Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Get it, hefeweizen!

No witty introduction this week.  I went out with some friends and had a couple of beers (Elevator Brewing Company Heiferweizen from here in good old Columbus). One of them is heading to Iraq as a contractor but that isn’t sparking me for a picture so I’ll wait until the inspiration hits me.

A-Ri interrupts Cena. He calls up Anti-Cena video. Good for him. He introduces the Miz. He goes for the cheap Spurs heat. Good for him. They do a good job of making Riley being well dressed but Miz looking sharper. Cena does the dumb jokes that make older gentlemen hate him.  Ahh, serious turn Cena. I really dug when he talked about seeing the fear in Miz’s eyes. Miz gets to deliver a dumb line after the GM’s ruling. Commercial?

Kofi takes on CM Punk. He needs some ring time after Ryan got all of it the past 2 weeks. Cole did a good job of defending Punk’s credentials. Then he says faith drives your life. Faith doesn’t drive my life. A want to be better does. To make more money does. Not faith. Kofi rightfully misses the high punches. GTS. Good win. Punk gets the mic. Nice to have a mission statement. Now if they actually push them. I mean Otunga & McGillicutty could be a tag team but that’s dead horse made into glue territory. Ryan gets a middle level push, get the US Title from Kofi maybe.

Poor Matthews has to hype the Women’s division. No twin magic so no win. Shocker. Kharma is looming. She  locks in on Kelly Kelly. Only one Bella does after her. These are two dumb broads. Plant a kiss on her! Kharma just flicks her on the head. Weird. The fans don’t know how to act but she’s getting some response.

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PWO – Season 4 – Episode 11

You've got to love the intestine liner.

Pro Wrestling Ohio decided to start with a replay of “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine slapping Justin LaBar after dropping the PWO Title to Jason Bane. Joe Dombrowski congratulated Bane but he quickly went to ripping on on Fontaine and apologizing to LaBar. Dombrowski said that Fontaine’s apology is coming next week. He said that no one should strike a fan and the fans shouldn’t strike the wrestlers.

Analysis: Solid way to cover your ass if you’re worried that a fan will do something dumb to a wrestler. Dombrowski goes over board with the indignation but that is the way of wrestling. Score: 0.

Dombrowski (after being backstage) is at ring side and introduces Vic Travagliante as his color man because Aaron Maguire is incapacitated. Sex Appeal vs. Aeroform is the main event to be the number one contender for the PWO Tag Team Titles. Benjamin Boone takes on Ben Fruith (Couldn’t be less excited) and Shima Xion takes on Matthew Justice to be in line for a TV Title match.

Xion versus Justice is immediately up. They both look to be in great shape. They talked about Krimson and his plans for the PWO Title. (I think he’s the only guy that matches up physcially with Bane so it’s a good choice.) They started with some basic moves and reversals. There were a couple of of botched moves. It led to Xion finally taking over the match.Xion suplexed Justice and only got two. He attacked frustrated then posed while hair spraying himself. Xion rolled through a sunset flip and kicked Justice in the chest. Xion gave Justiece a bear hug from behind.  Justice elbowed his way out then power slammed Xion but couldn’t capitalize. Justice did his best Cena impersonation. Xion locked in a cross face. Justice rolled out and gave Xion a Death Valley Driver. Xion kicked out at two. Xion turned a springboard into another cross face which forced the tap out. They hyped the main event again. (Enough already).

Analysis: Well, I mentioned Justice signing a WWE Developmental deal so I figure this win by Xion is a way to get someone over who’s sticking around. Xion has been good when he has been around which has been infrequently in the past. Let’s hope he sticks around because he can add something good to the roster. Good match outside of the pair of botched moves. Score: +1.

The Homeless Handicapped Connection (Gregory Iron & Hobo Joe) were telling Ben Fruith that they are his friends. Iron tells him he needs to be more aggressive. Hobo Joe told him to talk trash. Joe cuts a promo about how he’s going to slice open Benny Boone and put N8 Mattson inside of Boone. Iron told Fruith that he talked to the producers and Fruith is allowed to drop any words he wants to. Fruith then said he strongly disagrees with Mattson & Boone’s beliefs. Iron & Joe are disappointed but they tell him it’s a good start.

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Kurt Angle garble garble pills garble Olympics just humor him

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle is still blabbering on about how he’s training for the 2012 Summer Olympics. At age 42. With a withering body and a permanently screwed-up neck. Sounds like a plan, Stan. Let’s listen in on his interview with Busted Open, wrestling’s ONLY twice-weekly afternoon insider satellite radio show…

I started training [for the Olympics] two weeks ago. I’m not allowed to really talk about but I’m gonna make a formal press conference in August.

Most people aren’t allowed to talk about things for legal reasons, not because they’re full of shit.

I don’t want to quit wrestling because that’s getting me to where I can get my Angle Foods where I need it to go.

So pro wrestling is a stepping stone to launching a product line of shitty food via a Twitter handle (@AngleFoods1) from which you bitch about other wrestlers using your moves and then hours later, once the haze has passed, you claim someone “hacked” your account? Looks logical to me.

Jeff [Hardy] made a mistake. If he was going to take any form of, let’s say, sleep medication… he probably should’ve waited an hour before he did that.

Expert advice from Dr. Angle.

Jeff has been clean for the last month…

Says the guy who wouldn’t know clean if it shot him in the butt cheek with 20 cc’s of Angle Foodiness.

The primary takeaways from this interview are that he still loves wrestling, as long as it’s on his own terms, which stem from being with a company that will stupidly pay him an exorbitant amount of money to hardly ever wrestle in front of a paying crowd, all while the ratings he helps “draw” teeter between 1.1 and 1.11. That and I could probably try out for the Olympics, too. I just can’t talk to you about it here. -Eric

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