TNA to change name! (of its TV show… bunch of backward hillbillies)

"Meeh meeh meehhh Impact WRESTLING! Meeh meeh meeh I look like a dead animal! Meeh meeh meeh I haven't deserved a play-by-play job since 1997!"

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA will change the name of its two-hour cable television show from the obnoxious but totally Russoesque iMPACT! to simply Impact Wrestling. Apparently there is some confusion throughout the Internet Wrestling Community (or L.O.S.E.R.S., for short) as to whether this was a name change for the TV show or the entire company. But really, think about it: TNA upper management is in no way smart enough to see how god-awfully stupid their company name is and how limiting the name is to their growth. So we’re down to analyzing changing the name of the TV show, which is essentially like polishing a turd. You can doo-doo in someone’s mouth and call it a “glory bomb,” but it’s still just doo-doo in the mouth. You can call it a sexually transmitted infection, or say someone’s “developmentally limited,” but they’re still a retard, and they still have gonorrhea. (You decide what order those go in.)’

So, now we wait for the moment when Taz says “Welcome to Impact Wrestling” and ol’ Owl Face Mike Tenay shouts, “And the emphasis is on the WRESTLING! Oooh, that was stiff! I know what HE means!” followed by a 15-minute promo with Kurt Angle and his mistress, the perpetually fucked-up Chyna. T-N-A! T-N-A! -Eric

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