Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

This image came up when I typed in "Oh shit". Who am I to argue?

I typed in “Oh shit” because the Penguins are going to a game seven on Wednesday. Time to do or go home. I can’t say I expected much out of them without Sidney Crosby & Geno Malkin but damn it, I want this first round. I’m almost debating driving there. As the Pensblog will undoubtedly say “Time to sac up.”

Well, actually time to draft up. We start with a battle royal. My buddy Sean as he’s going out the door says “That’s gay.” Couldn’t agree more. By the way, couldn’t be less excited about the NFL draft this weekend. This one doesn’t hold much weight for me either. People are getting eliminated left and right. Why did Mark Henry eliminate himself basically to eliminate Clay? The announcer draft factoids are more mundane than any stat Todd McShay can come up with. We hit a commercial.

Big Show & Kofi for SD take on Mason Ryan & Evan Bourne. This could help Bourne out if he survives. He’s been on a losing streak. Of course Bourne does the worst possible thing, jumping into Big Show’s arms. Mason Ryan loses in a valiant effort, I suppose. He lost a lot of momentum when he got punted. Stupidest draft ever. Cena to Smackdown. I like it. It was him or Orton. He has a history with the Smackdown brand. Cole acting upset is hilarious in a bad way.

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PWO – Season 4 – Episode 8

This review was on hold until Vancouver Canucks vs. Chicago Blackhawks ended in OT.

Joe Dombrowski says that the Sons of Michigan, Benjamin Boone & N8 Mattson, will take on the Homeless Handicapped Connection, Hobo Joe & Gregory Iron, for the PWO Tag Team Championships. Jason Gory is set to take on Corey Winters. Sex Appeal – Bobby Beverly, Bobby Shields and Nicki Valentino – open the card against The Ninja Elite Squad – Michael Facade, Louis Linden & Flip Kendrick. I think the camera man has a thing for cougars. He really zoomed in on a threesome on the prowl.

The match up started when The Ninja Elite Squad is playing to the crowd so Sex Appeal attacked them from behind. It was a six man party to start the bout off in and out of the ring.  Facade dropped to his back to avoid a clothesline then gave a Pele Kick from his back. Cool move. The match finally settled in with Louis Linden taking on Bobby Beverly. Linden made a come back against Shields but it was cut short when he missed a second rope moonsault. Beverly got tagged back in to continue the beat down on Linden. Kendrick got the hot tag. Flip Kendrick pretty much air balled on a pair of spring board back elbows. Sex Appeal did a Three Stooges act on the outside. They then got to be the recipients of spot monkeys. Facade got a two count from a Northern Lights Bridge Suplex. Facade black slid Beverly for the victory. Facade grabs the mic, things are a little quiet again. Facade said he earned a title shot in PWO and he’s choosing to take on Beverly for the TV Title.

Analysis: Logically, I’d say you go for the main title but since you just pinned said champion, I understand Facade’s line of thinking. Any belts a “pay raise”, right? I’m not a fan of the high spots by Aeroform aka Linden & Kendrick. They miss too often and slip on the ropes a lot. They come up with some cool looking stuff but it needs to be executed better. The match was really going well until the point of the high spots too. You just saw Beverly and one of the other guys waiting for Kendrick to come outside.

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Batista claims UFC-Strikeforce merger ended his MMA career (*cough*)

Nope, no red flags here.

According to Prowrestling.net, Dave Batista is claiming that his pending deal with MMA company Strikeforce fell through due to UFC’s purchase of the brand. According to my calendar, my lung doctor and my brittle friend who loves steroids and my friend who lives in reality, Batista’s MMA deal is falling through because he’s 42 years old, he’s an asthmatic with no otherwise obvious cardiovascular conditioning, years of (alleged) steroid use have made his muscles cracklier than oat bran, and he’s not worth the money to any MMA company that he’s been asking for. With Undertaker on his annual and ever-growing vacation, Triple H transitioning further into an office position, and Edge recently retiring due to injury, does this mean Batista would be welcome back with open arms? Maybe, but he’d get gassed running toward the embrace. Offer him 20 dates and a hot angle as The Rock’s muscle leading up to WrestleMania 28 and I bet he’d do it for an inhaler and a clean syringe. -Eric

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