Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag

In our ongoing effort to provide you up to the minute Randy Savage news, we turn to our old friend Jason Powell:

There is an ad on Philadelphia’s version of Craigslist for a man who wants to dress up like Randy “Macho Man” Savage and perform a variety of his signature wrestling moves on a woman dressed up like Elizabeth. The man even claims to have purchased several Elizabeth style dresses.”The job is as follows,” reads the listing. “I will be dressed and acting as Macho Man Randy Savage and you will be acting as Miss Elizabeth. I come out to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ and once I’m done entering the ring we will improvise an argument. You will slap me across the face and then I will [perform various wrestling moves]…

“Don’t worry about getting hurt. I have been practicing on a dummy and I have made a ring in my basement with 4 mattresses and ropes. You are also allowed to bring any amount of people with you to watch the show so you feel safe. They are allowed to make signs and cheer along to add to the match’s atmosphere.” To read the listing, visit Philadelphia.Craigslist.org. [Thanks to the Dot Net reader who sent this item]

Powell’s POV: He’s been practicing on a dummy in his basement!!! The guy is willing to pay $500 in most cases, but up to $1,000 to women who look like Elizabeth. If any readers take him up on the offer, I would love to be one of the people who accompany you so that I can bring signs like “Depraved Horny Loser,” “Castration Candidate,” and “Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag.” Please let this air via online pay-per-view.

I used to wrestle the couch cushions at home when I was a kid. I never dressed like Randy Savage while doing it, though. I had a Ric Flair robe, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOO! – Dusty

Instant Kharma’s Gonna Get You

So like, I have a question for internet fans. What is more likely to take a woman nine months: recovering from a back injury, or a pregnancy? Because like, I’m just wondering, you know? – Dusty

Kurt Angle looking to win gold medal in freestyle delusion

To paraphrase Cracker, the world needs another reality show like I need a hole in my head.

Kurt Angle on twitter said that he would be doing a reality show which would be based on him training and trying to qualify for the Olympics in wrestling. Angle would be 43 by the time the Olympics take place. He said he would officially announce his return to amateur wrestling competition in September. This probably won’t go well, at least as far as Angle doing well at the competitive level.

I also want to point out, for no particular reason whatsoever, that the Olympics does drug testing. – Dusty

Ric Flair said to the judge, “I’ve been framed!”

And the judge said, “Yeah, you like an eight by ten!”

Ric Flair was charged today with contempt of court in a ruling issued by Superior Court in Mecklenberg County. Flair had agreed to pay Michael Bochicchio and Highspots Inc. $35,000 and autograph 300 pictures by 4/29 in a settlement for money Highspots claimed was owed to them by advancing Flair money. The court believed that Flair had the assets and income to where he could afford to comply with the agreement and had failed to do so. The order is that Flair can be put in prison for up to 90 days as long as he remains in contempt by not paying what was owed. Unless he complies with the terms of the agreement, he would be ordered to prison on 6/27

While the fact that Ric Flair has turned into this total mess of a human being is enough to make me want to grab my head in frustration, I also have this here website in which schadenfreude is the order of the day. And schadenfreude is going to win that battle every single time. – Dusty

Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out

chyna

Yowza. According to Prowrestling.net, Chyna has made an “extremely graphic porn” movie called “Backdoor to Chyna,” starring herself and two male leads. Because at this point, the bar for porn is set so high that you absolutely must have three lead actors, or it’s hardly worth stealing from a bit torrent site and eating a bag of Cheetos with your other hand, m i rite? As you may remember, in 2004, Chyna and her then-boyfriend Sean Waltman released a semi-produced sex tape they titled “1 Night in China,” where X-Pac stuck his X-Coc in about any hole he could dig to Chyna. If I recall correctly, a review posted on SomethingAwful.com likened an anal sex scene featuring Chyna’s heavily pimpled ass to “someone shaking a large pepperoni pizza off their arm.” Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?

This news comes weeks after TNA brought in Chyna to play the part of Kurt Angle’s mistress. Let’s see… bestiality jokes are too easy… clouded judgment due to too many pills, nah… John Piermarini is to Kelly Kelly as Vince Russo is to Chyna? Maybe. Let’s just all agree that it’s good Chyna finally got her act together, until the opportunity to get railed by two guys in front of a camera crew and work out her daddy issues came a-knockin’. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio Show #143.5

I shall fuck up their show!

It’s that time again, yes time for a Stunt Granny Audio Show. They boys talk all sorts of madness this week as they cover the big story as well as the strange. Just why is Kharma out over nine months? What does this have to do with Hugh Grant? Is Triple H’s reputation taking a hit already? And that is all. Somehow our audio recording program fucked you, our loyal audience, out of our take on Randy Savage, Over The Limit PPV, Monday Night Raw and other incredible goodness. So, instead of scrapping the entire show we are giving you what we have so listen. It’s something to listen to at least. Fuck.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #143 and a half

Stunt Granny Poll: Which pro wrestler is best known in mainstream America?

This is the start of a larger conversation the Stunt Granny crew is currently having via instant message. (Did I say “currently”? Because I meant “after business hours.”) This is also a small chunk of a larger list of wrestlers whose mainstream acceptance and recognition we intend to discuss soon. We just want to get your thoughts on a few of the outliers (or in Hall and Nash’s case, outsiders). The wrestler(s) who gets your vote is the one whose name Joe Q. Sixpack would most likely respond to with, “Oh yeah, that wrestler,” as opposed to, “Who in the hell are you talking about, hillbilly?” As always, leave a comment!

(Author’s note: It didn’t even click with me that this same discussion is happening in the Bruce Mitchell Zone of the PWTorch.com VIP Forum, and that thread started because of a Bruce Mitchell Audio, to which I don’t listen anymore. That’s OK, multiple perspectives are welcome. And the Ultimate Warrior does belong in the discussion.)

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