TNA star Matt Morgan to appear on old MTV show “Made”

Douche hair? Check. Glittery MMA shirt with dress pants? Check. Flowers in background? Double check.

According to PWTorch.com, TNA star Matt Morgan will appear on an episode of “Made.” The show still airs on MTV, but under the Viacom media umbrella, CMT has picked up a version of the show aimed at adults. Morgan appears in an episode where a 28-year-old police officer attempts to fulfill his dream of becoming a TNA superstar. Other people who have had that same dream include White Trash McGee, Dipshit Reynolds, Big Shirtless Ron, and Abyss. Lesson to be learned: If you dream of being a WWE superstar, work your way up through the ranks, then try out for the highly rated, critically acclaimed “Tough Enough;” if you dream of being a TNA wrestler, go to the same show where fat girls get dressed up as prom queens.

In other news, my band, Hold For Swank, has had original music used on similar reality shows, such as “Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” “True Life,” “Cribs” and “Parental Control.” In fact, 11 of our songs have been picked up for nearly two dozen episodes of these shows and more. This alone makes us better than Matt Morgan. -Eric

Sweet mother of christ: Jay Lethal is just collecting a paycheck

Captain Fucktard to the rescue!

Thanks to Prowrestling.net posting a link to the All Wheels Wrestling Facebook page, I had the wonderful fortune to view this vision of Americana, this purple mountain majesty, this, this… this stupid fucking bullshit. OK, I don’t know the entire concept of this AWW thing, but let me take a stab at it: TNA producers saw a chance to make a little money creating a program for the Speed channel, the content of which would be aimed at racing fans, so they grabbed a few (*cough*minority*cough) quick-moving wrestlers, including former and recently released TNA stars, and made them the “team captains” who will lead more wrestlers in some sort of series for some sort of dime-store trophy.

And this is what they chose for Jay Lethal.

You know what? Good for him. He’s wrestling and he’s collecting a paycheck. (And I’ll just assume he’s not signing up for food stamps.) But man… I’m not lying when I say I had a 600-word blog entry worked up about how, if I had all the gold in Spain and a network timeslot to fill with a pro wrestling show, I would hire Jay Lethal on the spot. I guess I shouldn’t say that Lethal’s stock has gone down in my eyes, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at J.R. Montoya, the American Man O’ War, the same way ever again. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio Show #149

It’s the Asshole Edition (or is it?) of Stunt Granny Audio: Jeremy and Eric are here to give their take on the CM Punk promo from this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw. What have others, including Dusty, Kevin, and Dave Lagana of I Want Wrestling, said about the promo? What made it effective? What made it shocking? What made it par for the course with other worked shoots of the past? The boys discuss those interviews of Brian Pillman, Jim Ross, Paul Heyman and Joey Styles – what worked, what didn’t, and whether or not they drew money. Also discussed are Randy Orton’s recent radio interview, Linda Bollea being a huge c-word, and Koko B. Ware revealing the brains behind him bringing his macaw, Frankie, to the ring. All this and not much more when you click to listen!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #149

Wrestling (and barely wrestling) marriages crumble: Hulk and Linda, Fairplay and Zorak

Grow a set!

Linda Bollea was recently interviewed by MiamiHerald.com about her new book, “Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes,” where she sounded off about her ex-husband Hulk Hogan’s alleged infidelity (well, when you’re with a washed-up hag like Linda and your hot daughter is trotting her hotter friends around the house, whatcha gonna do?) and how Hogan’s broken-down body couldn’t keep up with Linda’s… needs (shudder).

I was in a long, stale marriage for so long. Wrestlers have injuries. They’re not able to go and do. My husband had so many knee and hip problems. He couldn’t ride a Jet Ski, go skiing, ride horses. Now I’m with someone who can keep up with all my Italian energy!

Gross.

Filming actually kept our family together longer than it would have lasted. Terry and I were barely talking, and he didn’t look at me in the eye. I didn’t know at the time he was doing Christiane in our bedroom.

There ya go, brother!

Ever the expert, Linda also spends time in her book giving advice to women who may be similar situations (that is, being rode-hard leathery hags with gargantuan professional wrestlers for husbands):

If things are bad, don’t turn a blind eye. Don’t stay because it’s safe or scary out there. Don’t make excuses for your own unhappiness. Grow a set and move on!

Yeah, ya’ dumb fuckin’ bitch, grow a set! Slam a beer and bash him over the head with the bottle! (Wow, the white trash landfill doth overflow.)

In other white trash, V-level celebrity gossip, Jonny Fairplay and “America’s Next Below Average Model” Michelle Deighton have announced their split. (But they looked so happy on that beacon of great TV, “Dr. Phil”!) According to Prowrestling.net, Fairplay Tweeted this gem:

“Yes, I am separated,” Fairplay wrote on his Twitter page. “Michelle was served with separation papers on Friday. I wish her the best in her future endeavors.”

I would post more, but I’m so doubled over with laughter about this wrestling nobody’s inside joke about “future endeavors” that I might go vomit into a fucking toilet. Whatever, you troll, go find another stripper and woo her over the breakfast buffet. Make a baby and name it “Hot Rod.” Blecch. -Eric

CM Punk is “back,” Waltman and JBL love him, Hogan’s ex makes Warrior look like Ed Leslie

Ma'am, the difference between you and Nicole Simpson is people know who the hell she is. Was. Whatever.

(NOTE: Make sure you check out the Stunt Granny Audio below!)

According to Prowrestling.net, the “work-shoot” angle that has been CM Punk’s recent challenge for the WWE Title has taken various twists and turns thanks to WWE.com. First, Punk’s bio was removed from the Superstars roster page. Then, WWE.com noted that, despite Punk’s “suspension,” he’d made good on his promise to appear at various live events. I am very happy (maybe even proud) that we all got past the “whoa, is this real?” scuttlebutt (this ain’t 1996, folks) and moved onto liking this angle for what it is: A) Punk’s chance to shine and B) WWE allowing the curtain to be pulled back a little on that idiotic daughter and doofus son-in-law. (And C) a chance to mention Colt Cabana on national television again, which is probably good, since his new Web show ain’t gonna pay the bills.)

Also according to Prowrestling.net, both Sean Waltman and JBL have posted video blogs praising Punk’s promo on Monday Night Raw. Waltman has posted some fun, breezy videos on Facebook (check it out here), and over the years, JBL is proving himself to be less of a complete prick and more like Old Biff from “Back to the Future,” that uncle or family friend you love to hate and who probably really does know it all but doesn’t always need to give you a noogie to prove it (check out JBL’s Facebook page here).

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Linda Bollea accused ex-husband Hulk Hogan of abusing her throughout their marriage, saying she would ask him what was for dinner, and he would wag his finger at her, punch her three times, give her the big boot and legdrop her off the countertop. Hahaha, nooo, no, that’s not really what she said. Linda said Hulk was always on drugs and throwing chairs and that she feared for her life. Whoa. That’s harsh. I’d rather take the legdrop. This, of course, is all to promote her new book, “Wrestling With the Hulk,” which was released yesterday. Hopefully she also released the location of her hairdresser and tanning salon, because WOOF, you’ve got a cosmetic lawsuit on your hands, Big Bird! -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #148

Oh shit, we’re back one more time for you people with audio number 148. Dusty and Kevin are your early entry, high upside, long length hosts this time around. Herein we talk about CM Punk’s worked shoot and the ramifications thereof. The internet is aglow with buzz about this, but was it really 100 positive? The cru delves into the logistics behind it, and whether Vince McMahon was guffawing backstage while it was happening. Is Punk really done after the pay-per-view, or is he going to stick around? Can he actually extract a good match out of John Cena? Can Cena raise his game after working consecutive programs with the Rock and Punk? Also, the gang talks about Chavo Guerrero’s recent release from WWE. What dark secret did he hold over the McMahon family that he had to ask for his release in order to actually be released? Or did they simply forget he was still on the payroll? Also, who will win the College World Series, where will Jaromir Jagr finish his storied career, and a whole lot more, so just fucking listen, dammit.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #148

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

What does this picture have to do with Raw? Absolutely nothing.

I’ve recently been amused on Twitter by the guys from The Pensblog doing #Jagrwatch, which is an amusing way of lobbying for the Penguins to rehire Jaromir Jagr. I decided I’d do some similar shenanigans and try to get #JeffHardyWatch trending while he is awaiting his verdict on his drug trafficking charges. You try to mimic lyrics, crack jokes or find numerical patterns and apply them to Jeff Hardy. My latest tweet: Carolina barbeque is not served in prison. #JeffHardyWatch. I may as well mention it on the site to continue my futile efforts to get more people to follow us. I haven’t been able to mention Twitter on things like the Big 11 because we’ve all been assholes and slacked off on that duty. Time to spin the wheel and try to make Raw a big deal. I’ll be live in no time since I’m starting at 9:20.

Booker T gets to spin the roulette wheel all night. HBK comes out to start things off. He couldn’t stay away. He’s still not getting in the ring. He goes with the DX shameless plug. CM Punk saves us. Mason Ryan suffered an injury over the weekend. Did I miss some news or is this a story line? I love Punk ripping on the addictive personality and losing in his last match. HBK can always pull the Super Kick out of nowhere. Punk gets the first match of the night. Mystery opponent for all of five seconds. Kane and they at least admit he’s from Smackdown.

According to Cole’s logic, which makes sense, no one would ever wrestle until the pay per view. Punk gets counted out because wrestling sucks.

Bourne vs. Sin Cara has to wait until Booker does another intro for the match. Cow girl Eve is smoking. No count out. Booker tries to sell the stip. No one is buying it. Sin Cara is tightening his stuff up some but he’s still sloopy. Bourne even has to put over Sin Cara. I wish Bourne were in an ethnic group or from another country. Del Rio, Sheamus, McIntyre, Sin Cara, Jinder Mahal & Great Khali have been given better pushes and far less jobs. Vickie interrupts Kofi and spins the wheel for him. Player’s Choice and Kofi bans Vickie from ring side. They make good on both botched matches from last week. I guess they did have legit problems last week. Sorry WWE.

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