Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Party in Miami!

So they start with the Patriot Opening. I’m a little surprised but not by much. Nice to see  Lilian Garcia. Good singer. Bad career choice still. No one can chant “USA” like a wrestling crowd. Poor Josh Matthews has to go from that tribute to the Rock’s Birthday party. Cole gets the easy sell with the Championship match. I’m having to explain too much to my friend Sean. He’s suffering by not watching the Bruins. He’s too lazy to leave and watch them elsewhere. Rock goes from tribute to regular promo. The GM loves to interrupt the Rock. Rock gets to play games with Michael Cole just like old times. Cole going for the cheap boos. How pathetic and obviously pre-planned. The GM is going to shut down the Party if the Rock doesn’t apologize. Cole wants an apology too. Rock goes for the hand shake. Does Cole fall for this? Why are there two big Sin Cara masks in the background? Cole gets Rock Bottomed and Elbowed. Pitbull comes out. He’s a rapper, right? I guess not. Dance music, huh? Interesting choice. What a long segment. They’re going to need to take 15 minutes of commercials.

I’m definitely going to half ass this show by flipping to the Bruins/Flyers. R Truth attacked Morrison before the match. Morrison is a good guy to pick on to get heat. R Truth gets a big cheap shot in on the ramp. Back to commercial.

It’s hard to flip away from the game. I love close games in the playoffs with overtime looming. So did Kharma chose Smackdown since she attacked McCool? Nope. Why is KK still in there? So Kharma is a face? I kind of like the intrigue. Miz explains why Riley can be on both shows.Miz is going to be champ again. Good for him.

Samuel is making himself look older just by wearing that outfit.I love the fake party. Nice way to pimp his movies. Ron Simmons rules! More commercials.

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PWO – Season 4 – Episode 9

The Flatiron Building in New York City by Daniel Burnham. Read the final analysis to find out why I used this picture.

Joe Dombrowski and Aaron Maguire introduce the show. Joe tells us that Bobby Shields versus Raven is the main event. Dombrowski mentions that “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross was on another national TV show (Tough Enough). He questions how good Maguire’s connections are to help Marion Fontaine’s chances in the title match by getting rid of Cross. Maguire dodges the questions by going to the ring to celebrate with “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine. Fontaine brags about being at the top of the company. Fontaine admits that Maguire is his business associate. Maguire said that he’s thrown everything at Jason Bane but his best investment against him has been Fontaine. “The Megastar” starts badgering Justin LaBar. Fontaine says that LaBar giving him a hard time helped to inspire him to the PWO Title.  Fontaine rips LaBar for sitting behind a computer. “The Megastar” says that Bane needs the PWO Title to be PWO’s most dominant man. Dombrowski notes that the main event next week is Jason Bane against Marion Fontaine for the Title and previews the rest of the show.

Analysis: Dombrowski, Fontaine & Maguire covered a lot of ground which I think hurt the segment. It was a bit of information overload. I don’t think it was necessary to include LaBar into this spot because the rest of the information was history between Bane & Maguire or Fontaine & the Company. By the tone of Fontaine’s comments, I got a good feeling that we’re going to see LaBar in the ring at some point. Yuck. It’s good to lay out the previews of the show but having previews before and after the in ring promo was bad. Put them at the beginning or end. They also could have just stuck to this week’s show and just hyped the Title defense later in the show. The information was conveyed well enough but not the best work from any of them. Score: 0.

Matthew Justice is backstage. He talked about feeling good with a tag team (with Raven) victory over Krimson and Jason Gory. He said he’s going to march into the mouth of hell that Krimson vowed to unleash on the PWO. Justice finish by saying “I’m young. Metal. And ready to attack.”

Analysis: I’m not a fan of many of the tag lines on this show. This one bummed me out more than usual though because he did a great job with the material leading up to it. Score: +1.

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Hulk Hogan challenges YOU to get fit, brother!

They *could* be forcing you to eat *this.*

Want to lose weight but can’t find the time, money, motivation, advice, supplements, energy, closest gym or sleeveless shirts? Is your role model someone — anyone — other than a shrinking, balding, orange, self-aggrandizing rich piece of white trash in whiskered Hollister jeans who couldn’t keep his family glued together with 10 tons of Honky Tonk Man’s Brylcreem and a thousand prayers to the big man above? And have you ever even fucking heard of Body By Vi? Well, don’t let any of that shit stop you! Hulk Hogan has signed on as the official celebrity mustachioed face of the Body By Vi Challenge; in 90 days of drinking some shitty meal replacement shake, you too could look completely average like the nobodies at the bottom of this Web site.

And the least-average-looking person of the bunch wins the Hogan Transformation Vacation, including a free Hollywood vacation (where no one looks the least bit normal, either), a free cruise (where you’ll probably eat undercooked shellfish and puke your remaining guts out for six uncomfortable days and seven diarrhea-filled nights), and — get this — personal time with Hulk Hogan and the Body By Vi trainers! If you’ve ever wanted one photo, one high five, and a complete brush-off by the Hulkster himself, now is your chance! Sign up today! (Syringes and Ed “The Mule” Leslie sold separately.) -Eric

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Jeremy and Kevin, May 3, 2011

Finally!

Kevin: Just getting around to Extreme Rules results

Jeremy: Underwhelming; Glad I didn’t order

Kevin: I was just going to look at results when the Bin Laden news hit. It does seem underwhelming. I’m happy for Christian. How glad is he that he left TNA?

Jeremy: Maybe should save this but it would have been better without Edge

Kevin: They’ve been so intertwined, it’s hard to argue with the choice  and Christian was being attacked 3 on 1. He needed some help.

Jeremy: See it appears like a default instead of earning it. He only got it because of Edge retiring. He only won because edge interfered. There was also the inevitability of him winning due to the draft.

Kevin: Yeah, there was no doubt in my mind with Del Rio headed to Raw.And yeah, Edge would have kept the title if he wasn’t forced to retire. Impossible to get around that Del Rio to Raw was probably in the books to happen so they needed a baby face champ and Christian was the only one on SD that fit that description.

Jeremy: Yup, hence have the draft tonight dummies.

Kevin: Definitely. Haven’t they done that for a couple of years now? You’d think they’d learn their lesson; boring PPV because they’re all predictable outcomes. All baby face victories except Layla.

Jeremy: Yeah cause Layla wasn’t a face or heel. If McCool is leaving then I guess Layla is the face? I am confused. Then Kharma comes out and destroys Michelle who is the heel so is Kharma a face?

Kevin: That was a bigger train wreck than normal in the women’s division. No one felt sympathetic for anyone even though Layla was trying to “do the right things” like therapy and giving a shit.

Jeremy: Heels doing therapy to me just screamed hate. I guess since it was two women or some comedy tag team, Headcheese comes to mind, that they considered it to be good on Layla’s behalf.

Kevin: They kind of half assed the blame game. Layla didn’t really cost them much and neither did Michelle. Normally, someone pulls the wrong leg, hits their friend with a chair, etc. It was all incidental contact that kept costing Layla matches.

Jeremy: But in WWE no one owns a DVR or, um what are those other antiquated recording devices that even the homelsss consider toilets? VCR’s?

Kevin: One would think since all the leagues pimp Twitter, that they’d acknowledge the existence of technology. People stop being friends for a lot of reasons. Come up with a different one

Jeremy: Jealousy is always the easiest or resentment but there was nothing there.

Kevin:  Which is the other point, if you’re going to keep going back to the same well, at least have something there

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