Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

I was forgetful last night.

I was so excited about the Night of Champions pay per view that I took the time to do a preview of the show. I even arranged my night so that I could purchase the pay per view. My neighbors and friends being around during the first hour or so didn’t allow me to blog about it although both Jeremy and I used Twitter (@Stuntgranny) as a vehicle for our thoughts. My biggest mistake though was something that we came up with a long time ago, when the pay per view looks strong, it’s going to be terrible. When a pay per view card looks weak, it’s going to be awesome. Money In The Bank was one of the few pay per views that didn’t fall into this category but it may have been elevated by the Punk vs. Cena match and ending. I will air my disagreements with most of the commentary I have read today during the blog. Let’s roll.

We got started with a short promo by Punk that got cut short by HHH. Trips gives us a triple threat Hell In A Cell match between Punk, Cena and Del Rio. They need to get to work on selling the pay per view in two weeks so good on them. Punk making a good point about HHH not being in on the conspiracy. Johnny Ace gets to bore us to death. HHH promises to fire someone by the end of the nice after Johnny is told about the conspiracy. JR gets an interview with Mark Henry. (NOC reaction: A lot of people bagged on HHH going over. I doubt we’ve seen the end of the feud as I’ve stated several times already. I am starting to wonder why I feel the need to give the WWE more rope with this angle and some of the other ones recently. I’m being overly optimistic with their recent track record. I’m unsure if it’s because I want to rage against the machine which at this point to me is other internet fans. I do see some change happening though like Ryder, Sheamus, Punk and hopefully more of Beth Phoenix.)

8 Man Tag match – I’d take it we’re getting this jamb all of these contestants together because no new feuds will develop in time for HIAC. Nice touch of Sheamus finishing Otunga in front of Christian. HHH talks to the referee (and uses a name) but wants the Miz & R Truth to talk to him. Del Rio complains. (NOC reaction: I can’t believe people complained about Del Rio dropping the title. He got very little reaction at the Raw I attended recently. He wasn’t exactly impressive when he just talked to HHH. As noted in my preview, which Money In The Bank winner had a long first title break? Plus, if Cena makes the WWE money and people are clicking off this rich snooze, why should he be champion?)

Del Rio takes on John Morrison. Wow, I check Twitter and Del Rio wins in no time flat. Hugh Jackman add. This sucks that I’ll be taping something during this whole Raw so I can’t flip to the game. I can’t wait to watch some Hawaii Five-O later though.

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The Muppets to guest star on WWE Monday Night Raw on Halloween

"That idea isn't half bad!" "Nope... it's ALL bad!"

According to a Tweet by Joey Styles (and an article at WWE.com), the Muppets will guest star on the Halloween night edition of Monday Night Raw. Some Twitter users with wrestling Web sites may see this news and react with a big “God help us all,” but not this guy. My childhood was made up of three things: pro wrestling, Bob Barker, Pee-wee Herman, a lot of sugary cereal, Huey Lewis & the News albums, glass bottles of Pepsi, and the Muppets. Now, WWE, which, whether they’d like to admit it or not, is pro wrestling, has recently brought in Bob Barker and Pee-wee Herman as guest hosts of Monday Night Raw. I doubt the next few weeks will see cameos by sugary cereal, glass bottles of Pepsi and Huey Lewis albums, so you have no idea how excited I am to see the Muppets on Raw. They’re endearing, they’re funny (assuming they get to write their own material), and they can’t be physically harmed or threatened by WWE’s roster. That didn’t stop WCW from pitting Rick Steiner against Chucky, but even WWE is smarter than that, right? Right?? -Eric

Night of Champions Preview

I’m going to paraphrase Shane Helms because I was thinking the same thing after watching Smackdown, there are a whole lot of matches on this card that I have no idea who is going to win. The WWE has done a good job of building up the challengers for (in some order of importance) the Tag Team titles, the Diva’s Title, the Intercontinental Title and especially the World Heavyweight Title. The other matches have some intrigue to which is making me think I might order Night of Champions. Let’s break down the match ups from bottom to top on WWE.com.

Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix – Beth Phoenix and her cohort Natalya have been pushed for a month now. Beth was one of the people singled out by CM Punk for not being utilized well enough. Beth is now in her home town of Buffalo much like Punk was for what became his big title win. We know though that a big win in your home town is not a regularity for the WWE. Beth hasn’t been built up nearly as much as Punk was which also makes this situation different. I want to believe the title change could herald a consistent spot for the women’s division but I’m starting to have my doubts because Beth has pretty much beaten all of her would be challengers unless they break up the Divas of Doom already. I don’t think that’d be a good idea. Kelly Kelly would benefit from a huge victory here. As the first match in the “I’m not sure who is going to win category”, I’m going with Beth Phoenix to help push along the women’s division.

WWE Tag Team Champions Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz & R Truth – I think that Bourne & Kingston are a better long term tag team if the WWE decide to keep the tag team division in some prominence. The problem with them though is that they can’t really talk up the titles. The Miz & R Truth can talk up the titles but in my eyes they are much better used as singles competitors. The solution in my eyes is have The Miz & R Truth win the titles, let them talk them up and drop the straps in a couple of months to the chasing baby face team.

Fatal 4 Way U.S. Championship Match – This match up is one that Jeremy & I deemed the “Shit or get off the pot”. The WWE continues to give my boy Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and John Morrison loads of TV time but they don’t really do anything for them. Alex Riley, the fourth competitor, could be in this category soon. This match is one that I’m not terribly interested in because Ziggler & Swagger arguing over Vickie is the big story line coming into this match. That tells you all you need to know about the importance of the U.S. Championship. Ziggler or Swagger wins so they can continue to argue.

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Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli – All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan – Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… – Eric
3. Matt Hardy – OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. – Eric
4. The Rock – He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions – Why hasn’t the question been brought up more – neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting – Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. – Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I'm appreciating edges. Yes, I'm an architecture dork.

I decided to work on this column since it’s going to be a quiet night at the home stead. I might still work on a preview article for Night of Champions after this is over. I keep promising to bring back my old articles of the Art & Architecture of Wrestling. We’ll see.

Edge does a pretty standard “Thank You” speech. Cody gets to interrupt. Cody delivers most of the time. Why did he forget to mention that he won at Wrestlemania though? That’s a big one there Mr. Rhodes. Edge picks on Cody’s one good quality. He still won’t do much because of his size. Ted DiBiase making a come back of sorts. That attack did as much for Ted as just about anything else in his career.

Sin Cara takes on Daniel Bryan. Cole is talking about lighting a fuse under Bryan. Are they finally moving on for hating on him for being a Vegan and a dork? I hope so. I do agree with Cole about the jockeying for spots. Last week was the first week in a while that I liked Smackdown more than Raw. They’re back in development phase on this program. As I babble, commercial hits for the match.

I’m trying out a new technique here. All segments will be bolded per Eric’s suggestion. Since the match is continuing, no bold on this paragraph. A good match ends with Sin Cara kicking in Bryan’s head. Wow, the camera should not have zoomed in on Bryan lifting himself just enough to get his legs out of the Tree of Woe. Mistico shows his sloopy mug. After seeing them face to face, how could anyone not notice the change? I thought he was thicker but he’s a good couple of inches taller too. Oh goody, time to FF through a taped segment on SD. That could be why I liked Raw more. I’ve been to mostly SD tapings which have less action as a whole.

Zack Ryder complains and Teddy Long lays down the no contact rule. Woo Woo Woo, don’t blow it. Nice. Aksana gives Teddy a massage when Trish shows up. AJ gets to have her ass kicked by Beth Phoenix. Cole complimenting Kelly Kelly. He becomes a different announcer on SD. Beth gets a mic. I’d like the promo more if she didn’t start dressing more like the “Glamazon” as Jeremy said to me on the audio earlier this week.

Sheamus video package. Edge and Trish are having “fun” when Christian comes walking in. The one more match gimmick is kind of funny. Zack skips in too. Nice of Trish to call him the Internet Champion. I did not watch his new show today.

Wade Barrett & Christian take on Sheamus & Justin Gabriel. Wow, there are a lot of Sheamus signs. I really can’t believe the one that said “You can’t blame us for loving Sheamus”. Dear lord, people even love these dumb Irish yarns. He even rhymes and people cheer it. Nothing happens except Gabriel beat down before the commercial.

I flipped to check in on the Boise State at Toledo game. What a circus catch to end the first half. Through the receivers hands, off the defender’s head and back into the receivers hands. Best part, the announcers don’t say anything about it and pretend like it was a great catch. Good pass, lucky reception. Gabriel gives Sheamus the hot tag. Brogue kick leads to the 450 splash. Wow, that’s quite a statement for Gabriel. Christian working the chicken shit heel well. Gabriel has a lot of range with that 450 after seeing the replay. FF thru another video package. That one was for Mark Henry.

Heath Slater gets to job to the Great Khali. Booker, gah, no, not CCR. Thank you Cole for correcting him. What the fuck did I just type? Mahal attacks Khali while Slater helps. Slater ends up taking the brunt of the punishment. Mahal should give Slater a sister for that save.

CM Punk & HHH video package. Kofi & Evan do their cheese dick entrance. R Truth & Miz sing “You Suck”. This might be the first good rhyme Truth has ever had. As much as I’m enjoying their team, I prefer them as singles so I hope they lose on Sunday. Wow, I’m a bit surprised by Truth winning too. Beth then this duo are being pushed hard which makes me think neither are winning. Mark Henry video package.

Cutting Edge starts. Mark Henry comes down first. Randy gets the first question though. Cool little logo in the lower left. Orton pulling the “Not Good Enough” card because of the no championships. I like it. Edge jumps on it. I dig Henry owning up to that fault saying that he has new focus. Orton calls him a failure. Edge is playing his part perfectly. He bails. The “locker room” aka jobbers empties to try and break it up. Orton takes a couple of them out then gets hammered by Henry who then cleans up the remainder of the “locker room”. Henry is also looking strong. I’m not sure I’ve seen a crop of challengers that have been pushed this much. Awesome ending. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio: Second Annual Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame

Hey, mister, can’tcha read? Dusty and Eric discuss Stunt Granny’s Second Annual Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame inductions! Who made it under the categories for both serious wrestlers (based on their contributions to and impact on pro wrestling) and fun wrestlers (based on the contributions to our childhood Halloween costumes as we covered ourselves with license plates that spelled “REPO”)? What angles do the guys fondly remember from the past? And what timeless matches does the crew go back and watch on a regular basis? Listen to analysis on all this and a little bit more!

Stunt Granny Audio: Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame Edition

Headlines: Chris Bosh loves pro wrestling, Hulk Hogan’s midget show debuts tonight

"I wanted to play basketball... *sigh*"

Not to distract from Matt Hardy’s failure of a life, but… Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh was on ESPN’s “Mike and Mike in the Morning” today discussing the NBA lockout, and the guys asked Bosh about the celebration when LeBron James announces his signing with the Heat, alongside Bosh and Dwayne Wade. He said he loved it because:

I grew up watching wrestling, I grew up watching Hulk Hogan.

That’s all well and good, but why is it that when I typed “chris bosh” into Google, the first suggested result was “chris bosh gay”? I’m positive the two things have nothing to do with each other.

In related news, according to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling makes its debut tonight at 9 p.m. central on TruTV. Hogan is the celebrity of the Eric Bischoff/Jason Hervey-produced show, which makes sense, because no one knows the real names of even the most famous midgets (Mini Me, Tattoo, that guy from “Elf” who’s not believable in those dramatic movies, and that little creep from “Body Slam“). I’m sure midgets around the world are thrilled that, after years of trying to overcome the term “midget” and replace it with “little person,” Hulk Hogan has put his stamp of approval on the word “micro.” They’d probably start a write-in campaign, but they’re too short to reach the mail slot. (TM Bobby Heenan) -Eric

Matt Hardy arrested yet again on yet another DWI charge

"And now I'll go drive one of those cars back there into a tree!"

(NOTE: Don’t let this post bury the Stunt Granny Audio below! Check it out!)

According to Prowrestling.net, Matt Hardy was yet again arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated. Oh, gee willikers, I sure do hope this is the wake-up call Hardy needs to get his life back in order oh wait who gives a flying fuck about his life. If he doesn’t care enough to keep himself in working order, neither do I. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Man, these guys are hard on Hardy for what he does in his personal life,” keep in mind how much of his personal life he’s posted on the Internet. If you’re thinking to yourself, “Hey, this latest charge isn’t even something he Tweeted or YouTubed about,” remember that a violation of the law is in the public record, and if he wasn’t such a god-awful fuck-up as an alleged human being, his name wouldn’t be in the books to begin with. Sure, we all make mistakes. Well, once or twice is a mistake. At the rate Matt Hardy is going, he ought to just say hello to David Carradine for us. -Eric

UPDATE: Oh, that explains it, he was framed. (This, according to Prowrestling.net.) Yep, I’ve heard of this. I watch a lot of “Today” in the morning. What happened was, see, Matt was sitting at home, minding his business and messing with the many distracting settings on his Flip camera when, out of the blue, Jealous Internet Reporter Jones came into his house, slipped a roofie into his extra-large Oreo Blizzard, waited for Matt to go for a joyride in his “I’ve made two lifetimes’ income” Chevy Caprice Classic and then alerted the cops that an intoxicated Hardy was behind the wheel. Matt passed every sobriety test, and the cop, obviously a costumed writer for some Web site called Crashy Grandparent, placed handcuffs on Matt and escorted him to a real jail cell. Matt did absolutely nothing wrong to obtain his latest charge of driving (something you have to actively do) while intoxicated (something most people with a history of intoxication also actively choose to do). I’m sure we haven’t heard the last of this frame job, so stay tuned to Twitter, as if you weren’t already glued there.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #156

Jeremy and Kevin finally follow through on a threat and talk about TNA. They realize that 9/11 is a touchy subject but they do wonder why Rosita was presented the way she was though. Even though her story is inspirational, doesn’t it kill her current gimmick? Would it have helped if TNA left her off the card except for the 9/11 tribute? The guys try to be delicate but as usual drop ideas that are so offensive even TNA wouldn’t use them. Speaking of offensive, find out how Kevin found the picture he found for his Raw blog which heads the guys into Raw talk. How seriously should we take every word CM Punk or HHH? Is their verbal sparing enough to sell Night of Champions on Sunday? What else happened on this show? What wrestlers are labeled “Shit or Get Off The Pot”? Could the guys interview Michael McGillicutty or David Otunga? Could they fill in for Jeremy and Kevin for a Stunt Granny podcast and make it entertaining? Hell no, that’s why you need to click on the link below.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #156

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

I enjoyed Raw last week. That pug is definitely enjoying something.

I was surprised at how much people disliked Raw last week. I never ended up getting to talk about my thoughts of the show since we talked about the ancillary happenings around the show. If Nash did not pass a physical test, then the WWE had to make a serious adjustment to the storyline. I doubt we get a clean finish between HHH and Punk because they’ve had to speed up this storyline so I’ll wait to see what they pull off. I feel like I need to give the WWE the benefit of the doubt here recently because they have stepped up and given a lot of people chances and bigger pushes. One of these competitors is Zach Ryder, who had a slew of signs last week and got his first video package that had Z! True Long Island Story. They’re also pushing the Divas of Doom and giving the ladies a little more ring time. Sure, the tag team push might just be a fad but again, let’s see them out. Change isn’t going to happen over night.  If I remember anything else, I’ll try to add it into the commentary. Let’s roll, pretty much on time.

After a promo that almost put me to sleep by Del Rio, Bret Hart does get a big response but Cole correctly points out that they’re in Canada. His sunglasses are awful. They’re riding too high on his face. They look like they’re trying to cut out the glare coming off of his forehead. Hart is stumbling all over the place as usual. Illegal Canadians got a chuckle out of me. Cena is playing down to the competition again in the promo department. I’m shocked, all that jockeying set up a tag team match. (That’s sarcasm.) Cody vs. Randy was good on Smackdown. I don’t need to watch it again. Oh, check out of Twitter (@Stuntgranny) for random things like me getting entirely too drunk on a Sunday, waking up at 1 AM then finally Smackdown and doing a review. Not a good day all around. Nothing quite like hitting on a lesbian.

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