Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli – All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan – Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… – Eric
3. Matt Hardy – OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. – Eric
4. The Rock – He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions – Why hasn’t the question been brought up more – neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting – Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. – Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I'm appreciating edges. Yes, I'm an architecture dork.

I decided to work on this column since it’s going to be a quiet night at the home stead. I might still work on a preview article for Night of Champions after this is over. I keep promising to bring back my old articles of the Art & Architecture of Wrestling. We’ll see.

Edge does a pretty standard “Thank You” speech. Cody gets to interrupt. Cody delivers most of the time. Why did he forget to mention that he won at Wrestlemania though? That’s a big one there Mr. Rhodes. Edge picks on Cody’s one good quality. He still won’t do much because of his size. Ted DiBiase making a come back of sorts. That attack did as much for Ted as just about anything else in his career.

Sin Cara takes on Daniel Bryan. Cole is talking about lighting a fuse under Bryan. Are they finally moving on for hating on him for being a Vegan and a dork? I hope so. I do agree with Cole about the jockeying for spots. Last week was the first week in a while that I liked Smackdown more than Raw. They’re back in development phase on this program. As I babble, commercial hits for the match.

I’m trying out a new technique here. All segments will be bolded per Eric’s suggestion. Since the match is continuing, no bold on this paragraph. A good match ends with Sin Cara kicking in Bryan’s head. Wow, the camera should not have zoomed in on Bryan lifting himself just enough to get his legs out of the Tree of Woe. Mistico shows his sloopy mug. After seeing them face to face, how could anyone not notice the change? I thought he was thicker but he’s a good couple of inches taller too. Oh goody, time to FF through a taped segment on SD. That could be why I liked Raw more. I’ve been to mostly SD tapings which have less action as a whole.

Zack Ryder complains and Teddy Long lays down the no contact rule. Woo Woo Woo, don’t blow it. Nice. Aksana gives Teddy a massage when Trish shows up. AJ gets to have her ass kicked by Beth Phoenix. Cole complimenting Kelly Kelly. He becomes a different announcer on SD. Beth gets a mic. I’d like the promo more if she didn’t start dressing more like the “Glamazon” as Jeremy said to me on the audio earlier this week.

Sheamus video package. Edge and Trish are having “fun” when Christian comes walking in. The one more match gimmick is kind of funny. Zack skips in too. Nice of Trish to call him the Internet Champion. I did not watch his new show today.

Wade Barrett & Christian take on Sheamus & Justin Gabriel. Wow, there are a lot of Sheamus signs. I really can’t believe the one that said “You can’t blame us for loving Sheamus”. Dear lord, people even love these dumb Irish yarns. He even rhymes and people cheer it. Nothing happens except Gabriel beat down before the commercial.

I flipped to check in on the Boise State at Toledo game. What a circus catch to end the first half. Through the receivers hands, off the defender’s head and back into the receivers hands. Best part, the announcers don’t say anything about it and pretend like it was a great catch. Good pass, lucky reception. Gabriel gives Sheamus the hot tag. Brogue kick leads to the 450 splash. Wow, that’s quite a statement for Gabriel. Christian working the chicken shit heel well. Gabriel has a lot of range with that 450 after seeing the replay. FF thru another video package. That one was for Mark Henry.

Heath Slater gets to job to the Great Khali. Booker, gah, no, not CCR. Thank you Cole for correcting him. What the fuck did I just type? Mahal attacks Khali while Slater helps. Slater ends up taking the brunt of the punishment. Mahal should give Slater a sister for that save.

CM Punk & HHH video package. Kofi & Evan do their cheese dick entrance. R Truth & Miz sing “You Suck”. This might be the first good rhyme Truth has ever had. As much as I’m enjoying their team, I prefer them as singles so I hope they lose on Sunday. Wow, I’m a bit surprised by Truth winning too. Beth then this duo are being pushed hard which makes me think neither are winning. Mark Henry video package.

Cutting Edge starts. Mark Henry comes down first. Randy gets the first question though. Cool little logo in the lower left. Orton pulling the “Not Good Enough” card because of the no championships. I like it. Edge jumps on it. I dig Henry owning up to that fault saying that he has new focus. Orton calls him a failure. Edge is playing his part perfectly. He bails. The “locker room” aka jobbers empties to try and break it up. Orton takes a couple of them out then gets hammered by Henry who then cleans up the remainder of the “locker room”. Henry is also looking strong. I’m not sure I’ve seen a crop of challengers that have been pushed this much. Awesome ending. -Kevin

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