Ultimate Warrior makes pop-punk band I See Stars do first-ever physical activity in Web “reality” show

Have you always wanted to see your delusional childhood hero say the word “fuck” every 3 seconds while nearly killing a shitty pop-punk band that screams when they can’t think of any better melodies to write? Of fucking course you have! So watch the video above, where our favorite psychopath the Ultimate Warrior (“Fifty-two fuckin’ years I’ve been on this fuckin’ planet!”) kicks down the hotel-room doors of some shaggy-haired emo kids named I See Stars (when I watch this video, I don’t see any stars) and puts them through the paces of Warrior University. It’s about as relevant as a “Golden Girls” rerun and 100 times less entertaining. Seriously, did you see that little queef bench-pressing 20 pounds and a small chain?? These are the kids who sat against the wall in high school gym, and they make the music kids are listening to these days. Sgt. Slaughter was right in 1990, this country is going soft. I’m gonna go listen to Toby Keith. -Eric

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