Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Our desks looked a little bit like this back at Kent State.

I am starting this well past the end of Raw. I went out with a friend from architecture school tonight to catch a band. Good stuff for chilled out, folk music. I’m looking forward to Social Distortion much more tonight. The big talk of the night was the Pirates (He’s from Pittsburgh too) going over .500. It’s early in the season. I’m fine with celebrating though. The last time they were .500 for a season, I was just getting my license. I’m getting old. Go Bucs, even if they finish sub .500.

We start with the introduction of Alberto Del Rio. He tries to make his case. Rey interrupts and makes his case. Miz comes out and makes his case. We love lawyers in this country, right? When does the “judge” aka the Raw GM chime in? R Truth comes out for some reason. Truth says Morrison is in the hospital.Maybe the story Jeremy posted was true. I’ll believe it when he’s out for more than a week. R Truth sucks as a heel too. 3 heels to one face is a weird combination. The judge shows up finally. Truth gets the shaft. I’m guessing he assaults Rey to get a feud if Morrison is on the shelf. Truth’s crazy face is making me laugh. I wish I had a screen cap. Miz runs down the new Raw guys. Rodriguez interrupts Miz. Nice.

The Bellas take on Eve Torres & Kelly Kelly. They can’t advertise what number Kelly Kelly is on the Maxim Hot 100 because it’s not high enough for WWE standards. KK won, Kharma is the main reason for this segment.  The Bellas are the smartest Divas. Eve gets gets her ass handed to her. Kharma runs off KK. The women’s division still sucks. So much for my thought that Eve competed with her size wise somewhat.

Replay of Mason Ryan’s feat from last week. Kane takes Ryan on. I laugh when the fan tells CM Punk “That was a bitch kick.” Show knocks out Punk. Otunga & McGillicutty rush the ring and get tossed. The big guys get their mojo back a little bit. Another I’m wrong moment, Zeke is getting repushed on Smackdown. Maybe if I read spoilers, I’d known before Dusty & I recorded.

Vickie introduces Ziggler who gets to have a cheap win over Santino. Still weird they keep Dolph up there without him going anywhere. My boy drilled that drop kick. Another commercial? Starting to feel like last week.

After recapping Smackdown, Ken Ober (I know it’s not him but he reminds me of him for some reason) asks Truth about earlier. Truth is not getting any better with the time they’re giving him. He’s going to be taken seriously. When he goes intense (without the cross eyes) he’s good actually. Commercial. I’m going to be done by 1 AM.

Miz & Riley are in the back.  Riley pleads his case. Miz calls him stupid. Riley is going to prove his love to the Miz. Riley takes a long walk, the crowd finally boos when he comes to the ring. Isn’t he on Smackdown? Why not just fire McIntyre and Swagger right now? I mean, he’s taking their time. It’ll help improve those financial numbers having to pay two less over priced Superstars. Cena versus Riley, why am I watching this? I’m an idiot and need context to judge the WWE’s decisions. Riley got his ass handed to him like he should have.

We get even more Michael Cole. And Lawler. Another match. Lucky us. Cole doesn’t take the bait. Maybe we are lucky. I get the point of what Cole is saying but it sucks. It’s a bad promo. Cole goes straight asshole with the Mother’s Day bit. It’d be mean and funny if you didn’t see this coming before my birth. Swagger gets TV but still looks a big dumb ape who can’t act.

Evidently it’s the US Title on Raw. My friend Tim asked me which belts were where and I couldn’t remember the difference between the US & C Title. My HD TV is worth more than either of those titles. Cole might be OK if he was just heel instead of cheer ’em on heel.

Cole root, root, roots for the home team. Getting tired, it’s 1 AM. Lawler distracts Swagger which causes him to lose. Lawler rams Cole against his mine with his tie. I think it might go better if it were just Matthews & Cole. Go Lawler & someone else on Smackdown. Not Booker T. We do get Cole vs. Lawler for the 3rd straight pay per view. Lucky us.

I FF through the intros for the main event. Broskette of the Week and Raw is Ryder signs, sweet. Normal pre-commercial break fodder.

Fun near fall on Miz by Rey. Wow, Lawler had to mention the referee’s name. Rey on fire until Del Rio takes over. Cross arm breaker. Rey resists. Miz plants Del Rio with a DDT. Miz gets kicked out of the ring sort of mule style by Rey. Chioda  looks right at Riley as he yanks Del Rio out of the ring. I made fun of PWO for this happening twice. Chioda, you’re my boy but you fucked that up. Miz gets another match against Cena. good choice, build up Del Rio on Raw with a win over a lower guy. Cena picks an “I Quit”  match. Miz looks concerned. Good thing I flipped to Tough Enough after Raw. Truth attacks Rey. I’d say that is confirmation that Morrison is legitimately hurt. -Kevin

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