Ted DiBiase talks WWE Smackdown, Randy Savage, his sons with Iowa newspaper

million dollar man

See, he *looks* unassuming...

In a story published in today’s Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier (hey, I was a copy editor at that paper for three years!), writer Amie Steffen (hey, I used to work with her!) interviewed “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase about the WWE Smackdown house show this Monday, May 30, at the McLeod Center in Cedar Falls, Iowa (hey, I used to live there!). (That still doesn’t give me the go-ahead to republish this copyrighted information, but what are they gonna sue me for? They only paid me $13 an hour, it’s not like I have money.) On the devious tactics he may employ when he comes to Cedar Falls:

I might be offering somebody money to do push-ups, I might give someone 500 bucks for dribbling a basketball. … That’s the thing about me. When I show up in town, you never know what’s gonna happen.

The last time I saw him in Waterloo was at the National Wrestling Hall of Fame Dan Gable Museum, where he blew past a mentally handicapped boy who was trying to say “hi.” But that’s neither here nor there. About his son, Ted DiBiase, Jr., getting into the “family business” of professional wrestling:

He’s been good. I mean, he came out of the starting blocks pretty fast.

That’s all he was quoted as saying, which is code for, “He’s not one-tenth as good as I was. I treat him like that retarded boy at the hall of fame.” And on the passing of Macho Man Randy Savage:

Randy was a very big part of my first and second year… I enjoyed him. He was a pro, a real pro. … He was 58. I mean, I’m 57.

Oh shit! Does that mean I have one year to draft a post titled, “Ted DiBiase, 58, trampled by angry mentally handicapped mob”? Wow, sorry, I guess that event really rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe because that handicapped boy was… me 😦  -Eric

Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag

In our ongoing effort to provide you up to the minute Randy Savage news, we turn to our old friend Jason Powell:

There is an ad on Philadelphia’s version of Craigslist for a man who wants to dress up like Randy “Macho Man” Savage and perform a variety of his signature wrestling moves on a woman dressed up like Elizabeth. The man even claims to have purchased several Elizabeth style dresses.”The job is as follows,” reads the listing. “I will be dressed and acting as Macho Man Randy Savage and you will be acting as Miss Elizabeth. I come out to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ and once I’m done entering the ring we will improvise an argument. You will slap me across the face and then I will [perform various wrestling moves]…

“Don’t worry about getting hurt. I have been practicing on a dummy and I have made a ring in my basement with 4 mattresses and ropes. You are also allowed to bring any amount of people with you to watch the show so you feel safe. They are allowed to make signs and cheer along to add to the match’s atmosphere.” To read the listing, visit Philadelphia.Craigslist.org. [Thanks to the Dot Net reader who sent this item]

Powell’s POV: He’s been practicing on a dummy in his basement!!! The guy is willing to pay $500 in most cases, but up to $1,000 to women who look like Elizabeth. If any readers take him up on the offer, I would love to be one of the people who accompany you so that I can bring signs like “Depraved Horny Loser,” “Castration Candidate,” and “Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag.” Please let this air via online pay-per-view.

I used to wrestle the couch cushions at home when I was a kid. I never dressed like Randy Savage while doing it, though. I had a Ric Flair robe, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOO! – Dusty

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