrison makes sense.

Eric: Miz ganged up on against his hated rival and his former partner.

Eric: Morrison is the up-and-coming star who won (and HAD) a match at WrestleMania.

Eric: And then he pulled the Trish Stratus stuff.

Eric: Yank Morrison out of the plans and take away a) the prestige of the title shot and b) the payday of a PPV main event.

Jeremy: Oh, you got that right.

Eric: But R-Truth?? That’s the slappiest of slaps in the face.

Jeremy: Could have been Santino or Kozlov for that matter.

Eric: Yeah, at least Santino is over, and Kozlov had a feud with Undertaker for a cup of perestroika.

Eric: Who is R-Truth?

Eric: (Saying that always makes me think of that Ric Flair clip on YouTube: “What is TNA?”)

Jeremy: Wow, what happened to Flair?

Jeremy: He looks like garbage compared to just a few years ago.

Eric: Yeah, and a few years ago he looked like garbage compared to a few years before that.

Eric: He doesn’t age… he’s more like a Chinese nesting doll.

Eric: Every three years he sheds his skin, and an older, creepier guy comes out.

Eric: Soon it’ll be George Burns.

Jeremy: 3 of the four guys on this panel are in TNA. All listening to Flair bag TNA.

Jeremy: Awesome.

Eric: Bunch of marks 🙂

Jeremy: Yeah, but they getting a paycheck.

Jeremy: Foley is collecting checks for no work.

Jeremy: How nice is that?

Eric: Very.

Jeremy: TAZ has the hardest job of the three. Sit there and call absolute garbage next to a guy that can’t call matches.

Eric: Be home more often, collect paychecks from suckers.

Jeremy: Flair at least gets to perform.

Jeremy: If you are a veteran wrestler that WWE just simply doesn’t want, then TNA is a great place to go.

Jeremy: Dixie gives you a bunch of money, you “perform” 5 nights a month, and you don’t have to go on the road.

Jeremy: Unless you wanna hawk $20 eight-by-tens.

Eric: What if you’re an entitled asshole like John Morrison? Do you leave the mothership and act like you’re gonna change the world with your Parkour stylings in the lesser wrestling company?

Jeremy: Of course you do cause you are aloof.

Jeremy: You think you will make a difference and make things better for TNA.

Jeremy: Then you can stick it to Vince, who has already forgotten your work.

Eric: Haha, yep.

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