Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 4/23/11

1. 1-2-3 Kid – The King of Trios tournament in Chikara Pro Wrestling has been the talk of the town, and Sean Waltman, aka 1-2-3 Kid, has been the talk of the talk of the town. Glad he got over his hepatitis long enough to wrestle, have some fun, entertain the nerds, Tweet about being in a wheelchair in the airport after the weekend, and still have time to plan an intervention for Scott Hall. – Eric

2. Scott Hall – I bet enough people remember Scott Hall that an NWO reunion on A&E’s “Intervention” would draw a decent rating. “Did you guys come here to watch… dogthebountyhunter? Or are you here for the hot mess we call the….” *crickets chirp* “One more for the good guys.” – Eric

3. Jay Lethal – Lethal was the latest new-generation wrestler released by TNA — on his god damn birthday, no less — because they have fuck-all for management and foresight. Maybe I’m in the minority, but if I had money to blow to start a wrestling company, Lethal would be a top-10 pick, for sure. He’s 25 years old, he’ll outgrow the Black Machismo costume, don’t worry. – Eric

4. Sin Cara & John Cena – Sin Cara got a big chant going for himself but John Cena killed it because the whole audience doesn’t like him. I’m not sure why the WWE continues to let Cena give “rubs” to people. Cena is a huge star, just don’t have him do this aspect of his job. The WWE should also note that some wrestlers can get over without speaking a word like Sin Cara. – Kevin

5. Johnny Gargano – He’s been a staple of Pro Wrestling Ohio but is now “out indefinitely”. In the mean time, he’s in EVOLVE and got big wins over Jon Davis and Chuck Taylor to become the wins leader in the league. He’s got a couple of big mentions on Twitter (@JohnnyGargano). It’s only a matter of time until TNA or the WWE comes calling but for the time being I hope to see him back in PWO since I can actually watch that show. – Kevin

6. Stacy Keibler – I saw her when she was on Chuck recently. Now she pops up on Tough Enough to help with the cheer squad routine. Many people wondered if Stacy was making her way back into the WWE. According to her interview on MayhemNightMayhem.com, she will not be coming back any time soon. Evidently because she has so much in the works according to her iMDB page. – Kevin

7. Matt Hardy – Matt Hardy claimed he had a broken arm after Lockdown. Turns out it was just strained from bench pressing forty-seven thirty-pound containers of Mint Chocolate Chip Double Fudge Ice Cream with deep fried pork rhines in to that gape he calls a mouth. -Jeremy

8. TNA Lockdown – What a perfect PPV. You put a bunch of older wrestlers you can’t fire for fear of paying off large sums of money, in a cage and let them do all sorts of dangerous moves in the hopes one of them hurts themselves so severely you can cut their ass for not being able to perform. Who says TNA has no heart? – Jeremy

9. Signs at wrestling shows – If I had any type of control whatsoever, I would ban signs completely from wrestling shows. I think they are ridiculous, unnecessary and a bother to people who just want to come to a show to actually watch the show, and not just look at the back of your idiotic sign all night. However, if you put a gun to my head and forced me to allow signs under a condition, I would make that condition for you to have to be able to spell properly. Please. – Dusty

10. Superstar Billy Graham – So the Superstar is all butthurt now because WWE decided to put Abdullah the Butcher into their total fake, completely arbitrary Hall of Fame because Abby is a garbage wrestler or something. Abby meanwhile is confused about all of this, justifiably so since he can probably still, to this day, main event any indy show in the world, and has helped Graham financially over the years as well. Lesson learned: the only words that come out of Graham’s mouth are nonsense words. – Dusty

11. The Ultimate Fighter 13 – Not necessarily wrestling related, but everyone reading this should be watching this season of TUF on the reg, if only to count how many times Brock Lesnar uses the phrase “turn chicken shit into chicken salad.” – Dusty

In Case You Missed It: Losers Jonny Fairplay, Michelle Deighton on “Dr. Phil”

Jonny and Michelle watch their segment.

Do you like to see ugly white trash who are clearly meant for each other air their dirty laundry in public but don’t have the time or stomach to go to Walmart? Well, my friends, that’s what daytime television is for, and that’s exactly what “Survivor” megastar and Bruce Mitchell’s best friend Jonny Fairplay and his praying mantis-looking wife and “Tough Enough” wolf-cryer Michelle Deighton have come to. The physical mismatch made in psychiatry heaven appeared on “Dr. Phil” this week as part of a “celebrity couples don’t get along” episode sure to shatter the ratings barrier. They went back and forth, slinging bent arrows that probably make their shit-show relationship stronger in ways only ex-stripper-hookers and overconfident johns really understand, until Dr. Phil mercifully went to commercial. Maybe I need to go on “Dr. Phil” as part of the “uncontrollable desire to slap two people I’ve never met and prefer not to meet” episode. -Eric


Stunt Granny Audio #138

Motley Crue definitely approves of R-Truth.

This time around it’s Kevin and Dusty to give you tidings of great audio joy. They start out by critiquing their colleagues Eric and Jeremy with what they got wrong in the previous audio. They talk about the happenings on Raw concerning R-Truth and John Morrison, and how simply cool it is to smoke cigarettes. Who do they think is going to win this season of Tough Enough? Will Rima win it, be the next one eliminated, or somewhere in between? Will Eric Watts get his head out of his ass in time to realize they actually want him to win this thing? Who is Christina? They talk about who might be going to Raw and who might be going to Smackdown in the upcoming WWE draft. They also give an in depth analysis of the drug scene in TNA. All that and so much more, so please listen. And please smoke!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #138

Classic wrestlers show it’s a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake

"Where are my royalties, brother?!"

If you’re a long-time listener of the Stunt Granny Audio (and even all the way back to the DEJ Audio Experience), you might remember my roommate/cousin Megan occasionally interjecting herself into the shenanigans, often screeching an imitation of our half-cow, half-pig, all-trash roommate saying, “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEEEAN?” Well anyway, Megan is two things: an Internet fiend and a friend of friends. So when she sees goofy shit like this, she forwards it onto me because she knows I’ll appreciate it.

A seller on Etsy.com has created these… I don’t even know what, prints? Collages? Whatever you call them, they’re pieces of art that portray classic WWF and NWA wrestlers in poses and situations involving baked goods, primarily cake and cake decorating. Check them all out, they’re hilarious. The Andersons, the Genius, Rowdy Roddy Piper wrestling a frosting container? They’re all here! Is this news? It will be once Hulk Hogan finds out someone else is profiting from his likeness. Or once Jake “The Snake” Roberts barrels into this woman’s home office because he misread “cake” for “coke.” -Eric

"Wallowing in the muck of vanilla icing."

Jay Lethal Released By TNA

Fuckin figures.

UPDATE: The news of Jay Lethal’s release came on April 21. According to Wikipedia, Jay Lethal’s birthday is April 21. Burn in hell, TNA.

So Jay Lethal apparently wasn’t good enough for TNA any longer. According to PWInsider via ProWrestling.net, TNA has released the former X-Division champion. Of course he will be better remembered for his stint as a Macho Man tribute act.  So, what to make of this?

Really, it is TNA so who cares but Lethal is a young guy that has plenty of years ahead. He should have been valuable to TNA but he isn’t Eric Young, Rob Terry, Orlando Jordan, Abyss, Crimson or one of those easily confusable jackass security guys.

Releasing Lethal, regardless of if he asked for it or not, speaks to the bigger problem with TNA; they have no clue how to utilize their talent. Sure Lethal will never be a main event player but he is young and has the talent to make for a compelling mid-card act. He could have been a staple of their X-Divison but it is clear they don’t care about that. He could have been a player for the television title but there are no clearly defined rules for that belt anyway so it wouldn’t have mattered actually.

Here is the one idea no one will mention; WWE needs to get him on the next season of Tough Enough. No not developmental or NXT, they need to get him on television in a controlled environment and see if they can mold a personality for him. See if he sticks. If he wins it, great, if not, nothing lost and he can go to ROH or Japan.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #137

Oh it’s the “Asshole Edition” of Stunt Granny Audio for your ear buds mother humpers. Eric and Jeremy come at ya and get right in to the problems plaguing this great country. What the hell is with these coupon hoarding weirdos? Why do we placate children when they contribute nothing to anyone? Anyway, they then get around to talking R-Truth and John Morrison. What the hell was going on Monday night anyway? Smoking and water consumption? Who approved that crap? They then turn their focus to Dolph Boring, formerly known as Ziggler. After they are turn expressing their emotions it is on to some Tough Enough talk. There is a lot and it is offensive and fun; just the way you want it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #137

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Dusty and Eric, April 20, 2011

One of these things is very fucking plainly not like the other...

Dusty: ‬I’m smoking three packs of cigarettes at a time right now and I have a question to ask you.

Eric: Hahaha! If I can understand it through all the hacking and coughing, then yes.

Dusty: What? Fuck you man, smoking is rad. Anyway, ‬I always run old wrestling angles by Becky to see what she thinks of them from a logical perspective or whatever‬. I was telling her about the whole NWO and I think we talked about this before, but she thought it was stupid for them to think they could take over the entire company, and that they should have just been like, we’re talking all of your guys belts, since we’re better wrestlers than you.

Eric: ‬Hmmm‬…

Dusty: ‬So the NWO should have been five guys, one for each title, and all WWF guys except for one big turn‬.

Eric: ‬Interesting.

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