Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Sometimes, nature has a plan of it's own.

I wanted to start on time tonight but a number of things held me up. Not leaving the office until 7:00 PM was one of them. Having to do grocery shopping after that didn’t help. Tomorrow won’t allow me a chance to do that since I’m going to see Amy Schumer, who is a riot. If I find her clip from the Charlie Sheen Roast, I’ll post it. I just don’t feel like searching for it right now. Plus it’d seem out of place this early in the post. The above actions caused the most recent delay. Thank goodness I don’t need to use some silly Japanese toilet. I will mention for those people who follow my Pro Wrestling Ohio reporting, they had their season premiere last night. I didn’t watch it because I was too busy watching a way too close game between the Steelers and Colts. Unless something happens with both lines, the Steelers won’t last as long as I thought they would. Back to PWO, I’ll try to post that review later this week. For now, it’s Raw time. Let’s roll.

Booker looks as giddy as a school girl. Lots of hype to start the show. I feel like music hits now to begin the proceedings not announcing the main event. Trips starts us off. I didn’t see that bit by the Miz & R Truth on Good promo. The music for the apology is ridiculous. Trips fines Mark Henry. Vickie interrupts as HHH is giving a mission statement about doing what is right for the company. Ziggler doing the heavy lifting on the mic again. Rhodes joins the party. Trips keeps offering good advice. Ah, Christian gets to be the last one at the party. I hope. Lawsuit talk. Thanks for boring us to death. Christian gets 3 matches, Ziggler defends against Zach Ryder. Rhodes insults HHH then gets a 10 man battle royal. Weird. That isn’t punishment to me. Who loses their title that way? Even that worthless I.C. Title.

Drew gets ganged up on. No surprise that Rhodes flees to the outside. Both Sin Caras get tossed. Sheamus and Zeke take out a pair each then go toe to toe. Rhodes gets to “toss” Zeke so he can look impressive. Sheamus is distracted by Christian so that Rhodes can retain. Christian attacks him to aid his heel bona fides.

Cole runs down JR then King. Otunga has a bow tie & a button down. Johnny Wooden Voice is still on TV. What a woofer and then fluff on Kelly Kelly. I’m glad I grabbed a beer already. Then a commercial break. Are you trying to get us to check on the game?

KK & Eve take on Natalya & Beth. Nice press slam for the ladies. Natalya with a cool ass submission. Booker explaining basic tag team action with the 5 second rule but Cole isn’t even understanding him and calls it cheating. If you have 5 seconds to attack someone who is killing your partner, you do it especially when adhering to the rules. Beth finally gets the win.  Henry comes to the ring and they are probably going to commercial. Henry gets to destroy the Great Khali. We are lucky. (That’s sarcasm.)

Wow, when Cole calls you “an albatross” about a heel (Jinder Mahal), you should fear the next phone call. Henry clocks Khali then gives him the World’s Strongest Slam. Impressive. Better than a bad match.

Cena is doing his best to sell this PPV with his preacher promo. I’m not buying the show. The last one was 2 weeks ago, yo. That’s a hard reason why it’s hard to buy his sales pitch. Plus, it’s standard Cena stuff. The weirdness of the triple threat match doesn’t help. Punk and Del Rio join the announce crew. Christian comes out last. Speaking of weirdness. Why did the ring announcers come out before the contestant? Del Rio gets to try and verbally spar Punk. He’s losing. No big surprise. Punk actually teaching the announcer’s how to act. He points out Christian’s toughness and sells him big time. Hmm, tag team match coming up? Del Rio gets the last word but he still stinks on it.

Am I watching Smackdown? What’s with all of the recaps tonight? Is this their version of hyping the matches for HIAC? Zack Ryder takes on my boy Dolph who has Swagger & Vickie in his corner. Zack has done a good job of adding some muscle without going over board. Swagger helps Dolph with the win. They start to beat down Ryder when Air Boom hits with a quickness. Teddy Long makes it a six man tag match. Now commercials.

Kofi and Swagger start. JR sells Swagger & Dolph as a tag team. I agree. Swagger looking solid against Bourne. I love Cole for selling how hard it is to get someone in three minutes when guys hit the ring for rescues quicker including Air Boom in the previous segment. Mason Ryan picks up the business. It could be a great 3 man stable. Ryan comes in and assaults Swagger. Then Dolph. That was impressive. Ryder gets the pin on Ziggler. I don’t dig Ryan’s longer hair. Vickie is yelling at Swagger & Dolph for some reason.

More video package. The announcers give the line up. David Otunga and his stupid bow tie try to act smart. I need more beer. Yay lawsuit. Does the WWE realize we all tuned out of the NFL negotiations this summer because we knew they’d sign? I suppose they’re trying to do something more here still but the execution is not helping.

John Cena is at ring side for Punk vs. Del Rio. Something happens and they go to commercials. This show has been awful.

Cena defending his opinion of Del Rio well without burying him. Cena did a good job of selling a “momentum” win. Why can’t this intelligence show up in all of his promos? Punk’s hair is cracking me up. The match is building well. Del Rio looks solid. Wow, head kick does in Del Rio. The Cell descends. Poor Ricardo. Del Rio selling himself well. -Kevin

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