Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Jeremy & Eric, May 3, 2011

L to R: Randy Orton, Hornswoggle, a hanger-on and John Cena, enjoying lunch.

Eric: OK, just read the Smackdown spoilers and  I can’t say I’m surprised and here are my initial thoughts.

Eric: One, for those dolts out there who still use the term “transitional champion” incorrectly, that’s exactly what Christian was. They knew Edge was leaving, they wanted to get the belt on Randy Orton, and they used Christian to transition the belt from one to the other.

Eric: Two, even the most diehard, Brood-loving, five-second-posing Christian fan had to see this coming. With John Cena as champ on Raw, leaving the belt on Christian for Smackdown would have been like keeping an extra world title on Hacksaw Duggan or the Big Boss Man in 1990.

Jeremy: Kevin and I talked about this and I pointed out it didn’t seem like Christian earned it. Sure he has been around forever but he was given the title so they could avoid the headache of Alberto having it on raw with the WWE title.  McMahon has never held him in high regard. He returned, redebuted whatever on ECW with no fanfare. Someone held in high regard doesn’t do that.  He hasn’t been treated as a top player, um, ever.

Eric: Well here’s one of the tricks with Alberto: He’s not over at world-title level yet, but he could be. So giving him a belt now seems forced, too.

Jeremy: Having Alberto beat Christian would have tainted his first title victory.

Eric: But giving him a belt just to take it immediately away would tarnish him when he can’t afford to be tarnished and when he’s worth more than that in the future.

Eric: So does this confirm that Christian will never be more than the No. 2 babyface on a roster?
Jeremy: I am wondering if he is going heel. That will have to wait until Friday though to see how he reacts after the loss.  Would they pull another R-Truth?” I have no issue with the title swap but I don’t like the timing Even if they did a three way match with the others then have the winner go to the next PPV. See if Christian has an ability to sell tickets and PPV buys.

Eric: Doing that and testing that water would at least allow them to rationalize a turn, a promotion, or a demotion.

Eric: But
A) When do they rationalize anything, they’re so impulsive.
B) That would be “too Raw,” having a three-way with Orton, Henry and Khali to see who gets a shot at Christian.
C) They get the shock factor here.
D) Randy Orton is “tried and true.” (Although seriously, what buyrate or house has he ever drawn? None.)

Jeremy: Agree on the Orton but then we see the merchandise he sells. So guarantee the champ on house shows sell some t-shirts. But I am not going to be outraged Christian lost the title. I remember Mick Foley saying he had no issues with his one day title reign nor should Christian. He got a title and then lost it.

Jeremy: Christian just doesn’t have the look of a main-eventer for WWE as well.

Eric: Not really. He’s a 37-year-old who still looks 20, so he’ll never have that authoritative veteran look to his face. He’s not particularly well-built, he just kinda looks like a dude.

Jeremy: Yeah he looks like a bicyclist. And if his name isn’t Lance Armstrong no one gives a shit about Bicyclists

TNA to change name! (of its TV show… bunch of backward hillbillies)

"Meeh meeh meehhh Impact WRESTLING! Meeh meeh meeh I look like a dead animal! Meeh meeh meeh I haven't deserved a play-by-play job since 1997!"

According to, TNA will change the name of its two-hour cable television show from the obnoxious but totally Russoesque iMPACT! to simply Impact Wrestling. Apparently there is some confusion throughout the Internet Wrestling Community (or L.O.S.E.R.S., for short) as to whether this was a name change for the TV show or the entire company. But really, think about it: TNA upper management is in no way smart enough to see how god-awfully stupid their company name is and how limiting the name is to their growth. So we’re down to analyzing changing the name of the TV show, which is essentially like polishing a turd. You can doo-doo in someone’s mouth and call it a “glory bomb,” but it’s still just doo-doo in the mouth. You can call it a sexually transmitted infection, or say someone’s “developmentally limited,” but they’re still a retard, and they still have gonorrhea. (You decide what order those go in.)’

So, now we wait for the moment when Taz says “Welcome to Impact Wrestling” and ol’ Owl Face Mike Tenay shouts, “And the emphasis is on the WRESTLING! Oooh, that was stiff! I know what HE means!” followed by a 15-minute promo with Kurt Angle and his mistress, the perpetually fucked-up Chyna. T-N-A! T-N-A! -Eric

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