Ultimate Warrior makes pop-punk band I See Stars do first-ever physical activity in Web “reality” show

Have you always wanted to see your delusional childhood hero say the word “fuck” every 3 seconds while nearly killing a shitty pop-punk band that screams when they can’t think of any better melodies to write? Of fucking course you have! So watch the video above, where our favorite psychopath the Ultimate Warrior (“Fifty-two fuckin’ years I’ve been on this fuckin’ planet!”) kicks down the hotel-room doors of some shaggy-haired emo kids named I See Stars (when I watch this video, I don’t see any stars) and puts them through the paces of Warrior University. It’s about as relevant as a “Golden Girls” rerun and 100 times less entertaining. Seriously, did you see that little queef bench-pressing 20 pounds and a small chain?? These are the kids who sat against the wall in high school gym, and they make the music kids are listening to these days. Sgt. Slaughter was right in 1990, this country is going soft. I’m gonna go listen to Toby Keith. -Eric

WWE suspends R-Truth for 30 days, I bet @ValVenisEnt is going to have a conniption fit

R-Truth and Vince McMahon, watching "Robot Chicken" on Adult Swim

According to Prowrestling.net, Ron Killings, aka R-Truth, has been suspended for 30 days for violating the WWE wellness policy, right on the heels of main-eventing WWE Survivor Series and just a few hours after what now appears to be an injury angle, taking Miz’s Skull-Crushing Finale on the top of the stage at Monday Night Raw last night.

Now, I’m not one to cast aspersions on people’s good name, but Killings strikes me as a possible pot head. Kinda like Evan Bourne (who’s in the middle of his own suspension) and Mike Chioda (he was recently suspended, and I just want to think he’s a pot head because he’s a nice guy). Not a guy who destroys his body by using massive amounts of steroids or HGH or other mind-altering performance enhancers or lethal doses of alcohol and muscle relaxers or a shit-ton of coke. Nope, a little bit of weed here and there. Enough to dull the pain of a hard night’s work. And that’s what WWE has been busting guys for lately, pulling some of the most entertaining acts off of TV while forcing upon us ass-heads like Kofi Kingston.

That’s why we get Tweets like this, from Val Venis:

Its 100% hypocritical of @wwe to allow the use of prescribed pain meds which do kill, while suspending talent for marijuana. #legalizeweed

Yes, legalize weed, its good for your grammar. Here’s hoping Kevin never gets his dream job in WWE, and Dusty keeps his spaghetti jacket in the closet. -Eric

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