Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I haven’t received a call to go out so let’s do a review. It could be a defacto Survivor Series preview. It’s been a long week at the office so I have zero energy to put a story about my life before this review. Let’s roll.

Mark Henry yelled at then assaulted Daniel Bryan who has gotten more quality time  getting his ass kicked by Henry than he has since he won the MITB contract. Nice of them to wear their new shirts. I’ve been working on an article about them and a couple of other shirts. If I get lucky, I can work on it this weekend. They replayed the segment that happened before a commercial break. ADD central. Sin Cara gets introduced.

Vickie leads off after the break. Karen Jarrett needs to listen to this crowd. That’s the response you should be aiming for. Not complete apathy. What, Dolph didn’t get any mic time? I’m calling shenanigans. I need to start drinking for Twitter mentions. I’m three drinks behind. Dolph then gets a cheap win over someone who can’t wrestle. Why is no one from, OK, Mason Ryan helps after Sin Cara gets his ass kicked.

Jack Swagger takes on Mason Ryan for his assault. Nice of the WWE to give Ryan a win going into SS. Ryan’s hair does need to go. His posing was even half assed. Justin Gabriel gets hit on by Alicia Fox. Zack gets a couple of more signatures when Big Show arrives. Big Show angry because of beat down. What silliness. Why does a statement by Henry anger you? It’d make sense if he’d been buddy buddy with Bryan.

Ted & Ted get to talk. The Long variety compliments the DiBiase variety when Aksana arrives. She wants to advertise for WWE12. Long gives himself a pep talk. Christian gets to bitch. His injury isn’t going to last long or they realize Smackdown goes down hill without him. He made it sound like a longer term injury. AJ is checking on Bryan when Show arrives. Big Show angry still. Me must find Mark.

Derrick Bateman debuts against Ted DiBiase. Michael Hutter from PWO debuts. Matthews zings Cole about not filling us in more about Bateman after he fed him.  Bateman is a power couple with Maxine from another NXT season. Ted continues to roll with a win. Pretty expected.

Big Show still angry.  Me knock out Jinder, stare down Tyson Kidd. They replay the opening of the show, of which they’ve already replayed. Show comes to the ring. I was hoping that the Big Show’s favorite footage was going to be him coffin surfing. It’s my favorite Big Show footage. Big show promises to be the new champ then throws a number of cheesetastic punches.

Kofi takes on Hunico, who grabs a mic and starts speaking Spanish. I’ve got no clue. German is not very helpful at times like this. It is useful when you’re drinking in beer halls and gardens in Munich. As much as I hate Hunico’s look, he wrestled better than the real Sin Cara. Cole calls him a proud man. He can’t be wearing that outfit. After the announcers talked up Hunico all match, they lose his credibility by having him lose to Kofi. Another Ezekiel repackaging video.

AJ & Kaitlyn take on Natalya & Beth. Squash match central. This match is sloppy even for a women’s match. AJ looks smooth in the ring but she’s too small. Natalya was pinning herself with the uber Sharpshooter. She would do well to be Bryan’s valet if they keep the nerd label on both of them. I think we’re supposed to be intrigued that Kaitlyn is pissed at AJ.

Rock gets full promo time on Smackdown. I FF. Cena should really bring up the point that Rock mostly does kids movie. He shouldn’t be pissed that Cena courts them. That’s who pays his bills. I catch up to the show before the replay is over. They are loving the intro then go to commercial tonight. Randy Orton is the winner this time.

Sheamus then  Wade Barrett & Cody Rhodes, who gets an inset promo. I like him so much better without the mask. The promo was pretty useless. A commercial break happened. Christian is at ring side. He ended up interfering in a nondescript match. Sheamus & Orton house Rhodes & Barrett. Are they really going to have Team Barrett win via Even Steven booking? I want to buy a major pay per view but I’m not excited about the show in the least. -Kevin

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