Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

I’m empty for news aside from sports. It’s not a good weekend when the highlight is my alma mater, the Kent State Golden Flashes, wins 24-21 on Friday evening on ESPN2 because of a shanked 20 some odd yard field goal. It was down hill from there. Pitt lost a close one to Cincinnati. Sunday was a train wreck. Fulham (English Premier League soccer) lost 3-1 after several near misses to tie it up late when it would have been 2-2. Fiorentina (Italian Serie A soccer. They are Florence’s team.) lost 1-0. To top off the shit sandwich, the Steelers did their best and bungled up a late lead. The defense being the main culprit since they were on the field last. Yuck. They’re still 6-3 with a fairly easy schedule. Just get into the playoffs. I suppose I did forget about the Penguins winning 3-2 in a shootout Saturday in Los Angeles but it’s too early in the season to start rejoicing about that.

I barely paid attention to Cena‘s pandering and shilling. Miz wakes me out of my slumber. Cena’s new shirt will continue to suck donkey balls. I stopped paying attention to them too. How can you take them seriously when they have nothing and continue to get slapped around? Zack Ryder helps out Cena. Hilarious that the guys are digging Zack but he’s teaming with Cena.

My boy Dolph Ziggler gets to beat John Morrison. Cole mentioned Twitter already. Let’s start a count. I may be wrong already with Cole & Lawler talking about the losing streak. Morrison messed up in the ropes but recovered fairly well. Ziggler gets another commercial break match.

Ziggler is showing some good offense. They really seem to be setting up a Morrison come back trail though since the announcers again are mentioning putting him away. Some fans chanting for Ziggler. Morrison executes the slowest ever tornado DDT. Yep, even the Vickie interference doesn’t work. This seems like a lot of commercial breaks for the beginning of the show.

Wow, they are trying to get me to tune out. Mason Ryan takes on JTG. I’m not sure if showing their Twitter handle counts for my game. The crossword puzzle joke was terrible but at least Lawler was trying. The crowd is bored stiff. The WWE should take notice that’s he’s not evening getting a pop in favorable territory.  More Wrestlemania hype. Look at all these dumb asses waiting in line. It’s called a computer. If you don’t have one, use one at a library. You do know where those are, right? Zack gets a cheese dick spot with the Bella Twins. He needs that on TV for those that don’t watch his show.

Cole gets to fake the Cole Challenge not being on TV again. Wow, could I have read spoilers? I haven’t checked. Kofi gets to pay for the sin’s of his partner and gets an L against Alberto Del Rio. Lawler called Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise. Tells you all you need to about the tag team division. Del Rio wins shortly after with the cross arm breaker. CM Punk makes a late save. Pipe bomb is saved for after the commercial break.

Del Rio gets to bore us to start the segment off. At least Punk is being saved for the hook time. Pun delivered well but it’s still a little wordy for me. Punk calls out Del Rio for his awful mic work. Good for him. Punk thinking is more interesting than Del Rio talking. The crowd is eating up Punk. Nice touch by having Punk stand on Ricardo at the end. I have no idea why the WWE is giving away a tag match that is going to be on their pay per view, basically.

Muppets review. Where’s the FF button when I need one? I was amused when Jeremy informed me last Tuesday that it was Waldorf & Statler. Dummy didn’t get I was fucking up their names on purpose. Swagger lost to a Muppet. Will anyone blame me if I drool on my keyboard? The Santino shirt is cool in concept but no one above the age of 10 should be wearing it. Oh my lord, the eye twitch is going to be a Swagger thing. My brain hurts. Cole laughs way too hard about Lawler’s fat joke about Vickie. He actually went off mic laughing and couldn’t fully recover before he got back on. Swagger wins while winking.

Lawler introduces Kelly Kelly because she’s going to be on the cover of Maxim. Good for her. KK stinks but seems genuine right now. Beth interrupts. She hasn’t been much better on the mic. These self reassuring women’s moments are so pandering and terrible. She has the dopiest face on that cover. Don’t show it off. My Twitter game is failing because they’re not live.

Kevin Nash trots out. He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. HHH was let into the Cliq by Nash via Shawn Michaels approval. Nash still measures his value by fighting HHH. He delivered. Good on Nash to do something interesting. Good news that Johnny Wooden GM stayed out of the segment. Just let Broduc Clay redebut! Otunga lobbying for a permanent spot as law consel. Johnny Wooden GM does acknowledge the backing up of Clay’s debut. Punk does a regular or unleaded joke that makes me laugh more than anything else tonight.

More recap of last week. Liverpool got screwed no matter what happens in this match. Cena & Ryder evidently make Cole jealous. Miz & R Truth who need a win even if it’s obviously going to let Ryder get pinned. Ryder getting huge love. Commercial. Ryder is looking big name during the break. Miz & Truth can’t catch a break. Cole tries to convince us that Miz & Truth are big time Superstars. Ryder got a hot tag but this one has got to lead to his demise. This match has stalled. Double clothesline leads to the finish. Finally.  Cena & Miz get last crack. Ryder gets to do the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Great night for him even if he takes the L. Miz gets the pin on Cena with R Truth holding down his leg. Man, great finish. So much better to have a win over Cena. Protect Ryder. Good stuff. The finish helped make the show better but didn’t pull it of a majority of boredom. -Kevin

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