Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Our desks looked a little bit like this back at Kent State.

I am starting this well past the end of Raw. I went out with a friend from architecture school tonight to catch a band. Good stuff for chilled out, folk music. I’m looking forward to Social Distortion much more tonight. The big talk of the night was the Pirates (He’s from Pittsburgh too) going over .500. It’s early in the season. I’m fine with celebrating though. The last time they were .500 for a season, I was just getting my license. I’m getting old. Go Bucs, even if they finish sub .500.

We start with the introduction of Alberto Del Rio. He tries to make his case. Rey interrupts and makes his case. Miz comes out and makes his case. We love lawyers in this country, right? When does the “judge” aka the Raw GM chime in? R Truth comes out for some reason. Truth says Morrison is in the hospital.Maybe the story Jeremy posted was true. I’ll believe it when he’s out for more than a week. R Truth sucks as a heel too. 3 heels to one face is a weird combination. The judge shows up finally. Truth gets the shaft. I’m guessing he assaults Rey to get a feud if Morrison is on the shelf. Truth’s crazy face is making me laugh. I wish I had a screen cap. Miz runs down the new Raw guys. Rodriguez interrupts Miz. Nice.

The Bellas take on Eve Torres & Kelly Kelly. They can’t advertise what number Kelly Kelly is on the Maxim Hot 100 because it’s not high enough for WWE standards. KK won, Kharma is the main reason for this segment.  The Bellas are the smartest Divas. Eve gets gets her ass handed to her. Kharma runs off KK. The women’s division still sucks. So much for my thought that Eve competed with her size wise somewhat.

Replay of Mason Ryan’s feat from last week. Kane takes Ryan on. I laugh when the fan tells CM Punk “That was a bitch kick.” Show knocks out Punk. Otunga & McGillicutty rush the ring and get tossed. The big guys get their mojo back a little bit. Another I’m wrong moment, Zeke is getting repushed on Smackdown. Maybe if I read spoilers, I’d known before Dusty & I recorded.

Vickie introduces Ziggler who gets to have a cheap win over Santino. Still weird they keep Dolph up there without him going anywhere. My boy drilled that drop kick. Another commercial? Starting to feel like last week.

After recapping Smackdown, Ken Ober (I know it’s not him but he reminds me of him for some reason) asks Truth about earlier. Truth is not getting any better with the time they’re giving him. He’s going to be taken seriously. When he goes intense (without the cross eyes) he’s good actually. Commercial. I’m going to be done by 1 AM.

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PWO – Season 4 – Episode 10

Two Title matches tonight, but which one changed hands? Find out after you click "Read More."

We start with Pedro DeLucca in the ring. Krimson comes to the ring for a match with Jason Gory on a leash. Matthew Justice is his opponent. After some early jockeying, Justice knocks Krimson to the outside with a running high knee. Justice with a pescado onto Gory & Krimson. Justice then whipped Gory into the guard rail by way of the leash. Justice suplexes Krimson on the mat then rolls Krimson back into the ring. Krimson kicked the ropes as Justice went for a spring board. Krimson gave Justice an STO (Poorly). Krimson chopped Justice several ways. A small package by Justice got a two count. Krimson caught a kick then kicked Justice’s leg. A forearm to the face got Krimson a two count. Justice gave Krimson a spring board back elbow. Krimson unloaded on Justice who hulked up. Justice ended the offense with a second rope back elbow. Krimson clotheslined Justice in the back of the head while he was on his knees. After a big boot by Justice, Gory yanked the referee out of the ring. Justice attacked Gory which allowed Krimson to hit the Witch’s Wheel (Roll of the Dice) for the victory. Krimson & Gory assaulted Justice. They left the ring after strangling him with the leash/noose.

Analysis: Justice has really stepped up the quality of his in ring work. He used more mat based work while getting in some high flying spots too. Krimson held up his end of the bargain for the most part. Score: +1.

They preview the main event of Jason Bane versus “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine for the PWO title. Up next, was Michael “The Bomber” Facade taking on Bobby Beverly for the PWO TV Title.

Brian Bender was talking to someone off camera. He said that he was going to reinvent himself. Bender had “The  Big 3”. They were “Eating right, training right and living right.” Bender is going to prove that it works because he’s going to give it to someone who needs it, Brian Castle.  Bender can’t get Castle to stop waving at the camera. Bender tells Castle to let the PWO audience get to know him. Castle introduced himself then said he was there to win, maybe. Bender said he was going to have a lot of work to do.

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Shane Helms may have been drunk when he crashed his motorcycle

I mean, he drinks and hangs out with weirdos, sooo...

On the latest Stunt Granny Big 11, Dusty was kind enough not to skewer Shane Helms too much given his recent motorcycle accident. I mean, poking fun at Shane Helms is like making fun of a retarded boy. No, there is no analogy here, it’s literally making fun of a retarded boy. Have you heard this guy talk? Have you seen the company he keeps? Putting a mongoloid on a two-wheeled motorized machine is like giving a gun to a chimp, except when someone gets shot, you get to blame the chimp. If anyone was cruisin’ for this kind of bruisin’, it was free-wheelin’, backwoods livin’, Shawn Michaels-hatin’ Shane Helms. But oh, how the plot does thicken: Now, according to Prowrestling.net, Helms’s accident is being investigated as a DUI. So Helms, who could probably get a contact high off his buddy Jeff Hardy (or a contact cavity from Matt), according to a witness allegedly chose to drink, get drunk, ride his motorcycle with his girlfriend on the back, fly through a stop sign and crash into a chain-link fence. (Do we need a “Stand back, there’s a Hurricane coming through” joke here?”) Dusty said over IM that, in response to whorry Velvet Sky soliciting donations for Helms’ recovery, Shawn Michaels ought to write a check to him for one dollar and include a note that says, “You obviously need this much more than I do. Love, Shawn.”

OK, he might need more than a dollar... (Credit TMZ.com)

And on a side note, what is it with this motley crew’s luck with ladies and accidents? Shane Helms gets drunk and nearly kills himself and his girlfriend on a motorcycle ride. Jeff Hardy stashes drugs in his home with his girlfriend, and his house burns down. Matt Hardy dates Lita and, when she sees his penchant for chocolate and sewing, dumps his womanly ass for a real man. It’s a good thing no one would touch that scumbag Shannon Moore with a 10-foot pole or we could have another dual-gender tragedy on our hands. -Eric

"Hey, watch it!"

John Morrison Hurt?

So it looks like John Morrison is either really hurt or is playing up the storyline in the Internet Universe.  John Morrison tweeted (ugh) that he was about to go under to have a neck injury fixed. Don’t believe me? Well check out his tweet.

You’ll notice though that he included an “at” mention to Ron Killings. So this does sort of throw authenticity in to the air?

If this is legit then this has to be the first WWE wrestler to go under the knife for neck surgery since they toned down the style right? Morrison’s gimmick is based off his high risk, high flying style so when he comes back, depending on if this is real or not, does he change? Does he have it in him to tell an actual story without all the pretty flips and constant over shooting of Starship Pain?

And if he is really out do they finally sandbag R-Truth or allow him to feud with, um, Chris Masters? Superstars is still on WWE.com so that should be good enough. -J

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