Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

They are pushing the traditional 5 on 5 matches this year.

It is upon me again. Another three hour Raw. I started late because I needed to knock more stuff off my DVR. It happened to be watching Iron Chef America: Thanksgiving Showdown. I can’t get enough of the cooking. I made some killer baby bok choy slaw and shredded teriyaki ginger barbeque chicken. It is tasty. I was going to babble about my mother’s Thanksgiving dinner but I will save that talk for next week when we’re closer to the holiday. The Rock is on today. Lucky us, a whole segment might be funny. I need to start reviewing Smackdown on more than just Twitter because it is a much better show now that they’re firmly back in the development phase of the show. Oh well, Let’s roll.

We get the pleasure of starting with the Michael Cole challenge. You had to know lots of filler was coming tonight. What would be the use of showcasing wrestlers? We start with the usual arm wrestling schtick. Cole insults BBQ sauce. I haven’t tried JR’s stuff. I should at some point. I can’t drink enough to forget this dance competition and finish this article. Cole is dumb for letting the fans judge anything. He knows they hate him. Is there any cheap heat Cole hasn’t tried yet? After we get to see people on a scale, Punk shows up. Punk stating the obvious again. Does he cry at night that he gets to say what’s wrong but it doesn’t actually solve the problem? Oh, Twitter drinking game is so on tonight.  Twitter gets mentioned for a 3rd time before Mick Foley shows up. I’m glad Foley got a hair cut.

Hunico & Cody Rhodes vs Sin Cara & Kofi to start. It allows me to drink some Brothers Drake Mead, which is a honey wine, Honey Oak flavor. I barely get to type that and we get a commercial. I don’t bag on Kofi’s offense as much as the other guys on the site but that rolling clothesline is beyond dumb. Rhodes wins with his finisher. Good choice for a finish. I will enjoy Cody more without a crutch like the mask or mirror before it.

Santino is back in full force as the comedy act of Raw. The Broski defends Cena’s in ring work. I’ve got nothing on that segment. It existed. Vickie almost announces my boy Dolph as the 5th member of Team Barrett. Ziggler does a solid job again. I want his big title push!

Of course Cole needs to be more important than the show again. Mason Ryan comes out to take on Ziggler. Ryan comes out on fire. I don’t think the monster can lose quite yet. The WWE doesn’t want either guy to lose. Morrison gets to be the next title holder so Dolph can move up. Fingers crossed. Foley gets to talk to Ryder. Are they going to give any segment time aside from ones involving Cole?

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Headlines: Kamala loses leg, Christian loses ankle, Jericho loses credibility and humor

According to Prowrestling.net, James “Sugar Bear” “Kamala” Harris recently had his leg amputated due to complications with diabetes and high blood pressure. Let that be a lesson to you dorks sitting at your computers with your desks covered in Funyuns and Mountain Dew cans… don’t change anything, because becoming a Ugandan headhunter with moons and stars painted on your man-boobs puts your health at risk.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Christian suffered a high ankle sprain while WWE was on tour in Europe and has been pulled from this year’s Survivor Series. Let that be a lesson to your dorks… oh, wait. Anyway, notable replacements in past Survivor Series events have included Earthquake (subbing for Barry “Widowmaker” Windham in 1989), Haku (replacing recently departed Rick Rude in 1990) and Mr. Perfect (taking the Ultimate Warrior’s spot in 1992). This year is sure to be equally compelling. I’m looking at you, Brodus Clay… mostly because you’re a likely candidate for a future leg amputation.

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Chris Jericho recently tweeted this comedic gem:

Let me get something straight…I will never wrestle for the WWE again. But there is some big news coming up in the world of dance….

Slap your knee before your leg is amputated. -Eric

P.S. Take care of yourself, Kamala; by all accounts, you’re a good guy. Best wishes!

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