Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I love pumpkin flavored food.

I spent a fine fall Saturday afternoon in Circleville (OH) Pumpkin Show mowing down more pumpkin flavored foods than anyone really should. I had pumpkin chili, pumpkin sloppy joe and fried pumpkin blossoms. I also bought and brought home some pumpkin fudge which is fantastic. I am still bummed though that I didn’t get to the pumpkin pancakes, waffles, pizza or donuts. I tried the pumpkin roll down there several years ago but it didn’t stack up to my mother’s so I don’t even try it anymore. Just in case you were wondering, the winning pumpkin this year weighed in at a nice even 1436 pounds. What tricks and treats are in store for me tonight? Let’s roll.

Of course they play up the exploded ring. I didn’t read the results of the main event so I’m glad they informed me barely a minute into the show. It really makes me want to order more pay per views. (That’s sarcasm.) Good of HHH to have a new shirt. Stupid fucking wordpress kicked me out when I went to publish. I don’t remember what I typed so fuck the opening segment. Johnny Wooden GM tried to act like he wasn’t involved in the Nash attack. Trips foamed at the mouth. And HHH being the COO still yet not being able to manage Raw just makes the board sound like they don’t watch their own product. Oh, they don’t? Thanks for clearing that up grand kids.

Oh my lord, after the commercial break Kevin Nash fake attacks HHH on the gurney with another sledgehammer shot. That moment already ranks up with coffin surfing and Katie Vick for cheese factor. I love it like CSI: Miami or Big Trouble in Little China. I can’t wait to read about people’s thoughts on this attack. I am watching this way too late to check Twitter. I’m mowing thru this baby with a quickness. Thanks to recaps of the first two segment, things are moving quickly.

Randy Orton & Sheamus take on Cody Rhodes & Christian. Kevin Nash evidently was trending on Twitter. Please take my eyes. I can’t wait for more Nash. (That’s sarcasm again.) Lawler was right to point out this match was a retread. Cole awkwardly sends us to commercial as the camera waits another 10 seconds to fade out.

It’s hilarious, in a bad way, that I’m supposed to believe the faces would be in trouble to guys they beat the previous evening. And aren’t on their level popularity/stature level. They’re almost no different than jobbers to be in this situation. Orton could easily put over Rhodes but he has a stone or three to step before he gets there for me. Christian will remain (I think Caldwell over at the Torch wrote this. I liked it so I’ll swipe it.) a  gate keeper of sorts. He will be one of those stepping stones to the upper echelon that Cody would need to go thru if Christian were a face. Sheamus & Cody didn’t time the Brogue Kick very well. Glad Sheamus went straight to the Celtic Cross. I don’t think it was in the plans because a jump into a Brogue Kick seems like a finishing moment. More PPV recap. Wooden GM has Otunga in his office while talking to Stephanie. Cena storms in, gets a match with Miz & R Truth. I’m glad Wooden GM mentioned unsafe working conditions. Muppets!

There’s not a chance in hell I’m doing entrances with the late start. After FF to the beginning of Santino vs. Dolph Ziggler, I grabbed myself a piece of that yummy pumpkin fudge. Creamy goodness. Dolph is getting some solid heat. My boy wins in a squash match. Mason Ryan makes the save for Santino after a post match beat down. How is Dolph getting stuck with this big lug? Zack is Cena’s partern. We got our Bellas cameo of the night.

Del Rio gets to babble. I started wondering after their trip to Mexico and their talk of Latin American fans, how much influence do they have? Because there’s a larger demographic, do they have more pull than say Canada? Is that why he’s getting shoved down our throats? CM Punk arrives to save this segment. He challenges Del Rio for his title. He didn’t win last night so Punk’s a loser. Punk kills the facial expressions all of the time. More Wooden GM! Just what we asked for. What, you didn’t ask for it? Punk vs Del Rio is booked for Survivor Series. Poor Johnny needs some respect. Punks calls him on it. He knows how to milk a crowd. Punk GTS on Rodriguez. We’re supposed feel like Punk is in peril. I suppose I never watched wrestling before tonight.

Alicia Fox takes on Natalya with Beth on the head sets. Wow, she makes me really hate her in no time flat. You can tell she’s playing a character. Didn’t Alicia cry once already? The WWE just boils down the women’s themes so simple. Ahh, so is Alicia going to be the next person to challenge for the title?

Two has beens in Wade Barrett & John Morrison go at it. Cole’s announcement of course is more important than match confirming both of these men’s rung on the ladder. Even though two jokes are in the ring, they got a commercial break. I liked the knees to the heads by Barrett. Very Muay Thai like. Cole gets to embarrass JR soon. Wow, John Morrison trended. Please kill me. (That’s sarcasm.) Morrison gets out of Wasteland. He tried to spring board into it but fucked it up. Barrett nails him with Wasteland any way. Yeah for Wade? Cole brings out dumb fake pictures. Why is a heel playing into a crowd so he gets cheers? If JR wins, he gets his seat back. We could only be so lucky. I care about the announcers so much in that they do a good job. These guys have gotten way too much ring/promo time. It’s a detriment to younger stars at a minimum.

Zack Ryder talks to Josh Matthews. Ryder gets assaulted by Awesome Truth. I knew Ryder was too friendly to Cena for him to be the real choice. Awesome Truth cut a fine enough promo but I still can’t get over the fact that they are now doing what got HHH fired. The board of directors are still huge dumb asses. It makes no sense. I can’t shake that thought.

Cena wrestles Awesome Truth by himself. They play tag, really. Cole is spinning it the right way by calling it making an “impact”. Lawler is still too dumb to explain a coherent position to make Cole look dumb. It’s your job Jerry, can I ask you to do it? I’m thinking more about Cena’s style of shorts more than the color. People made them sound more like long trunks. They’re definitely a tighter fight but they’re still very jorty. Patented water bottle. Do I need to say more? Lawler still can’t coherently make the heels seem bad. Jesus. Johnny Wooden GM shows up again. He tosses them from ring no questions asked. So is the board so under Johnny Wooden GM’s thumb they can’t see the act he’s putting on? The Rock gets chosen as Cena’s partner at Survivor Series vs. Awesome Truth. They do leave a door open. So maybe Lawler isn’t making the heels look bad since they’re going to look bad enough against Rock & Cena. -Kevin

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