Flair’s people address Grantland.com article

This man can smile today because while he does have alcoholic cardiomyopathy, he does not have alcoholic cardiomyopathy.

Have Figure Four’s people call my people:

Flair’s representative addresses the recent story

The following is a statement released by Ric Flair’s Agent, Melinda Morris Zanoni, of Legacy Talent and Entertainment, LLC:

“Mr. Fliehr has declined to comment on the “Grantland” story published this week, as he has consistently with media inquiries regarding legal affairs. While the information gleaned from courthouse records may be credible, Mr. Fliehr is currently evaluating his legal options with respect to falsehoods in the story, specifically the untrue statement that he suffers from alcoholic cardiomyopathy. Our client understands that these allegations are part of the territory when you are not only famous, but a living legend. Ric Flair is a sports entertainer, which has been a lifelong passion that he still enjoys delivering to his fans today, along with his work outside of the ring with various charitable causes. We will be sure to advise Mr. Fliehr against running for County Treasurer and instead to continue entertaining his millions of fans all over the world as he has been doing for the past 35 years.”

Well, that solves that then. Oh wait a minute! http://books.google.com/books?id=wMItEY4Z_SYC&lpg=PT439&vq=cardiomyopathy&pg=PT439#v=onepage&q&f=false

Through my many years of partying, I also developed something called “alcoholic cardiomyopathy,” a weakening of the heart muscles. I first detected that there was something wrong when my heart began skipping beats. I went to a cardiologist friend who told me that when your heart pumps, it expands like a rubber band. But mine was doing it too much. Initially, I thought that steroids might be responsible, but the doctor dismissed this theory. My heart was fluttering from thirty-five years of hitting it hard.

Oops. – Dusty

Matt Hardy super duper grateful on Twitter, and golly gosh, he’ll be back better than ever!

According to Prowrestling.net, Matt Hardy tweeted a million thank-yous to a million people, like a great actress accepting her Academy Award (except that Matt Hardy is a bad actor, a bad wrestler these days and kind of a schmuck by all accounts).

Thank you all SOO very much for all the support you’ve given me thru this hard time, like a Phoenix, I will rise above this all!

Here’s what Matt Hardy has in common with phoenixes: Ashes. As in, at the rate he’s going, Matt Hardy is likely going to die soon. And see, this goes right back to what we repeatedly point out: Every time this mush-mouthed, lazy-eyed sack of shit falls on his bloated face, he insists he’ll “rise above,” or it’s “not the last you’ve seen” of him, or that we shouldn’t “bet against” him. Sorry, I’d put my money on Lieutenant Dan in a hopscotch contest before I bet on Matt Hardy.

I have so many people to return calls to, text, DMs, & e-mails as well, and I eventually will.

You oughta, you have nothing else to do except eat Wendy’s and do drugs.

I appreciate the support from Jeff, Beth, Shane, Karen, My Dad, My Mother in heaven, my friends, My beautiful girlfriend Rebecca Reyes, Mrs. Dixie Carter, and all of my family, friends, fans. I love you and appreciate your support and prayers more than you could ever imagine!

In case you hadn’t heard yet, Matt Hardy has a girlfriend.

It’s really sad to look at the things that make up the entirety of Matt Hardy. If this rat Reby left him, his soul would be crushed no matter how many times he’d tweet “Matt Hardy still won’t die!” If someone cut off his Internet access, he’d probably slice his wrists before he got a library card. And since he got fired from TNA, he’s already been hospitalized once, and it’s not like you’re hearing about all of the bookings he’s picked up. So that’s Matt Hardy in a nutshell: a girl, the Internet, and pro wrestling. And Little Debbies.

Oh no… *now* I know why I hate him… he’s just like me!!! *sob* -Eric

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