Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I started watching Raw really late.

I don’t act to reinvent the wheel around here but I hope that rolling some of my personal life will bring interest (positive or negative) to my column. I watched the Boston Bruins vs. Montreal Habs, Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning and Pirates against the Cincinnati Reds. All results went went my way tonight. Let’s hope that Raw treats me well. I’m watching with my skeptic buddy Sean so it’s a good time.

The questioning of R-Truth’s water is weird. Everyone in sports does it but for some reason it’s forbidden in wrestling. Weird. What is wrong with this shit? Sean questioning Morrison’s line of attack. I was thinking the same thing. Morrison is dying out there. R-Truth isn’t doing himself any favors. A match ensues and everyone is shocked, including me. What a weird start to Raw. Oh my gawd, they’re going to make this a gimmick? Water drinking?

The announcers bickering is awful. Starship Pain finishes a match much faster than I imagined. Does Morrison turn heel to help himself out? No, not after Truth attacking him. Truth could use not having the “What’s up?” gimmick. I started FFing thru the segment then saw Truth smoking and had to stop. Is this company turning into one giant PSA? How fucking weak.

I approve of the new look of my boy Dolph Ziggler (Obligatory Kent State reference.) Good win but I still wish Bourne would lose less.

Cool Edge flash back. He deserves it. I hope to get to an article about him myself. Jeremy connected more dots than I could have earlier today. Miz comes out for Riley’s match. He’s complaining about the match up changing at Extreme Rules. Evidently they have a cage match. If they mentioned that previously, I forgot. The classic sit in.

Sin Cara has a match with Alex Riley. Cena’s entrance kills the big Sin Cara chant. I guess Sin Cara is getting a rub. I really hope the WWE is getting paid for mentioning the iPAD.

Sin Cara is as sloppy as Kofi. Sin Cara taking a real beating for the first time. Cena came in. Sin Cara misses a splash to win the match. Wow, did he look awful tonight.

Jeremy pooped himself again after seeing another Kong vignette. Evidently the Bellas forgot that the Women’s belt is for both brands. While I talk to Sean about Kong, I miss the pin. Cole gets to interrupt Eve and be knighted. Yay us. (That’s sarcasm.)

Cole introduces Jack Swagger. Swagger gets to declare like the town cryer. Sort of funny but not really. Jack introduces Queen Elizabeth who of course is accompanied by local wrestlers. The WWE shows shots of the crowd who isn’t buying the impostor. Cole kisses her. I’m supposed to feel something. I’m not. Neither is the crowd. The crowd acts up after the insults. Lawler & Ross are to kiss his feet. Of course this isn’t happening.  What a fake foot.  This segment is bad. Bad. Like almost TNA bad. Nothing is that bad though.

Sheamus takes on Santino. Sheamus still looks weird in the odd blue shade he uses in his tights. Sheamus wins a match he should have. Nothing to see here really.

By the way, this blog is brought to you by Great Lakes Dopplerock (7.8% alcohol) I had three of those during the game and am still feeling the buzz. Orton versus Punk with the crowd going for the dual chants. Cole calling Punk’s work “manipulation” is a much better way of describing things than TNA & PWO using “mind control” for some acts. Commercial hits during a regular spot.

Good match after the break. Surprised I’ve made it this late. 1:05 AM and I’m guessing I won’t get the very end of this match up. No over run usually in London so I might get lucky for not taping the next program. Fuck, it did stop. Welcome ending. – Kevin

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